check my writing please!

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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aprodigy
Posts: 31
Joined: Fri Apr 25, 2014 8:03 am

check my writing please!

Post by aprodigy »

There are social, medical, and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phone?
It is true that usage of mobile phone relates to a large number of problems namely social, medical and technical. From my point of view, the disadvantages of mobile phone are on the top of its advantages.
On the one hand, it is no doubt that mobile phone plays an important role in our daily life. In fact, in today’s world, mobile phone is considered as the fastest means of exchanging information from far distance. To illustrate this point, take the messages as an example. Only by a mobile phone in your hands, do you send special messages quickly to your lover in Valentine’s Day, no matter where you are. Additionally, listening to music and taking photographs are also necessary applications for any customers who use modern cell phones because these applications help them to enjoy their life and relax after hardworking days whenever they want.
On the other hand, the disadvantages of mobile phones can not be overlooked. It is reasonable to say that using mobile phones frequently can cause some health problems. It is because nowadays with the blooming of some diseases such as short-sighted and deaf which seems to result from the electricity waves of mobile phone. The more cell phones are manufactured, the more people get medical problems. Furthermore, coming to social problems, there is no restrictions to capture photos through mobile cameras, edit them to the worst and publish them in the social networking sites. It is thus arguable that saving the pictures in mobile phones is like to be dangerous for users.
On balance, the disadvantages to social and health problems created by mobile phones definitely outweigh the advantages. However, we must know when and how much to use the mobile phone so that we can minimize the demerits to some extent.
Which band i can get???
durai
Posts: 401
Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 6:35 pm

Re: check my writing please!

Post by durai »

It is true that the usage of mobile phones relate to problems in different areas such as social, medical and technical. From my point of view, the disadvantages of mobile phone are on top of its advantages.

On the one hand, it is no doubt that the mobile phone plays an important role in our daily life. In fact, in today’s world,the mobile phone is considered as the fastest means of exchanging information from anywhere. To illustrate this point, take the text messages as an example. With the mobile phone in your hands, it is possible to send special text messages quickly to a lover on the Valentine’s Day irrespective of the place we live. Additionally, listening to music and taking photographs is also necessary applications for any customers who use modern cell phones because these applications help them to enjoy their life and relax after a busy day

On the other hand, the disadvantages of the mobile phones cannot be overlooked. It is reasonable to say that using mobile phones frequently can cause some health problems. It is because nowadays with the blooming can disease bloom of some diseases such as short-sight and deaf which seems to result from the electronic waves of mobile phone. The more cell phones are manufactured, the more people get medical problems. Furthermore, coming to social problems, there is no restrictions to capture photos through mobile cameras, edit them to the worst and publish them in the social networking sites. It is thus arguable that saving the pictures in mobile phones is very dangerous for people

On balance, the disadvantages such as social and health problems created by mobile phones definitely outweigh the advantages. However, we must know when and how much to use the mobile phones so that we can minimize the demerits to some extent.

well, you have answered the question, an dthat is the best part of your essay, but grammar and wordings make communication unclear. coherence lacks becasue of poor structures.

looks band 5.5 to 6 ( I am not an assessor)
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
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