please assess my ielts writing task 2

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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fasah
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Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2015 9:13 pm

please assess my ielts writing task 2

Post by fasah »

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The most important phase contributing to the basic traits in an individual's life is childhood. It is said that the entire personality of a child is structured in this particular stage. It is then opine by some people that competition at this level must be promoted, while others debate that children taught to co operate will be better as adults. However, the final opinion can be laid after analyzing both statements accordingly.
Firstly, it is believed that a sense of competition urges children to strive for better results and along with that refines their potential and skills. For example, the students securing top positions in the class are irrevocably competitive. Also, the desire to garner maximum appreciation persuade all toppers to shed last drop of their blood. Hence, competitive sprit has a major influence on academic performance and it is the reason people regard it as an utmost necessity.
Conversely, it is advocated that children instructed to work co operatively in groups adopt correct moral values and ethics.for instance, many extra curricular activities such as sports, quiz competitions, stage shows are team based and kids as participants can learn some basic principles of life from them. Infact, the characteristics like respect, sympathy and tolerance acquired through team work will continue to last for whole life. so ,it can be observed that a person brought up with harmonious attitude can never be deprived of success in future.
In summary, competition directs children to achieve the most desired goals in life whereas, co operative attitude moulds person into a dignified moralist. Thus, after complete analysis of both issues it is concluded that co operation is more needed than competition to progress as a noble individual and therefore, children must be trained according to it. Moreover, it is predicted that training kids on this theme will generate a society with minimal imperfections.
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Flick
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Re: please assess my ielts writing task 2

Post by Flick »

fasah wrote:Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The most important phase contributing to the basic traits in an individual's life is childhood. It is said that the entire personality of a child is built during this particular stage. It is believed by some people that competition at this level must be promoted, while others debate that children taught to co-operate will be better as adults. However, the final opinion can be made after analyzing both statements accordingly.

Firstly, it is believed that a sense of competition urges children to strive for better results and also refines their potential and skills. For example, the students securing top positions in class are irrevocably competitive. Also, the desire to garner maximum appreciation persuades all high-achievers to work as hard as they can. Hence, a competitive spirit has a major influence on academic performance and it is the reason people regard it as an utmost necessity.

Conversely, it is advocated that children instructed to work co-operatively in groups adopt positive moral values and ethics. For instance, many extracurricular activities such as sports, quiz competitions, and stage shows are team based and kids as participants can learn some basic principles of life from them. In fact, characteristics like respect, sympathy and tolerance acquired through team work will continue to last for whole life. So, it can be observed that a person brought up with a harmonious attitude can never be deprived of success in future.

In summary, competition directs children to achieve the most desired goals in life whereas a co-operative attitude moulds a person into a dignified moralist. Thus, after complete analysis of both viewpoints, it is concluded that co-operation is more necessary than competition to progress as a noble individual and therefore, children must be trained accordingly. Moreover, it is predicted that training kids on this theme will generate a society with minimal imperfections.
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