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Thanks for your submission lucifer169!! Please see my rewrite below ...
Dear Julie,
Hope you’re doing well. I’m writing to you in response to your letter about the racket I caused on the night of 4th of July 2020.
As you might already be aware, THE 4th of July is celebrated as (delete 'the') Independence Day in the United States, AND given the festive mood, I decided to throw a small party at my apartment that night to celebrate (delete 'it') (even though it was a weekday). Unfortunately, it got a bit out of hand and we ended up making QUITE (add this adverb to soften your misbehaviour) a lot of noise.
I am truly sorry for my actions that night and wanted to take this opportunity to apologize to you. I REALISE NOW THAT it was not good neighbourly behaviour on my part, and I should have
kept your inconvenience in mind .. PUT A BIT MORE THOUGHT INTO HOW IT WOULD AFFECT YOU.
Moving forward .. IN THE FUTURE, I will ensure that I always keep the noise to a minimum whenever there’s a get-together at my apartment. Additionally, I will try my best to end these parties before 10pm to honour ("abide by" might be a better choice here) the quiet hours policy set by our apartment community.
Again, I’m sorry for ANY TROUBLE I caused you that night and hope you can forgive me (delete 'for it').
Sincerely,
Laveesh
Great great letter! Really good job. I can only detect the smallest problems in this letter. You should be proud of this one.
Advice:
1. Special days like Christmas Day, New Years Day, and Independence Day do not require 'the'. However, we do say "THE 4th of July". English is very strange!!
2. Try not to use made up phrases like "keep your inconvenience in mind". This is impossible to understand. If you had said "keep your convenience in mind" it might have made more sense, but still the way I wrote it would be a better way to phrase this idea.
3. I think 'get together' is a phrasal verb, 'get-together- is a noun meaning 'party'.
Band-score:
TA: 7.5 (I think you answered a different question from the one you scanned and uploaded, but I can imagine the real question)
G: 8.5 (the grammar is basically flawless)
V: 8.0 ("any trouble" not "the troubles")
CC: 8.0
