please grade my essay IELTS Writing Task 2

[Leela]

Some people believe children should be given independence while other thinks they should be restricted.
What is your opinion?

Since the down of time upbringing question has been the main issue for parents. One esteems that they should give freedom of selection for their brood in different life’s circumstances, when other consider conversely. To my way of thinking, it is much more effective for young people as to give more liberty in their actions and confine in some occasions owing to that we are designated for their destiny.
First and foremost, everyone child should choose intend purpose in his life.
From my point of view, in that case it would be better for parents to allow them make decisions by themselves. For example, if it besides of profession selection at enter to university or even about specialization courses to study. Moreover, children should have more freedom to see what the real world is like and the sooner the better it is.
However, parenting is essential when offspring’s are bestowed with extra freedom they tend to misuse it. Therefore, it leads to unknowing wrong path and end up regretting. For instance, if teenagers have got into a bad set, they do not think about consequences. And when things go wrong the situation goes out of control. They are not to handle it, as a result, anxiety and depression. That is why we nowadays see increased cases of suicides and violence.
To sum up, I believe that youngpeople need some amount of freedom because they are close to becoming adults and those, who responsible than others, manage to have different experiences in order to learn from them. On the other hand, some of them are not capable of making wise decisions, so parenting is consequential here. If the tremendous potential and willpower is guided in the right directions, it will lead the society towards progress.

[Flick]

Some people believe children should be given independence while other thinks they should be restricted.
What is your opinion?

Since the dawn of time, how to raise their children has been the main issue for parents. One faction believes that they should give freedom to their children to deal with life’s challenges, while other's feel it is better to restrict their children's independence. To my way of thinking, it is much more effective for young people to be given more liberty in their actions rather than confining them.
First and foremost, every child should be allowed tochoose his own destiny.
From my point of view, it would be better for parents to allow their children tomake decisions by themselves. For example, if the child wants to enter university and study for a specialized subject, they should be allowed to. Moreover, children should have more freedom to see what the real world is like and the sooner the better.
However, parenting is essential when offspring who are bestowed with extra freedom misuse i , as this could lead to them taking the wrong path and end up regretting their choices. For instance, if teenagers have got into a bad set, they do not think about consequences. And when things go wrong the situation can quickly get out of control. Because the teenager doesn't know how to handle the situation, it could result in anxiety and depression. That is why, nowadays we are seeing an increase in suicide and violence.
To sum up, I believe that young people need some amount of freedom because they are close to becoming adults and those who are more responsible than others manage to have different experiences in order to learn from them. On the other hand, some of them are not capable of making wise decisions, so parenting is essential here. If the tremendous potential and willpower is guided in the right directions, it will lead society towards progress.

[Leela]

Thanks a lot!