Please help to assess my essay.

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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allen_zhang
Posts: 362
Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am

Please help to assess my essay.

Post by allen_zhang »

Scientists and the mass media are presenting more evidences of climate change. Governments cannot be expected to solve this problem. It is the responsibility of individuals to change their way of lifestyle to prevent further damage. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Climate change has become one of the major challenges that our planet is facing. Some people believe that it is individuals rather than governments who should take the responsibilities to address this problem. I disagree with this opinion.

It is true that individuals can make their contribution to tackle climate change problem. The trend of global warming is considered as the major climate change. To individuals, changing of lifestyles can help to reduce the emission of greenhouse gas which is the main cause of global warming. For example, people can choose to give up driving private cars and to take greener means of transport like public transport or walking. In addition, saving power at home is another thing individuals can do on this matter. This is because the majority of our electric power comes from power plants which consume a huge amount of fossil fuel and produce greenhouse gases.

However, an issue as big as climate change cannot be simply solved at individuals’ level. It is the governments who can make a real difference. Firstly, factory emissions are the main source of greenhouse gas. To restrict and regulate the factory emissions, governments can take economic or even law enforcement measures. For example, taxing carbon emissions and punishing over discharging could be effective methods in reducing factory emissions. Secondly, another solution can be taken by governments is to make policies to encourage the use of greener energies like wind power, solar power and water power. Lastly, investments in public transport systems and encouraging people to take greener public transport are also among the actions which can contribute to addressing the climate change problem but cannot be done by individuals.

To sum up, from my point of view, in the campaign of tackling climate change, individuals can certainly make their contributions by changing their lifestyles, but the governments are the key players.
Last edited by allen_zhang on Fri Apr 04, 2014 11:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
andytruong1202
Posts: 80
Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2014 12:06 pm

Re: Please help to assess my essay.

Post by andytruong1202 »

allen_zhang wrote:Scientists and the mass media are presenting more evidences of climate change. Governments cannot be expected to solve this problem. It is the responsibility of individuals to change their way of lifestyle to prevent further damage. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Climate change has become one of the major challenges that our planet is facing. Some people believe that it is individuals rather than governments who should take the responsibilities to address this problem. I disagree with this opinion.

It is true that individuals can make their contribution to tackle climate change problem The trend of global warming is considered as the major climate change. To individuals, changing of lifestyles can help to reduce the emission of greenhouse gas which is the main cause of global warming. For example, people can choose to give up driving private cars and to take greener means of transport like public transport or walking. In addition, saving power at home is another thing individuals can do on this matter. This is because the majority of our electric power comes from power plants which consume a huge amount of fossil fuel and produce greenhouse gases.

However, an issue as big as climate change cannot be simply solved at individuals’ level. It is the governments who can make a real difference. Firstly, factory emissions are the main source of greenhouse gas. To restrict and regulate the factory emissions, governments can take economic or even law enforcement measures. For example, taxing carbon emissions and punishing over discharging could be effective methods in reducing factory emissions. Secondly, another solution can be taken by governments is to make policies to encourage the use of greener energies like wind power, solar power and water power. Lastly, investments in public transport systems and encouraging people to take greener public transport are also among the actions which can contribute to addressing the climate change problem but cannot be done by individuals.

To sum up, from my point of view, in the campaign of tackling climate change, individuals can certainly make their contributions by changing their lifestyles, but the governments are the key players.
I've checked it for you here viewtopic.php?t=942&p=3104
allen_zhang
Posts: 362
Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am

Re: Please help to assess my essay.

Post by allen_zhang »

Hi Andy,
Highly appreciate your comments.
However, I disagree with some of them.
Can we discuss a little?
Climate change has become one of the major challenges that our planet is facing. Some people believe that it is individuals rather than governments who should take responsibilities to address this problem. I disagree with this opinion.

It is true that individuals can make their contribution to reduce climate change (While you disagree with the view above, what point are you trying to make here??). The trend of global warming is considered as the major climate change (This sentence is nonsense). For individuals, changing of lifestyle can help to reduce the emission of greenhouse gas which is the main cause of global warming ( Off topic. For example, people can choose to give up driving private cars and to take greener means of transport like public transport or walking, which can effectively reduce the greenhouse gas emissions again, off topic. In addition, saving power at home is another thing individuals can do on this matter. This is because the majority of our electric power comes from power plants which consume a huge amount of fossil fuel and produce greenhouse gases.This paragraph is off topic, you should provide reasons as to why you disagree with the view you stated in your introduction

However, an issue as big as climate change cannot be simply solved at individuals’ level. It is the governments who can make a real difference. Firstly, factory emissions are the main source of greenhouse gas. To restrict and regulate the factory emissions, governments can take economic or even law enforcement measures. For example, taxing carbon emissions and punishing over discharging could be effective methods in reducing factory emissions. Secondly, another solution can be taken by governments is to make policies to encourage the use of greener energies like wind power, solar power and water power. Lastly, investments in public transport systems and encouraging people to take greener public transport are also among the actions which can contribute to address the climate change problem but cannot be done by individuals. This is also off topic.

To sum up, from my point of view, in the campaign of tackling climate change, individuals can certainly make their contributions by changing their lifestyles, but the governments are the key role in it.

The way I organized my essay is as below:
Question: do you agree that governments cannot be expected to solve climate change and only individuals can do it.
Answers:
opionion: I disagree with the statement.
main paragraph 1: I accept that indivduas can contribute to it. ( concession )
main paragraph 2: But governments can do far more.

Should I just say government can do this and that?
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
andytruong1202
Posts: 80
Joined: Sat Mar 08, 2014 12:06 pm

Re: Please help to assess my essay.

Post by andytruong1202 »

Hi Allen,

I think you misunderstood the question. It asked you to agree to whether it's the responsibility of individuals to protect the environment/climate change or not/the responsibility of governments.
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