Writing task 1 please revise

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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demoke
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu May 15, 2014 5:34 am

Writing task 1 please revise

Post by demoke »

Given are three pie charts concerning the total spending by a particular British school in 1981, 1991 and 2001 respectively. It is clear from the figures that each part of the spending varies significantly in terms of percentage.

The spending on teachers’ salaries, which accounts for 45% in average, remain the largest part of the total expenditure regardless of time. The proportion of this, however, experienced 10% increase in 1991 and 5% decline in the following decade. Similarily, resources spending climbed by 5% in the first decade before dropped to 9% in 2001. In contrast, there was 10% decrease in the furniture and equipment expenditure in 1991 from 1981, whereas its proportion then jumped to 20% in 2001.

On the other hand, the insurance spending stayed as the smallest part with a moderate rise from only 2% to 8% through this period of time. Contrary to all of the other parts, expenditure on other workers’ salaries was the solely part that experienced a continous fall from 20% in 1981 to 22% in 1991, and it eventually reached as low as 15% in 2001.

Your comments will be appreciated.
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Flick
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Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Writing task 1 please revise

Post by Flick »

demoke wrote:Given are three pie charts concerning the total spending by a particular British school in 1981, 1991 and 2001 respectively. It is clear from the figures that each part of the spending varies significantly in terms of percentage.

The spending on teachers’ salaries, which accounts for 45% on average, remains the largest part of total expenditure regardless of time. The proportion of this, however, experienced a 10% increase in 1991 and a 5% decline the following decade. Similarly, spending on resources climbed by 5% in the first decade before dropping to 9% in 2001. In contrast, there was a 10% decrease in the furniture and equipment expenditure in 1991 from 1981, which then jumped to 20% in 2001.

On the other hand, insurance spending stayed as the smallest part with a moderate rise from 2% to 8% through this period of time. Contrary to all of the other parts, expenditure on other workers’ salaries was the only area that experienced a continous fall from 20% in 1981 to 22% in 1991,(<-- 20% to 22% is not a fall. Did you get the numbers correct?) eventually dropping to 15% in 2001.
Your description was clear and easy to follow. However, it would be easier to check your writing if the graphs were included.
Thanks,
Flick
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