David Please assess my wrting need 7+

[Qasim]

Some people argue that it is the responsibility of the parents to teach children about healthy eating habits, whereas others believe that teachers should be responsible for teaching their students how to eat in a healthy way.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Answer
Now a day's, in this epoch unhygienic food is very common and that is the reason why fewer people believe that it is the duty of parents to guide adolescents about healthy life style and eating habits. Although majority contradicts with this statement and they thought its solely the responsibility of school teachers to guide the juvenile about their diet as well. From my perspective, i believe that parents should take the responsibility of diet of a youngster and teachers mainly improve child's character and education.

In my opinion, parents should provide home made food to their children and they should create a environment where children can enjoy their meal at home. In today's society there are lot of food items like chips, chocolates, burgers, pizza and many more which are high in sugar and fat causing health issues in young generation at a rapid rate. Furthermore, this type of food is easily available and at cheap rates, so parents should step forward and provide their young ones tasty food at home.

However, people also believe that it is the responsibility of teachers to educate children to avoid or minimize usage of this type of fast food. Normally in this era both parents are working, so they do not have time to educate their children to take care of their health. In schools teachers have lots of course work to cover and their are normally thirty plus students in the class, therefore it seems to be impossible that teachers ask every student about their eating habits.

In conclusion, i believe that it is the responsibility of parents to manage their time and educate children to eat healthy food. Although parents will suffer the problem in case of any health issue in children, so parents should take the responsibility.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Unhygienic is a very specific word. Junk food, such as fatty or sugary food is not automatically unhygienic. Unhygienic means that the food is dirty or contaminated with (e.g.) bacteria or poisonous chemicals.

I am not saying whether you are wrong or right, but it must be REALLY sad when parents do not have time to take care of their children's health. If it's true, I think we have to question whether these people should be allowed to have children.

You say teachers should take care of education (which includes education about health!) but then change your mind in the conclusion! Why?

Quite a lot of vocabulary is used incorrectly, e.g. contradict, although, adolescents (not all children are teenagers!).

The really weird thing is that all the foods you list are among those I ate most often as a child ... and I didn't get fat or suffer ill-health because of them!

All the best,
David

[Qasim]

Thanks a lot. i am working on my writing hopefully i will improve.