pls mark my essay! thank you

[rairaichan0323]

Some governments say how many children a family can hare in their country. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes.

It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way.

Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.

The past 50 years have seen a significant increase in the population boom problem throughout the world. Throughout history, most of governments can effectively control their birth rate by imposing taxes. Some people would argue that it is necessary and right for the government to control the population by the tax system. In this essay, I would contend that government does not have a right to do it. The reasons for this are twofold.

First of all, all the citizens have a right to determine how many children they want to have. For example, not all the couples would like to have a child or some couples would like to have more than one child. This makes it clear; it is their rights to decide whether they would like to have children or how many children they want to have. It is manifest that if government tries to control the birth rate then it will violate their civil liberties.

In addition to, there are more effective alternative measures to control population boom problem rather than imposing taxes. For instance, the government could educate the citizens about the benefits of family planning through the public educational campaigns. Thus, the citizens can make their own decision according to their situation. It is obvious from this that imposing taxes is not the only methods to control the population.

By way of conclusion, I believe that a progressive society should not violate the citizens’ right and the government should provide more effective and efficiency measures to address the problem. It, therefore, demand the government further consideration.

[allen_zhang]

Some governments say how many children a family can hare in their country. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes.

It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way.

Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.

The past 50 years have seen a significant increase in the population boom problem throughout the world.
[comment]: who have seen? years? it should be:"over the past 50 years, we have seen ..."
[comment]: as a fact, dramatic population growth has only been seen in developing countries in recent years. this is not about language but just about the fact.

Throughout history, most of governments can effectively control their birth rate by imposing taxes.
[comment]:remove "of" before "governments", this is a very common mistake.

Some people would argue that it is necessary and right for the government to control the population by the tax system.
[comment]: I would replace "by the tax system" to "though tax system", "the" should be removed.

In this essay, I would contend that government does not have a right to do it. The reasons for this are twofold.

First of all, all the citizens have a right to determine how many children they want to have.
[comment] "all citizens have the right to ..."
For example, not all the couples would like to have a child or some couples would like to have more than one child.
[comment] confusing.
This makes it clear; it is their rights to decide whether they would like to have children or how many children they want to have.
[comment] what clear ? what the "it" before "clear" refer to? also, I can not draw the conclusion from the statement above.
It is manifest that if government tries to control the birth rate then it will violate their civil liberties.

In addition to, there are more effective alternative measures to control population boom problem rather than imposing taxes. For instance, the government could educate the citizens about the benefits of family planning through the public educational campaigns. Thus, the citizens can make their own decision according to their situation. It is obvious from this that imposing taxes is not the only methods to control the population.

By way of conclusion, I believe that a progressive society should not violate the citizens’ right and the government should provide more effective and efficiency measures to address the problem. It, therefore, demand the government further consideration.

[rairaichan0323]

thank you for allen_zhang !! if i change my example, is it better? thank you!!

First of all, all the citizens have the right to determine how many children they want to have. For example, a democratic and progressive nation would allow and respect their residents' decision as well as it should not deliberately attempt to shape their judgements. This makes it clear; it is their rights to decide whether they would like to have children or how many children they want to have. It is manifest that if government tries to control the birth rate then it will violate their civil liberties.