******Q. Space exploration

[Johnson zhang]

With all the problems in the world today, spending money on space exploration is a complete
waste. The money could be better spent on other causes. To what extent, do you agree or
disagree


answers

Many counties are battling a variety of challenges. Often, insufficient funding is assigned to tackle them. Thus, it is not a surprise that people are raising questions over the enormous budgets for space programs. I agree that funds for space exploration are excessive. Nevertheless, space projects are not wasteful.

On the one hand, space programs are meant to bring indisputable long term contribution to humanity. For example, scientist have predated that the sun will die in billions of years and destroy nearby planets including earth. Humanity hopes that the advancement of space engineering will then save all life on earth. Undoubtedly, current outer space ventures are human’s initiatives to face the future disasters on a grand scale. Thus, it is clear that space development is profound and far from meaningless.

On the other hand, space projects may be spoiling the opportunities to act upon some difficult challenges. For one, global warming is a dire issue and could cost economies billions in loss. For instance, Sydney was experiencing the warmest winter in 2013 since the official recording began, arguing that global warming is already in effect. As a result, season-sensitive businesses like winter clothing boutiques suffered severe losses. However, in order to alleviate global warming effects, governments would have to invest heavily in initiative programs such as reducing the emission of carbon dioxides. The large sum of funds devoted to space science and engineering would and could make a difference in solving some urgent issues society faces.

In conclusion,while space exploration is envisioned to benefit humanity in a long run, its excessive funding may be unsustainable. I support space engineering and scientific research though the funding in the past could be argued to be overly gigantic.

Revised
I am here to thank you in adv. for your help!

[allen_zhang]

I'd like to comment a little.

The world is facing various challenges, and to tackle them needs funding in sufficiency.
From a reader's view, I don't know what you want to talk about.
"funding in sufficiency". Why not just "sufficient funds"?

Governments’ budgets for space programs for human are thus under scrutiny.
You use "thus",so it is supposed to be a reason before it. However, I didn't see the former sentence can draw such a conclusion.
because "need funding" so it should under scrutiny"?

It is agreed that the enormous funding seen in the past for space exploration should be re-evaluated due to lacklustre returns, and probably better to be shared.

What do you mean "to be shared"?

Nevertheless, space projects are not wasteful.

On the one hand, space programs are meant to bring indisputable long term contribution to humanity. The dying of the sun in billion years, for example, will consume nearby planets including earth said by scientists. It is hoped that the advancement of space engineering will then save all life on earth. Undoubtedly, current outer space ventures are human’s initiatives to face the future disasters in a grand scale. Thus, it is clear that space development is profound and far from meaningless.

Generally, It's a good paragraph,well written. However, I wouldn't choose such a big argument.

On the other hand, society is saddled with dire issues such as pollution and global warming. For instance, Sydney was experiencing the warmest fall in 2014 since the official recording began, arguing that the global warming is already in effect.
Because of the scales of problems and the urgency to act correspondingly, massive amount of investments are mandatory in order to alleviate effects of problems such as a rising sea level. Hence, budgets for space exploration should be amended to embrace other challenges.

Grammar is good. I would suggest to use a better topic sentence as the first sentence. For example: Some people believe that government funding should go to other more crucial areas such as.....Readers will be better informed what you are going to talk about in this paragraph.


In conclusion, space exploration is visioned to benefit humanity in a long run while its excessive funding is hardly sustainable. I support space engineering and scientific research though the funding in the past is seen overly gigantic.

[durai]

Hi Johnson,


You written the essay with high sophisticated vocabulary and few grammar errors, but as a band 6.6 to 7 candidate, I find difficult to understand. In some instances, I was not sure what you are trying to explain.

I read many Ryan's band 9 essays, I understood all words completely.

With this, I feel your essay has lack of coherence. Hope some expert would go through yours....

Good luck

Durai

[Johnson zhang]

Thanks allen zhang and durai.

1, all problems need funding to solve, thus governments' excessive budgets have been criticised.

2, those funding should be shared with other projects.

3, spot on comment on the topic sentence .

4, my essays tend to be written overly complicated. I am aware of the problem and is trying to write with simplicity .....

[allen_zhang]

Some ideas I would use to support space exploration:
1. technologies developed for space research can be civilianized.
For example: some agriculture experiments are carried out on space stations -- breed seeds of plants in space and bring them back to the earth --> improve the yield rate of these plants --> people benefit from it.

2. curiosity is the driving force of human civilization. Humans are tempted by the mysterious of the universe. Just like some children smash a clock and try to find how it works, space research server the same purpose to humanity.

3. provide the possibility of settling on other planets. --> this is kind of like your idea.