pls mark my essay! thank you ( task 1)

[rairaichan0323]

Your friend asked you to teach his son English. You need to borrow some English books from a teacher. Write a letter to the teacher requesting these materials. In your letter you should share:
-Details about the child.
-What type of books you need
-When and where you are going to teach this child

Dear Mr. Wood,

I am writing to ask for your assistance. I would like to borrow some books which are suitable for teaching three years old small kids.

A friend of mine asked me to teach her three years old boy English and I am planning to teach him phonics. I do not have any experience in tutoring kids’ English. I believe that you have much experience of teaching children English and also you have a lot of teaching phonics materials. I would be grateful if you could borrow some of your books to me.

Next month I will commence to teach her son at my home. If it is possible for you, the end of this month, could I come to your place for collecting those books; therefore, I can be able to make some preparation works for teaching. I would be most appreciative if you could kindly give me some advices and share your experiences with me about teaching kids at home. I have supplied by e-mail address along with my phone number for your convenience. Your assistance in this matter is greatly appreciated.

Yours sincerely,
Jenny Lam

[durai]

lot of grammar mistakes throughout

wrong word choice..
less LR, three years old repeated two times, you wasted 3 words, examiner assume that you writing to fill up the words.

there is task achievement, but could be extended..

overall looks like band 5.5 to 6. but not sure.

if you write sentences without grammatical,mistakes it would take you to 6.