Please give your feedback and give an approximate band

[avenger]

Hi All , your feedback and grading on my below essay would be highly appreciated .
Thanks

Essay

Question : People think that good health is a basic need so it should not be in hands of profit-oriented companies. Are the advantages of profit-oriented companies overweight the disadvantages?

Good health is one of the main priorities to lead a happy life. However , to be a healthy person, people sometimes need to depend on some of the companies whose main goal are to earn profit by selling poor quality of products . It is believed that the advantages of these companies are not higher than the disadvantages they have. Most of the case, their disadvantages take the edge over advantages. This will be observed by analysing the effects of expire dated and poor quality of products manufactured by these companies.


Some companies who are keen to gain profit often sell products which are expire dated . For example, during the Eid festival in Kolkata last year, some companies sold their food products with a lot of attractive promotions. However , government found evidence that most of those products are expire dated. As a result, people got food poisoning whoever took those food . By this example it is obvious that the disadvantage of these companies’ expired products overlap the advantage of their attractive promotions.


Moreover, some companies manufacture products with poor quality to mitigate the manufacturing cost so that they can gain more profit. For instance , in the market people often buy some products, in particularly, those made by China which are very cheap compare to other good brand products. However, because of the poor quality, those products have very less longevity and become damage very soon. Thus it can be seen that even though product of profit oriented company can be bought with a very cheaper rate but because of its poor quality it does not last longer.


Following the analysing of buying expired and poor quality of products from the profit-oriented companies ,it is clear that the advantages of these companies are lesser than the disadvantages. So it is recommended to avoid buying products from them.

[avenger]

Hi All,

Please give me feed back of my essay.It will be really helpful for me.

Thanks

[pakspin]

Hi All,

Please give me feed back of my essay.It will be really helpful for me.

Thanks

6.0 bands,

your 3 para is irrelevant as the is food products, not other products
you have discussed no advantages thus ur comparison in conclusion is inaccurate,
you should have mentioned points like, poor packaging to gain more profit, lack of quality control etc,
intro is good..
good luck..

[avenger]

Thanks pakspin for ur feedback.