PLEASE KINDLY ASSESS MY WRITING TASK 2 - NATURAL RESOURCES

[hollanda]

The world natural resources are consumed at an ever-increased rate. What are the dangers of this situation? What should we do?

It is true that in order to meet the growing demands, people are increasingly exploiting natural resources. Although there are undoubtedly some negative consequences, governments and individuals can take steps to mitigate these potential problems.

As the Earth’s resources are consumed at an alarming speed, several related problems can be anticipated. The main issue is that the overconsumption of natural resources is often accompanied by a range of serious environmental problems. For instance, the manufacturing process of many industries which depend heavily on fossil fuels as the main source of energy produces a vast amount of emissions every year. This is considered as one of the major causes which contribute to air pollution across the whole world. Another problem is that the scarcity of natural resources would be certain to happen due to the increasing usage of humans. This will result in a rise in the prices of those resources. To give an illustration, oil and natural gas which are two of the most demanded resources of people on a daily basis will become exorbitantly expensive. Consequently, the daily demand for these types of energy might become unaffordable for the vast majority of citizens.

However, there are some feasible actions that governments and individuals could take to tackle the problems mentioned above. The key to the first challenge is for governments to promote sustainable development and the use of renewable energy. Instead of fossil fuels, solar power, wind power and nuclear energy should be encouraged in manufacturing in order to reduce industrial emissions. A second measure would be for individuals to use public transport in replacement of private cars. By this, not only can people prevent the price crisis from happening but also contribute to a reduction in the level of exhaust fumes released in the environment.

In conclusion, various measures could be taken to take problems that are certain to arise as the globally natural resources are gradually disappearing.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello again, Hollanda!

First main paragraph - Good, but remember that the lack of fossil fuels has been (incorrectly) predicted many times in the past and that these fuels are currently relatively cheap.

Second main paragraph - Why should we use something that's more expensive (renewable energy)? You don't say how you are going to get people to use public transport.

Overall, a rather simplistic essay. However, grammar is very good and vocabulary, though sometimes not well-used, is also good.

All the best,
David

[hollanda]

Hi David,

Thank you for your comments.
I've been told by a tutor that in each main body, it's perfect to have 2 ideas, following by a sentence for explanation or example. And normally, it's difficult to produce good ideas in just 40 minutes, so instead of struggling for good ideas, it'd be better to use topic vocab and good grammar. Ideas that are related to topic are enough. But as you can see, when I try to adapt my writing following this structure, my essay always seems to be superficial and not fully explained. So, do you have any recommendations? Should I just have 1 idea each?

Regards,