Please kindly assess my writing task 2 - I am targeting for Band 8. THANKS

[jayani]

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work,job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers.?


It is true that majority of people allocate significant time of their adult life for employment .So satisfaction they receive through their job is essential for the wellness of life. There are several factors that affect for the satisfaction of each employee. However for some employees job satisfaction is not realistic due to some valid key reasons.

In terms of factors that influence the job satisfaction, I consider financial incentives and annual bonuses play a vital role. As example Annual salary incentives, performance appraisals as well as paid medical leave. Similarly an ethical working environment can be detrimental to the mental satisfaction of employees. Specially employers ought to assure that each employee is guaranteed with a career progression and enhancement ,subject to their performance indicators. Therefore above factors are indispensable for the satisfaction of employment.

Likewise job satisfaction is not realistic for some workers due to various factors. Because it depends on each organizations type of industry and also company‘s rules regulations and standards. For instance ,an employee to be recognized as an excellent worker each individual ought to improve their talents and skills over time by satisfying the employeer,which is critical under current business context.
Then only top management can take decisions whether this employee is entitled for an increment or not.However such understanding can be developed only through regular performance appraisal discussions as well as meetings. Therefore the probability of job satisfaction for some individuals are not same and realistic.

To conclude, job satisfaction plays a key role throughout an adult’s life time and it’s reliability depends on various factors which are mentioned. Although for some workers job satisfaction is not realistic ,they should try to achieve it in long term employment. Likewise all these personnel issues needs to be well standardized for every organization. It is the ultimate responsibility of HR dept and the process needs to be guided by top management through regular employees’ suggestion reviews.

(320 words)

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Band 8 is a tough score to attain!

Introduction - Good.

First main paragraph - You need to explain the first two sentences, i.e. why? The third sentence makes no sense to me.

Second main paragraph - I understand every word, but it doesn't make sense to me as a whole. I think you need to explain how these points fit together. For example why is it not realistic to have appraisals? These happen in many companies.

Conclusion - If something is not realistic, why try to achieve it?

Overall, I find the essay very confusing, mainly because points are unclear and undeveloped. A very long way to go to band 8!

All the best,
David

[jayani]

Dear David,

THANKS ALOT for your feedback valuable comments.
Il try my best to correct my mistakes and post a new Writing answer .

jayani