Community service program. Please assess. Thanks!

[plin0627]

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There has been a debate that fostering unpaid community service as part of secondary school initiatives is necessary. People claim that there are enormous positive traits brought by such programs. I support this assertion because it will assist young people to become an active and involved learner while the service would improve the wellbeing of everyone in the local community.

The community service helps high school students in numerous ways. Students learn to become the active and involved persons in that they practice on becoming a responsible one while contributing and engaging actively in the community works. The young people could also develop other positive dispositions, for instance, corporation and negotiation skills, when working with diverse cultural backgrounds of individuals. In addition to this, these adults-to-be will be better at problem-solving and acquired independencies as part of their learning journeys.

The community and society are also gaining benefits from high-schoolers who engage in unpaid community service. Such programs are positively supporting and improving the wellbeing of everyone involved. It creates a physically, mentally and socially healthy community when students are neither helping in charity nor improving neighbourhood, especially working with people with additional needs or the disabled ones. These people often require extra care which students could offer. It is, thereby, supporting the government policy in creating and sustaining a socially just world.

In summary, I do agree with those who assert that secondary school programs ought to include free community work in student’s learnings as it improves learners’ developments and skills while forming a healthy society.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, a very good essay. I think that your points could be better developed though. Vocabulary and grammar are good in both range and accuracy. Very good use of connectives and sentence order.

Well done!

David