Mr. David, could you pleae check my GT Task 2. And mark it, if possible.

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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Eternal_SSS
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2016 8:35 am

Mr. David, could you pleae check my GT Task 2. And mark it, if possible.

Post by Eternal_SSS »

Question: In mane countries more and more young people are leaving school but unable to find jobs. What are the reasons of youth unemployment? What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among youngsters?

In recent years, it has become increasingly obvious that unemployment is an issue many experts feel strongly about. Especially, unemployment among the youngest part of society. This essay will examine some reasons of the problem and put forward some possible solutions.

There are some possible reasons for youth unemployment. Mainly, it is automation, nowadays a lot of manufacturing processes are done by by special mechanical devices. For instance, two or three decades before plant needed two thousands workers in order to produce cars, however now car-producing factory needs just two hundreds workers due to automation. As result, there is no big demand for man power as it was before. Another reason is unequal growth of population. Some cities are becoming huge metropolises with a number of unemployed while huge areas are still unhabitant. For example, China and East part of Russia, also called Syberia. Most part of Syberia is unhabitant or has very low density of population, at the same time people in China have no enough ground to work on it. Thus, this is one more reason of unemployment.

In order to combat with automation is openning more new plants and factories, therefore it would provide a number of workplaces. Another way to deal with the problem is decreasing work hours per week three or even five times, it would definitely make corporations to hire more employers. An alternative way to manage problem with unequal population is immigration. For example, some countries as Canada and Australia have great immigration programs, which give opportunity to people fro countries with high density of population.

Taking everything into consideration, I am inclient to believe that automation and unequally balanced population are the main reasons of youth unemployment.
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Re: Mr. David, could you pleae check my GT Task 2. And mark it, if possible.

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

Most of your points don't really make sense or are not explained.
1. There is a very good reason that Siberia is largely uninhabited - it's really cold!
2. How are you going to open new factories? (Who is going to pay for this?)
3. Explain how you will decrease working hours.
4. Canada and Australia have unemployment already, so isn't importing people a bad idea?
5. None of these address the issue of YOUTH unemployment!

Overall, these weaknesses, particularly point 6, mean that this essay would receive a low score.

All the best,
David
Eternal_SSS
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2016 8:35 am

Re: Mr. David, could you pleae check my GT Task 2. And mark it, if possible.

Post by Eternal_SSS »

Thanks for you help David. I rewrote this essay, I mentioned another arguments, hope they are more suitable.
Please check them. Thank you in ADVANCE!!!


In recent years, it has become increasingly obvious that unemployment is an issue many experts feel strongly about. Especially, unemployment among the youngest part of society. This essay will examine some reasons of the problem and put forward some possible solutions.

There are several reasons for youth unemployment. The most common two of them are absence of special skills and lack of work experience. Nowadays, youths who leave school and looking for a job, simply cannot go to study in colleges or universities due to some issues. For example, some pupil cannot afford payments for college, or have sick relatives to look after. Therefore, they usually have only some basic skills from school, which are not enough to find a job. Additionally, most companies are looking for young but experienced employers. Majority of managers and senior specialists are reluctant to teach inexperienced worker. For instance, in my country more than 90 percent of job positions require at least one year of experience, even if salary is low and position quite simple one. As result, it is becoming extremely hard to find a first job for youths who just have finished school.

The several steps could be taken to overcome this issue. Authorities and donation organizations can provide special scholarship for poor students to supply them with enough funds to finish college. Banks also can help with this by providing low rate loans specially for students. Another way to handle with problem, is arranging some voluntary work positions, or some training classes for youths. This option could be done by government or corporations. For example, local authority can organize youths to look after old people, or just clean streets. As I mentioned before, some training could be organized to teach children some simple technician work, such as carpenter or plumber. It can be postpaid, children would pay for classes after starting to work.

Taking everything into consideration, I am inclient to believe that lack of experience and professional skills are the main reasons of youth unemployment. What is more, serious attempts to prevent this issue must be made by government and society, otherwise until these problems be solved it is seems likley that it will get worse.
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