Please help me to correct my essay

[novembernqk]

Topic:
Some people who can not work with computer is disadvantaged. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While there are grounds to argue that it would be disadvantaged if people cannot work with computer, it can be equally argue that this would be advantaged. In this essay shall examine the merits both sides of the argument.

One argument in favor of working without computer is that it would not help people do their tasks efficiently. It is certainly true that computer could solve thousands tasks per second, then people who work with computer do not spent much time to solve their job as they do without computer. For example, currently, using excel in computer is one of the fastest and the most accurate methods to use in accountant. This problem cannot be seen in case people work with paper and calculator. Undoubtedly, computer will help people work more efficient than without computer.
Despite this argument, there is equally strong argument that it would be disadvantaged if people work with computer too much. It can be explained by the fact that computer could impact on human health in negative ways. Unfortunately, heart attack and overweight are common diseases in people who work with computer. It would be caused by limited movement and passive thought of computer users. It can be clearly that working with computer could affect human health in disadvantage ways

In conclusion, I believe that while there are real merits on both sides of the argument, the moral case working with computer slightly outweighs working without computer. This is reinforced by belief in the principle that working with computer for suitable time is advantaged.

[Hiren]

HI,
I would advice you to write 1or 2 sentences as background in introduction paragraph.
In addition, I have corrected some mistakes.

Topic:
Some people who can not work with computer is disadvantaged. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While there are grounds to argue that it would be disadvantaged if people cannot work with computer, it can be equally argue that this would be advantaged. In this essay I shall examine the merits both sides of the argument.

One argument in favor of working without computer is that it would not help people do their tasks efficiently. It is certainly true that computer could can solve thousands tasks per second, then people who work with computer do not spent spend much time to solve their job as they do without computer. For example, currently, using excel in computer is one of the fastest and the most accurate methods to use in accountant in accountancy. This problem cannot be seen in case of people working with paper and calculator. Undoubtedly, computer will help people work more efficient efficiently than without computer.

Despite this argument, there is equally strong argument that it would be disadvantaged if people work with computer too much. It can be explained by the fact that computer could(fact that excessive use of computer can create) impact on human health in negative ways. Unfortunately, heart attack and overweight are common diseases in people who work with computer. It would be caused by limited movement and passive thought of computer users. It can be clearly seen that working with computer could affect human health in disadvantage ways

In conclusion, I believe that while there are real merits on both sides of the argument, the moral case working with computer slightly outweighs working without computer. This is reinforced by belief in the principle that working with computer for suitable time is advantaged.

[Hiren]

please go through my essay on same topic and show if any mistakes please.

In the era of technological innovations, the use of computer is ubiquitous. When knowledge of computer is essential to get any employment, some people believe that individuals without computer skills are disadvantaged in several ways. I agree to the viewpoint of such people as computer increases the efficiency, perfection, working speed and productivity of an individual.

First of all, a computer can perform several tasks at a time and make thousands of calculations in a fraction of second which might take several minutes or hours for human brain. Furthermore, data storage function increases the mobility as there is no need to keep heavy files of paperwork. For instance, a bank manager can do calculations of all account holders in a second with use of computer and store information on a very small and lightweight hard disk. Thus, a person who is not using computer has to spend more time and space.

Furthermore, anyone can communicate with people all around the world by connecting the computer to internet and also can transfer data by E-mails. It is obvious that an individual not knowing computer has to use relatively expensive post or telephone service to communicate with people of another country. In this way, lack of computer skill is a financial disadvantage as well.

To conclude, people without computer are having relatively slow, imperfect and stressful life which cease their financial progress. People should understand benefits and importance of computer in 21st century and make their life easier by learning essential skills of computer.

[delvydavis]

please go through my essay on same topic and show if any mistakes please.

In the era of technological innovations, the use of computer is ubiquitous. When knowledge of computer is essential to get any employment, some people believe that individuals without computer skills are disadvantaged in several ways. (this sentence is not clear.) I agree to the viewpoint of such people as computer increases the efficiency, perfection, working speed and productivity of an individual.

First of all, a computer can perform several tasks at a time and make thousands of calculations in a fraction of second which might take several minutes or hours for human brain. Furthermore, data storage function increases the mobility as there is no need to keep heavy files of paperwork. For instance, a bank manager can do calculations of all account holders in a second with use of computer and store information on a very small and lightweight hard disk. Thus, a person who is not using computer has to spend more time and space.

Furthermore, anyone can communicate with people all around the world by connecting the computer to internet and also can transfer data by E-mails. It is obvious that an individual not knowing computer has to use relatively expensive post or telephone service to communicate with people of another country. In this way, lack of computer skill is a financial disadvantage as well.

To conclude, people without computer are having relatively slow, imperfect and stressful life which cease their financial progress. People should understand benefits and importance of computer in 21st century and make their life easier by learning essential skills of computer.

Hi
This essay looks good. you have ideas.
in few places, articles are missing ( eg: the computer)
You could elaborate the second paragraph bit more, i mean adding one or two sentences
Perhaps, the introduction need a professional touch ?

BR
Delvy

[Hiren]

How if I replace that unclear sentence with following one ?

Nowadays, the knowledge of computer is essential to get an employment. I agree to the viewpoint of those people who believe that lack of computer skills have negative impact on some people's lives as the computer can enhance the speed, efficiency and productivity of an individual.

[novembernqk]

HI,
I would advice you to write 1or 2 sentences as background in introduction paragraph.
In addition, I have corrected some mistakes.

Topic:
Some people who can not work with computer is disadvantaged. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While there are grounds to argue that it would be disadvantaged if people cannot work with computer, it can be equally argue that this would be advantaged. In this essay I shall examine the merits both sides of the argument.

One argument in favor of working without computer is that it would not help people do their tasks efficiently. It is certainly true that computer could can solve thousands tasks per second, then people who work with computer do not spent spend much time to solve their job as they do without computer. For example, currently, using excel in computer is one of the fastest and the most accurate methods to use in accountant in accountancy. This problem cannot be seen in case of people working with paper and calculator. Undoubtedly, computer will help people work more efficient efficiently than without computer.

Despite this argument, there is equally strong argument that it would be disadvantaged if people work with computer too much. It can be explained by the fact that computer could(fact that excessive use of computer can create) impact on human health in negative ways. Unfortunately, heart attack and overweight are common diseases in people who work with computer. It would be caused by limited movement and passive thought of computer users. It can be clearly seen that working with computer could affect human health in disadvantage ways

In conclusion, I believe that while there are real merits on both sides of the argument, the moral case working with computer slightly outweighs working without computer. This is reinforced by belief in the principle that working with computer for suitable time is advantaged.

Many thanks for your correction