writing task2 on alternative energy sources. Feedback needed

[oanhthuy]

Here is my essay about "alternative energy sources".
Please give me some feedback on it.
Thanks in advance!!

Fossil fuels, such as coal, oil and natural gas, are used in many countries. The use of alternative sources of energy, including wind and solar power, is encouraged. Is this trend a positive or negative development?

In many parts of the world today, human beings tend to replace traditional energy sources or fossil fuel such as coal, oil and natural gas utilizing in industrial as well as daily activities by renewable energy sources including wind, solar and hydro power. In my opinion, this trend would benefit humanity in many aspects.

On the one hand, using alternative energy sources might substantially reduce detrimental environment impacts, which are the results of using coal, oil and natural gas to produce energy. Burning fossil fuels releases carbon dioxide, gas emission and other pollutants into the atmosphere, which is the primary reason of increasing greenhouse effect and air pollution in many big cities in the world including Beijing and New Delhi. As a result, if these emissions can be diminished by changing fossil energy into alternative energy, also known in some cases as “green energy”, poor air quality situation would possibly be improved in the foreseeable future.

At the same time, energy generated from wind, solar and hydro power would help tackle global energy shortage situation since fossils fuel is not everlasting resources. In fact, these traditional sources have become scarce in many countries throughout the world, and inhabitants in these countries have not been provided enough energy to support their basic activities such as studying, travelling and even lighting. Wind, water and solar power, in contrast, are plentiful and always available to manipulate. Therefore, governments should give more serious thoughts into these renewable sources in order to substitute traditional sources, which are dwindling gradually.

In conclusion, the shift of using fossil fuels as the main energy source into more eco-friendly and more available sources would definitely help us support a sustainable development and should be encouraged by all countries.
(283 words)

[Johnson zhang]

Not bad.

I guess it is always easier to write an essay about energy use.

try a harder topic .

[oanhthuy]

Thank you for your advice Jonhson. Since it's my first attempt to writing about energy topic, I still found it pretty difficult (I'm a newbie in the Ielts war ^^). However, it's still easier than other topics indeed.
Could you please give me some feedback based on writing band descriptors (TA, CC, LR, GRA) and mark it if possible?
I will try to working on more difficult topic as well.

Anyway, I noticed that you have been through 3 times involve in Ielts test, and your Listening, Reading and Speaking band scores are very impressive. Could you give me more advice in these 3 sections, especially Speaking. I'm suck with it, usually cannot figure out any ideas to talk about, and make a long pause in the middle of the test. (mock test, of course, since I've never been in any real Ielts test before). Regarding Reading test, I usually cannot manage to make it on time, and often panic at the end of the test when I realized I have too many incomplete questions left.

Again, thank you so much, Johnson. ^^

[Johnson zhang]

I am sorry you're asking the wrong guy. I don't prepare Ielts exams (just do it) other than writing.
My writing sucks anyway....

go through all ryan's videos.
if you want to a band score evaluation , contact ryan for his pro. service.

[oanhthuy]

WOW!!! You got all of those impressed high scores and even didn't need to prepare for the exams!!! Are you genius?? Or are you now living in a English speaking country?

Really admire you, bro

[Johnson zhang]

yes I lived in australia since young

[oanhthuy]

No wonder why you've done so well.
I myself will move to Australia this September for about 3 years and now I'm trying hard to get at least band 7.0 in Ielts Exam.
Hope that will give me some advantages when seeking job there.