Task 2 aim 7+

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Aky
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Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 6:47 am

Task 2 aim 7+

Post by Aky »

Question:
it should be necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to learn how to bring their children up. Do you agree?
My answer:

The issue of whether parents should attend a parenting training courses to learn how to bring their children up or not is certainly contentious one. As regards my point view, I completely agree with them, and I consider that there are two principal reasons with this trend are as follows.

Firstly, bringing children up has a crucial role to play in many families, and it is not something that parents have to avoid ding or educating their offspring. In a parenting training courses, for example, older people who have children can learn plenty of ways to understand youngsters. However, without taking a part in such courses or lessons, parents often face challenges during fundamental education of children. Thus, this makes it clear that young parents need to attend in courses which are related to children’s education in order to bring children up.

Secondly, enrolling on such training courses might prevent parents from educating wrongly, meaning that today, many parents are afraid of growing a violent child. One particularly salient example of this is allowing young children to play a video games which are regarded as aggressive and life threatening for young children. However, in a parenting training courses both father and mother are taught to play physical games rather that ultra-violent video games. Therefore, it is essential that parents should be taken a lesson from innovative courses.

To conclude, it is agreed that parents can get benefits from such kind courses and it is esteemed that almost in all countries, every parent will enroll on this type of training courses.
(260 words)


What can you recommend to improve my essays and any suggestions ????
Anyway thank you very much in advance !!!! :D :D
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Re: Task 2 aim 7+

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello again!

Overall, a reasonable essay - certainly not bad! The essay is just over 250 words and there does not seem to be much detail. In addition, some points are repeated (last sentence of the first main paragraph) instead of introducing supporting evidence, such as why parents are not able to do this without a training course.

Some points are assertions that may or may not be true, e.g. training courses involve physical games. (By the way, the evidence against violent video games is minimal at best.) In addition, you don't really consider other points, e.g. cost, getting help from relatives.

There are grammar and vocabulary mistakes, but these do not affect meaning, so this would certainly not get a low score. In fact, the range of grammar and vocabulary is quite good.

All the best,
David
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Aky
Posts: 90
Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 6:47 am

Re: Task 2 aim 7+

Post by Aky »

Thank You very much David
I really appreciate your feedback !!!
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