Please evelaute my writing task 2. I have my exam on 28th Oct and aiming for atleast band 7

[schedup]

Computers have made it possible for people to work from home instead of working in offices every day. This should be encouraged as it is good for both workers and employers. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

With the advancement of the computing technologies, the opportunity for online collaboration had tremendously increased. While there are mix feelings on whether to promote the employees to work from their homes or not, I am of the opinion that the companies should motivate their staffs to work from homes as it provides advantages to both the employers and employees.

The early peak hour traffics are creating havoc and nightmares for the commuters. Having to rush to office at these hours not only are tiresome for the people, it also waste lots of valuable time in those traffic jams, otherwise which could be utilized effectively and productively. Working from home will not only brings positive effects to the individuals, it also reduces unnecessary expenses on petroleum gases, thus contributing to the reduction of carbon footprints which is the concerns for the entire nations in the world.

The cloud services have not only benefited the companies with huge reduction on the expenditures for the development and management of infrastructures, it also provides mobility platform to the employees. Now the individuals have an option to work from any part of the world. Making the staffs to work at home would benefits the company with lesser expenses. Firstly, when the staffs work from their homes, the employer does not have to lease the office spaces, which are shooting up exorbitantly every year. Secondly, there are opportunity for the managements to reduce the number of employees, especially in the supervisory level, as most of the workforces will be objective and output oriented irrespective of supervisory control.

As you can see that there are positive impacts to both the companies and their staffs for providing an opportunity to work from their homes than working in office, we should promote and leverage on the technology and the platform to work from home.

[ted_ielts]

A few corrections for the first paragraph:

With the advancement of the computing technologies, the opportunity for online collaboration has increased tremendously. While there are mixed feelings on whether to have employees work from their homes or not, I am of the opinion that companies should motivate their staff to work from homes as it provides advantages to both the employers and employees.

[schedup]

Thank you Ted_ielts for your valuable comments. If you were to mark it , can you please mark my essay approximately. I really need to get band score of minimum 7.

Thank you in advance.

[ted_ielts]

There are far too many basic errors (particularly in grammar) for it to attain a band 7. In other respects, it is quite good, such as structure. Perhaps it would get a 6.

[schedup]

Thank you very much for your comments. I really have to work on the drawbacks as mentioned by you. really appreciated.

[ted_ielts]

You're welcome. I think if you can work on some small but noticeable errors, you can raise your score significantly.

Look in particular at your use of uncountable nouns - traffic, workforce, staff. You pluralized each of these.

[schedup]

My heartfelt gratitude for your coaching. I will remember such errors especially the uncountable nouns. It will really help me and go long way.

[ted_ielts]

You are welcome. Good luck for your exam!