Task 1 - Attending to a concert in UK

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bgrisolia
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon May 26, 2014 9:36 pm

Task 1 - Attending to a concert in UK

Post by bgrisolia »

I ask for suggestions in my writing. I apologize if it's not ok. I am a beginner.

In the past 20 years there was substantial changes in arts . One of them, in particular, is related on the reasons to be there.
At first, there was not only changes. People, for example, continue to attend arts due to a presentation of a specific artist or performer in the same proportion of 20 years ago.
However, on the same period there was a sharp contrast on the public visiting arts due to accompanying children. People going for this reason trebled on the period.
In the last two decades, there also a considerable decrease in public going for special celebration, which the number decreased three time on the end of last 20 years.
Finally, although the focus of art usually is concerned about entertainment, there is more people visiting arts for work. These numbers rise from 6% of the public twenty years ago to 11%, recently.
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Johnson zhang
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Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 8:34 am

Re: Task 1 - Attending to a concert in UK

Post by Johnson zhang »

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Last edited by Johnson zhang on Sun Aug 24, 2014 8:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
Nothing is impossible! Band score 9 is certainly not.
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Flick
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Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Task 1 - Attending to a concert in UK

Post by Flick »

bgrisolia wrote:I ask for suggestions in my writing. I apologize if it's not ok. I am a beginner.

In the past 20 years there have been substantial changes in the arts. One of them in particular, is related to the reasons to attend an event. The table shows how reasons for attending an event have changed from 20 years ago to today.

At first, there was not only changes. People, for example, continue to attend arts due to a presentation of a specific artist or performer in the same proportion of 20 years ago.(<-- Reword this sentence to: 'The biggest reason for attending the arts, the desire to see a specific performer or artist, has remained unchanged over the years, with just over 50% of people stating this reason.'
However, in the same period there was a sharp increase in the number of people attending the arts due to accompanying children. People going for this reason almost trebled in the period, from 9% to 24%. (<-- Because you are describing the table, remember to include numbers from the table. It helps to imagine the reader cannot see the table, so you have to tell them everything about it.)
In the last two decades, there has also been a considerable decrease in the public going for special celebrations' dropping from 27% 20 years ago to 9% today.
Finally, although the focus of art is usually about entertainment, there are more people visiting art events for work. These numbers rise from 6% twenty years ago to 11% recently.
(Don't forget to include a conclusion. It can be very simple. For example: 'There are four main reasons for people to attend the arts, and although the main reason hasn't changed over the past 20 years, the other reasons have changed in popularity.'
Hi bgrisolia,

Never apologise for your mistakes! You are a beginner and English is a difficult language. You are doing a great job and we are all happy to help you learn.
Keep up the good work!

Thanks,
Flick
bgrisolia
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon May 26, 2014 9:36 pm

Re: Task 1 - Attending to a concert in UK

Post by bgrisolia »

Hi Flick,

Thank you so much for your excellent suggestions!

We gave me motivation to improve my skills... :D
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