Pleas review my writing task 2

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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Dzzz
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2016 10:59 am

Pleas review my writing task 2

Post by Dzzz »

Even though doctors all over the world agree that fast food is bad for people’s health, more and more people are eating it. Why are more people eating fast food? What can be done about this problem?

These days, we can surely say that fast food has become one of the major threats to our health.
Although doctors all over the world agree that fast food is bad for people’s health, more and more people are eating it.
Deferent reasons of why people still prefer to eat fast food will be analysed in this essay and a solution on how to solve this problem will be proposed.

Fast food companies are widely present in every big city around the world. It’s believed that one of the main reasons why we eat fast food is the lack of time.
In todays busy city life, people often don’t have enough time to prepare their food at home, our go to a restaurant and wait for the order. Instead they prefer to eat "on-the-go”.
Giving the fact that fast food companies are usually located close to their customers, more and more people prefer to eat fast food during their lunch time.

Other people say that fast food is delicious and cheap. It’s no surprise that fast food companies such as McDonald or BurgerKing use synthetic flowers to make their food taste better.
There are lots of evidence that fast food companies are using low quality products when preparing their food. For example in one of the videos, which can be found on youtube, Jamie Oliver, a well known chef, accused McDonalds of using only 30% of real meat in their Hamburgers while the other 70% where filled with synthetic flowers and soy. Thus it’s no surprise why fast food is cheaper than a restaurant food.

It’s believed that information is the only way to stop people from eating low quality fast food. If government is interested in a healthy nation, it should use different kind of media to promote healthy lifestyle. A good idea might be to launch a campaign on tv, with sport celebrities explaining why it’s bad to eat fast food and how it can affect humans health.
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Re: Pleas review my writing task 2

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

synthetic flowers?

The conclusion is not a personal one, so the question is not actually answered.

You have taken a narrow view of what 'fast food' is, without including other food that may not be so unhealthy. In addition, soy is supposed to be healthy.

Fast food, like BurgerKing, is restaurant food. Just a different kind of restaurant.

Overall, grammar and vocabulary are quite good, but arguments are limited.

All the best,
David
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