Writing Task 2 - Aims achieved by luck

[jennyj]

I've written this to practice academic writing. Hope I'll get several helpful comments from you all.

'Whether or not someone achieve their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?'
~~~
How to become successful is always one of the most concerning issues among people. Everyone is aware of plenty of elements that would have impacts on goal achievement. Many consider luck as the most vital to success; however, it should not be taken for grant that all achievements are mainly influenced by luck. This essay will discuss the reasons for that disagreement.
First of all, considering luck as the major cause of all achievements may have a negative impact on society's perspective on the achievements. It may hardly be denied that when people desire to reach their goals, they would definitely make every effort not only in preparation but also in process. However, if people consider that someone’s success mainly depends on their good luck or their failure is mostly caused by their bad luck, their effort to reach the goals may be misjudged. Specifically, sometimes whether people could achieve their aim or not depends on how much effort they would make to avoid being negligent. For instance, even good students may fail a Maths exam if they mistake a plus for a minus in an equation, which cannot be considered as bad luck but carelessness.
Some may argue that sometimes luck is the final element for an achievement, especially when everything becomes unpredictable. It may be partly true; however, these unforeseeable issues can be solved or minimized if preparation and examination have been carried out properly. For example, it may be unpredictable when a student who is good at Maths could mistake a plus for a minus in an equation, probably being careless in their exam. Nevertheless, if that student pays great attention on checking their work before handing in, they may find that mistake and correct it, consequently leading to their expected exam result.
In conclusion, although luck may be important in goal achievement, it should not be always considered as the most essential aspect as effort also plays a key role in everyone’s success.

[Flick]

I've written this to practice academic writing. Hope I'll get several helpful comments from you all.

'Whether or not someone achieve their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?'
~~~
How to become successful is one of the most concerning issues many people face. Everyone is aware of plenty of elements that would have impacts on goal achievement. Many consider luck as the most vital component to success. However, it should not be taken for granted that all achievements are mainly influenced by luck. This essay will discuss the reasons for that viewpoint.

First of all, considering luck as the major cause of all achievements may have a negative impact on society's perspective of various achievements. It can hardly be denied that when people desire to reach their goals, they definitely make every effort not only in preparation but also in process. However, if people consider that someone’s success mainly depends on their good luck, or their failure is mostly caused by their bad luck, their efforts to reach their goals may be misjudged. Specifically, sometimes whether people achieve their aims or not depends on how much effort they make to avoid being negligent. For instance, even good students may fail a maths exam if they mistake a plus for a minus in an equation, which cannot be considered as bad luck but carelessness.

Some may argue that sometimes luck is the final element for an achievement, especially when everything becomes unpredictable. This may be partly true. However, these unforeseeable issues can be solved or minimized if preparation and examination have been carried out properly. For example, it may be unpredictable when a student who is good at maths mistakes a plus for a minus in an equation, probably being careless in their exam. Nevertheless, if that student pays great attention on checking their work before handing it in, they may find that mistake and correct it, consequently leading to their expected exam result.

In conclusion, although luck may be important in goal achievement, it should not always be considered as the most essential aspect as effort also plays a key role in everyone’s success.

[FastTrackIELTS]

Hi Jenny,

I have provided some feedback to your essay below. Examiners will grade your exam based on these criteria: how well you followed the task, how well the essay flows, how well you use the English language and your range of grammar.

Task Achievement
Your essay makes good points about the effects of effort and luck in relation to success however in some areas you have failed to address whether you agree or disagree with the statement. Be careful to use the entire question in your answer. You have clearly stated the pros and cons of this viewpoint however you have not addressed to what EXTENT you agree with the statement. You can acquire a higher band score by giving your opinion with points in favour or against throughout the essay rather than just in the closing paragraph. You might say "A student may consider himself to be lucky if he is given a maths exam that contains questions he has practiced before, however I would argue that the true reason for the student's success is due to his studies prior to the exam." This example addresses the question, your opinion and discusses the EXTENT of agreement or disagreement. You may find it useful to write down all of the key words in the question before you begin.

Coherence and Cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear point it is making and the arguments are organised logically. You may find it useful to give your essay a tighter structure as sometimes it was difficult to understand whether you agreed or disagreed with the statement. You could use the first paragraph as your introduction, the second for an argument in favour, the third for an argument against the final to summarise your argument. In addition, your point in the second to last paragraph regarding things becoming 'unpredictable' is at times unclear. Try to imagine the examiner reading your assignment. Would he or she know what you meant by 'especially when everything is unpredictable'. If you wish to introduce a concept or idea such as this, be sure to give an example. You might say: "Some might argue that luck is the final element of achievement, especially when the outcome can be unpredictable. An example of this is a poker player who would need skill to win a game but he or she would also need some luck to draw the right cards."A great tip is to read the sentence out loud (of course don't do this in your actual exam!) to see how well it flows. If it doesn't sound smooth when read out loud, it probably won't read very well for the examiner!

Lexical Resource
You use an adequate range of words in your sentences with some complex words such as “unforseeable” and "negligent" and show a great understanding of English spelling. You also have a wide range of connecting terms such as 'In conclusion', 'for instance' and 'specifically'. Continue to use a wide variety of words and to expand and use your wide vocabulary in your essays. A great tip is to read through your essay to look for words that are repeated and to try to use a synonym (a word that means the same thing).

Grammatical Range and Accuracy
You use both simple and complex sentence structures well. You would be able to gain more points by avoiding errors in grammar. Flick has done a great job of highlighting grammatical errors above. One key here is to understand that examiners look at how many error free sentences you write. For example, to get band 7, you need to be able to write “frequent” error free sentences. You may find it simpler to break down your points into two smaller sentences rather than one large sentence to avoid making consistent mistakes.

