david please check my writing need 7 +

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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Qasim
Posts: 32
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2016 11:04 am

david please check my writing need 7 +

Post by Qasim »

Students learn more and more lessons from teachers than using Internet and television.
Do u agree or disagree


I agree with this statement that schools and teachers are immensely important in child's growth and character. Teachers are the mentors to educate juvenile about the good and bad of the society. In this contemporary epoch, people also think that television and internet can also teach lessons to students, but I do not believe in this perception. I will discuss both viewpoints in detail.

Schools and teachers are essential for teaching lessons because student is physically present in the class and teacher can transfer his knowledge to them directly. Secondly students can ask different questions regarding course work and they will definitely get the response immediately. Furthermore teachers can also act as a role model for youngsters and they can follow their mentors for successful and prosperous life. Moreover teachers can also help the weak students to improve rapidly by just motivating them.

However, some people believe that internet and television can also help students to learn lessons. Nowadays information and material about every subject is available on internet and several programs related to education is broadcasting on television and students can get lot of help in learning lessons. In my opinion, huge information is not sufficient for learning the lesson and I believe a good mentor is required for explaining this information briefly, so students can grasp it. Lastly when using internet and television student can understand the subject to some extent but he will not be able to adopt the right attitude for learning.

In conclusion, I believe teachers are the pillars of society and essential for grooming of adolescent. Internet and television can be used as source of information but cannot replace the value of the teacher'.
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Re: david please check my writing need 7 +

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

Overall, a good essay. I think that you could develop the first main paragraph by saying more about why the teacher should be physically present. You repeat this point in the second main paragraph, but again, do not really say why.

Grammar and vocabulary are very good. Nice range and good accuracy.

Examples of good vocab, grammar, phrasing ...

1. improve rapidly
2. a good mentor is required
3. several programs related to education
4. grasp
5. adopt the right attitude for learning

Well done!
David
Qasim
Posts: 32
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2016 11:04 am

Re: david please check my writing need 7 +

Post by Qasim »

Thank you for the valuable feedback. i will try to improve as suggested by you
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