The bar chart provides knowledge about the growth of urban population in Africa,Asia and Latin America between 1950 and 2000 and also gave prediction far 2030.
Overall, urban population was more in Latin America than others but in Africa urban population was less.Not only all continents but globe also followed upward trend.
In detail, in the world, 30% of population lived in cities in 1950 but it was nearly 50% in 2000 and also predicted that it will be 60% in year 2030. In 1950, 40% people lived in towns which was increased by 30% in 2000 as well as it will be 80% in 2030, according to prediction.
Further zooming the graph, near about 15% urban population in Asia which followed by Africa with 11% in 1950 and the urban population of both continents were same in 2000.It is predicted that urban population of Africa will be up to 55% in 2030 and African population in cities will be near about 50 percentage.
Task 1 Please evaluate
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Re: Task 1 Please evaluate
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Thanks for your submission raviwaraichi95!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
The bar chart provides INFORMATION about the growth of urban populationS in Africa, Asia and Latin America between 1950 and 2000 and also GIVES predictionS far OUT AS 2030. Overall, urban population GROWS MORE IN more in Latin America than THE other PLACES but in Africa urban population was less (I can't really understand the meaning of this part) AND all continents AS WELL AS THE ENTIRE globe (delete 'also') followed AN upward trend.
DETAILS AND COMPARISON:
LOOKING IN MORE detail, (delete 'in the world,') 30% of THE WORLD population lived in cities in 1950 but THIS HAD RISEN TO nearly 50% in 2000 and IS also predicted that it will be 60% in THE year 2030. In 1950, 40% OF people lived in towns which (delete 'was') HAD increased by 30% in 2000 as well as it will be .. AND WILL GO OMN INCREASING TO 80% in 2030, according to CURRENT predictionS.
Further zooming IN ON the graph, near about 15% urban population in Asia which followed by Africa with 11% in 1950 and the urban population of both continents were same in 2000 (I cannot understand this portion without seeing the chart). It is predicted that THE urban population of Africa will INCREASE to 55% in 2030 and THE African population in cities will be CLOSE TO 50 per cent.
Good effort raviwaraich95! Please try to fix your grammar problems, especially with prepositions (in, on..) and tense (was increased/had increased).
Advice:
1. 'Knowledge' is something that is inside a person's head (or many people's heads). A better word is 'information'.
2. Try to use the phrase "Looking in more detail, ..." at the beginning of your second paragraph.
3. I think you have some small problems using verbs, especially passives. It would be a good idea to review these forms before you write another task 1.
4. Don't forget to add some COMPARISONS to your task 1 essay!
Band-score:
TA: 5.0 (no comparisons)
G: 5.0
V: 5.0
CC: 5.0
IELTS essay check : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/essays
Online IELTS lessons : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/lessons
IELTS Freebies!! : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/freebies
YouTube - "COUNT- VS. NON-COUNT NOUNS IN IELTS" : https://youtu.be/3qQW0xBFOK0
Thanks for your submission raviwaraichi95!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
The bar chart provides INFORMATION about the growth of urban populationS in Africa, Asia and Latin America between 1950 and 2000 and also GIVES predictionS far OUT AS 2030. Overall, urban population GROWS MORE IN more in Latin America than THE other PLACES but in Africa urban population was less (I can't really understand the meaning of this part) AND all continents AS WELL AS THE ENTIRE globe (delete 'also') followed AN upward trend.
DETAILS AND COMPARISON:
LOOKING IN MORE detail, (delete 'in the world,') 30% of THE WORLD population lived in cities in 1950 but THIS HAD RISEN TO nearly 50% in 2000 and IS also predicted that it will be 60% in THE year 2030. In 1950, 40% OF people lived in towns which (delete 'was') HAD increased by 30% in 2000 as well as it will be .. AND WILL GO OMN INCREASING TO 80% in 2030, according to CURRENT predictionS.
Further zooming IN ON the graph, near about 15% urban population in Asia which followed by Africa with 11% in 1950 and the urban population of both continents were same in 2000 (I cannot understand this portion without seeing the chart). It is predicted that THE urban population of Africa will INCREASE to 55% in 2030 and THE African population in cities will be CLOSE TO 50 per cent.
Good effort raviwaraich95! Please try to fix your grammar problems, especially with prepositions (in, on..) and tense (was increased/had increased). Advice:
1. 'Knowledge' is something that is inside a person's head (or many people's heads). A better word is 'information'.
2. Try to use the phrase "Looking in more detail, ..." at the beginning of your second paragraph.
3. I think you have some small problems using verbs, especially passives. It would be a good idea to review these forms before you write another task 1.
4. Don't forget to add some COMPARISONS to your task 1 essay!
Band-score:
TA: 5.0 (no comparisons)
G: 5.0
V: 5.0
CC: 5.0