I hope this is of some help for you. If you require any further assistance with this, or any of the sections of the IELTS exam, you can reach me here on the forum or on my website: http://www.passmyielts.com

Jordan

[jennyj]

Thanks so much, Flick, for your feedback. I am so shocked and embarrassed seeing my work full of mistakes. It's about time I would pay more attention on grammar.

I've written this to practice academic writing. Hope I'll get several helpful comments from you all.

'Whether or not someone achieve their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?'
~~~
How to become successful is one of the most concerning issues many people face. Everyone is aware of plenty of elements that would have impacts on goal achievement. Many consider luck as the most vital component to success. However, it should not be taken for granted that all achievements are mainly influenced by luck. This essay will discuss the reasons for that viewpoint.

First of all, considering luck as the major cause of all achievements may have a negative impact on society's perspective of various achievements. It can hardly be denied that when people desire to reach their goals, they definitely make every effort not only in preparation but also in process. However, if people consider that someone’s success mainly depends on their good luck, or their failure is mostly caused by their bad luck, their efforts to reach their goals may be misjudged. Specifically, sometimes whether people achieve their aims or not depends on how much effort they make to avoid being negligent. For instance, even good students may fail a maths exam if they mistake a plus for a minus in an equation, which cannot be considered as bad luck but carelessness.

Some may argue that sometimes luck is the final element for an achievement, especially when everything becomes unpredictable. This may be partly true. However, these unforeseeable issues can be solved or minimized if preparation and examination have been carried out properly. For example, it may be unpredictable when a student who is good at maths mistakes a plus for a minus in an equation, probably being careless in their exam. Nevertheless, if that student pays great attention on checking their work before handing it in, they may find that mistake and correct it, consequently leading to their expected exam result.

In conclusion, although luck may be important in goal achievement, it should not always be considered as the most essential aspect as effort also plays a key role in everyone’s success.

[jennyj]

Hi Jordan

Thank you so much. Your feedback help me a lot. May I ask what score you would give if you were the examiner?

Hi Jenny,

I have provided some feedback to your essay below. Examiners will grade your exam based on these criteria: how well you followed the task, how well the essay flows, how well you use the English language and your range of grammar.

Task Achievement
Your essay makes good points about the effects of effort and luck in relation to success however in some areas you have failed to address whether you agree or disagree with the statement. Be careful to use the entire question in your answer. You have clearly stated the pros and cons of this viewpoint however you have not addressed to what EXTENT you agree with the statement. You can acquire a higher band score by giving your opinion with points in favour or against throughout the essay rather than just in the closing paragraph. You might say "A student may consider himself to be lucky if he is given a maths exam that contains questions he has practiced before, however I would argue that the true reason for the student's success is due to his studies prior to the exam." This example addresses the question, your opinion and discusses the EXTENT of agreement or disagreement. You may find it useful to write down all of the key words in the question before you begin.

Coherence and Cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear point it is making and the arguments are organised logically. You may find it useful to give your essay a tighter structure as sometimes it was difficult to understand whether you agreed or disagreed with the statement. You could use the first paragraph as your introduction, the second for an argument in favour, the third for an argument against the final to summarise your argument. In addition, your point in the second to last paragraph regarding things becoming 'unpredictable' is at times unclear. Try to imagine the examiner reading your assignment. Would he or she know what you meant by 'especially when everything is unpredictable'. If you wish to introduce a concept or idea such as this, be sure to give an example. You might say: "Some might argue that luck is the final element of achievement, especially when the outcome can be unpredictable. An example of this is a poker player who would need skill to win a game but he or she would also need some luck to draw the right cards."A great tip is to read the sentence out loud (of course don't do this in your actual exam!) to see how well it flows. If it doesn't sound smooth when read out loud, it probably won't read very well for the examiner!

Lexical Resource
You use an adequate range of words in your sentences with some complex words such as “unforseeable” and "negligent" and show a great understanding of English spelling. You also have a wide range of connecting terms such as 'In conclusion', 'for instance' and 'specifically'. Continue to use a wide variety of words and to expand and use your wide vocabulary in your essays. A great tip is to read through your essay to look for words that are repeated and to try to use a synonym (a word that means the same thing).

Grammatical Range and Accuracy
You use both simple and complex sentence structures well. You would be able to gain more points by avoiding errors in grammar. Flick has done a great job of highlighting grammatical errors above. One key here is to understand that examiners look at how many error free sentences you write. For example, to get band 7, you need to be able to write “frequent” error free sentences. You may find it simpler to break down your points into two smaller sentences rather than one large sentence to avoid making consistent mistakes.

I hope this is of some help for you. If you require any further assistance with this, or any of the sections of the IELTS exam, you can reach me here on the forum or on my website: http://www.passmyielts.com

Jordan

[FastTrackIELTS]

Hi Jenny,

I would say this essay would achieve around 6.5 as band score. Some examiners of course differ and sometimes students differ. Some students find they score higher on certain questions.

You may find it useful to view the criteria examiners use when grading your paper: http://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sit ... iptors.pdf

Try reading band score 6's description and from this you can view what is required to push you to that next level.

You can also visit my language school's website at http://www.passmyielts.com for further assistance.

We offer tutor feedback and practice exams. You can submit an assignment to us and one of our tutors will review your work and offer personalised tips on how to improve. We also offer tutor consultations bundled in with our course.

If you have any questions then let me know and I'll be more than happy to help.

Good luck with your IELTS exam!

Jordan