Please, evaluate my essay.

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cosminiulian
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 4:40 pm

Please, evaluate my essay.

Post by cosminiulian »

Correct grammar mistakes and tell me what grade you think I can get with this essay.
Thanks

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strenght and weakness. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?

There always were differences between males and females and it will always be, but I disagree with idea that to exclude males or females from certain proffesions because of their gender.
Companies who hire people should not look at their gender, in my view this is not an important thing. This thing should increase equality between genders. In the past was a considerable difference between genders, but now we live in a modern era and we have more equality.
For example, in the past we had more women theacers, or more politicians men. But now we can see numerous females who work in politics, or numerous male theacers.
Another example is that women many times are not hired in jobs like builder or engineer. I don't agree with this thing, I think are women aho can work like builder, even if this job is considered a man job and even if women don't have men strenght.
Another thing that I would like to say, a thing who in over the past years has increased equality between genders is poverty. Many parents leave their children home and they go to work. These parents are forced to be equal because they don't have another way. The good thing is that they earn money, but the disadvantage is that heir children grow up without parents. For they the only solution is to work only a parent.
In conclusion, we should not see many differences between genders as we see nowdays, but in my view there will always be.
FelipedeQueiroz
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2014 9:07 pm

Re: Please, evaluate my essay.

Post by FelipedeQueiroz »

Could someone check my mistakes on my essay? I need some experienced advice from someone. I am looking forward to that.

My essay it is about a table and it says summarize the proportion of the different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999. Write at least 150 words:

table:
Family type Proportion of people from each household type living in poverty
Single aged person 6% (54,000)
Aged couple 4% ( 48,000)
Single, no children 19% (359,000)
Couple, no children 7% (211,000)
Sole parent 21 %( 232,000)
Couple with children 12% (933,000)
all households 11% (1,837,000)

Australian families were living in uncomfortable life in 1999. As in this table demonstrates the difference of type of family. There is a clear correlation between the difference to the families related to the proportion of poverty in Australia in 1999. As it shows 7 sort of family and the three poorest sort of families are, single with no children, sole parent and couple with children and that each of these categories also had by far the largest numerous of people in 1999. Sole parent with the highest percent of living in less financial condition, namely over two hundred thirty thousands peoples in 1999. The single person who has no children hold the second highest rate based on the table, with almost three fifty nine thousand people.
In all different sort of families except aged couple. It can be seen that the higher low_income condition rate. it is interesting that an aged coupled with the lowest percentage of people living in poverty with nearly forty eight thousand its represents four percents in the table. the poverty proportion was the high as in the table shows single aged person namely six percent. Although in the proportion of people from each type of household , health and economic facts crucially involve some differences.
Despite the proportion of household was not approaching equally. Clearly other health or economic factors must be involved. it is therefore interesting to note that in case the number of single aged person was significantly lower than that of couple no children and even single no children, which seems to be a reflection o the fact that in general household.
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