Please assess my writing task 2

[fasah]

Some people believe that good leaders are born, whereas others the opinion that the leadership qualities could be obtained during the life.who represent the good leader qualities indeed?

A leader is the demand of every nation,community, group or society.He is the only one to be looked at in the hour of need for guidance, action plan and brilliant strategies. At this point, it is often discussed whether leaders are born with leadership qualities or they are carved out. Personally, I do believe that every individual is born with certain unique characteristics, but it requires exposure, learning and experience of life to shape the in the role of good leader.

Honestly, if we closely examine the qualities required to be called as a leader, embracing the nation in difficult times and to stand by their sides is one of them. Let it be a war, any natural calamity, civil turmoils or inflation, solution is generally needed by the public. For example, general Pervaiz Musharraf in 2006, utilised all his resources when Pakistani lands were hit badly by the earthquake. He visited those places himself, organised relief camps for refugees, made appeals for donations on international forums and established an effective rehabilitation program. Later on in one of his interviews, he accredited his army training for all those strategies. This is one of the main reason that people still remember him with good words, as he recalled the lost spirit and unite people on one platform as a nation.

Moreover, it is a fact that no scientific study has been successful in ruling out the role of inheritance for leadership. If the link of genetics to leadership was real then most the family members of leaders would have become leaders themselves. For instance, in the history of Pakistani politics, most of the persons belonging to leader families, have failed terribly when the challenging roles were offered to them.

In summary, a leader is an inspiration and a role model to be followed. To fulfill the criteria, all demanding qualities must be exhibited by them, one of which is mentioned as well and they can be rightly achieved at one or other moment during the course of life.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, this is a good essay. I think there is one way in which it could be improved, however. You say in the introduction that good leadership "requires exposure, learning and experience", but then you do not mention any of this in your essay.

Vocabulary is good and grammatical accuracy is very good, though the range of structures is not very wide.

Well done and I think you can easily make this a very good essay.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Some people believe that good leaders are born, whereas others the opinion that the leadership qualities could be obtained during the life.who represent the good leader qualities indeed?

A leader is the demand of every nation,community, group or society.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) He is looked to in the hour of need for guidance, action and brilliant strategies. At this point, it is often discussed whether leaders are born with leadership qualities or they are carved out. Personally, I believe that every individual is born with certain unique characteristics, but it requires exposure, learning and experience to shape them into a good leader.

Honestly, if we closely examine the qualities required to be called a leader, embracing the nation in difficult times is one of them. Let it be a war, a natural disaster, civil turmoil or economic hardship, a solution is needed by the public. For example, General Pervaiz Musharraf in 2006 utilised all his resources when Pakistani lands were hit badly by an earthquake. He visited those places himself, organised relief camps for refugees, made appeals for donations on international forums and established an effective rehabilitation program. Later on in one of his interviews, he accredited his army training for all those strategies. This is one of the main reasons that people still remember him with good words, as he united people on one platform as a nation.

Moreover, it is a fact that no scientific study has been successful in ruling out the role of genetics for leadership. If the link of genetics to leadership was real, then most of the family members of leaders would become leaders themselves. For instance, in the history of Pakistani politics, most of the people belonging to leader families have failed terribly when challenging roles were offered to them.

In summary, a leader is an inspiration and a role model to be followed. To fulfill the criteria, all demanding qualities must be exhibited by them, one of which is mentioned as well and they can be rightly achieved at one or other moment during the course of life.(<--I don't understand this sentence.)