please evaluate my essay

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sathiya
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 30, 2014 10:12 pm

please evaluate my essay

Post by sathiya »

Many young people leave school with a negative attitude. What are the reasons? How can we encourage young people to study?

Over the past few decades, students interest towards attending school are diminishing. Some pupils have negative experience and pretending not to attend classes. The reasons could be due to the sheer stress the students face in the institution and students disinterest towards the teaching methodology used by the teachers. This disrupt the students future life,so it should be demotivated. It is important to find out the solutions for this distressing problem which will be dealt in this essay.

Firstly, the use of innovative methods in teaching encourage the pupils to go for the school. For example, when Science teacher is lecturing about human body, students might feel bored to listen to the lecture. Instead, using skeleton to explain about different parts and organs might drag the attention of students towards subject and also aids in better understanding. This motivates the students to attend classes which could be effective method to increase the number of students in school.

Secondly, students should not be forced to do their duty in the school. Take an instance of student studying in middle school and given 3 or 4 assignments to complete in a single day. This create tension to the pupil which provides the path of developing aversion towards institution. Thus, providing stress less environment brings great difference in students behaviour and impact them in a positive way. Hence, this is the another wise way in encouraging the students to attend school.

On the whole, using creative methods while teaching and providing stress less environment influence the students in attending school and develop some positive attitudes towards institution. Thus, it is considered to increase the students attendance in school if these measures are used in practise.
Johnson zhang
Posts: 153
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 8:34 am

Re: please evaluate my essay

Post by Johnson zhang »

very confusing
Nothing is impossible! Band score 9 is certainly not.
sathiya
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri May 30, 2014 10:12 pm

Re: please evaluate my essay

Post by sathiya »

Hi Johnson,
Can you please tell me which part is unclear and give me some suggestions to make it clear.


Thank you.
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Flick
Grammar Checker
Grammar Checker
Posts: 1466
Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: please evaluate my essay

Post by Flick »

sathiya wrote:Many young people leave school with a negative attitude. What are the reasons? How can we encourage young people to study?

Over the past few decades, students interest in attending school is diminishing. Some pupils have negative experiences and decide not to attend classes. The reasons could be due to the sheer stress students face in the institution or their disinterest in the teaching methodology used by the teachers. This disrupt the students future life, so it should be discouraged. It is important to find solutions for this distressing problem which will be dealt in this essay.

Firstly, the use of innovative methods in teaching encourages pupils to go to school. For example, when the science teacher is lecturing about the human body, students might feel bored just listening to the lecture. Instead, using a skeleton to explain about different parts and organs might drag the attention of students towards the subject and also aid in better understanding. This motivates the students to attend classes which could be an effective method to increase the number of students in school.

Secondly, students should not be forced to do their duty in the school.(<-- What duty?) Take, for instance a student studying in middle school and given 3 or 4 assignments to complete in a single day. This creates stress for the pupil which provides the path of developing an aversion towards school. Thus, providing a stressfree environment brings about a great difference in students behaviour and impacts them in a positive way. Hence, this is the another wise way in encouraging students to attend school.

On the whole, using creative methods while teaching and providing a stressfree environment influence the students in attending school and developing a positive attitude towards the institution. Thus, it is felt that student attendance will improve if these measures are used.
argho1985
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2014 4:31 am

Re: please evaluate my essay

Post by argho1985 »

sathiya wrote:Many young people leave school with a negative attitude. What are the reasons? How can we encourage young people to study?

Over the past few decades, students interest towards attending school are diminishing. Some pupils have negative experience and pretending not to attend classes. The reasons could be due to the sheer stress the students face in the institution and students disinterest towards the teaching methodology used by the teachers. This disrupt the students future life,so it should be demotivated. It is important to find out the solutions for this distressing problem which will be dealt in this essay.

Firstly, the use of innovative methods in teaching encourage the pupils to go for the school. For example, when Science teacher is lecturing about human body, students might feel bored to listen to the lecture. Instead, using skeleton to explain about different parts and organs might drag the attention of students towards subject and also aids in better understanding. This motivates the students to attend classes which could be effective method to increase the number of students in school.

Secondly, students should not be forced to do their duty in the school. Take an instance of student studying in middle school and given 3 or 4 assignments to complete in a single day. This create tension to the pupil which provides the path of developing aversion towards institution. Thus, providing stress less environment brings great difference in students behaviour and impact them in a positive way. Hence, this is the another wise way in encouraging the students to attend school.

On the whole, using creative methods while teaching and providing stress less environment influence the students in attending school and develop some positive attitudes towards institution. Thus, it is considered to increase the students attendance in school if these measures are used in practise.
Hi,

There are two elements in this essay.

1) Reasons for the dropout? may be heavy assignments and less interactive sessions
2) Possible solutions? may be online learning through images which will lead less burden of homework..

These two make the two supporting para of the essay..

Your essay is kind off mixed.. so you need to rearrange the thoughts. Once you done , it will look good.

Thanks
Argho
cranford cliff
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2014 2:54 am

Re: please evaluate my essay

Post by cranford cliff »

this is not an essay about 'school dropouts', but about 'school-leavers' - those who leave school at the regular time , but with a negative attitude to their school experience.

Of course many of the reasons are the same - poor teaching methods, too much stress, too many exams.

Solutions could be : more student-centred learning, more varied classes and teaching methods, more physical activities and practical skills classes, more student contact with the local community and businesses..
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