Hi All,
Please check my task 1 writing test & let me know area of improvements.
Cambridge IELTS: IELTS 8 Test 1 ; Task1:
A friend has agreed to look after your house & pet while you are on holiday.
Write a letter to your friend. In your letter
1. Give contact details for when you are away
2. Give instruction about how to care for your pet
3. Describe other household duties
Dear Melvin,
Hope you doing well!
I am so grateful to you that you agreed to look after my pet dog & home for 10 days in my absence. While I am out on a holiday, you can call me at +91 9454565610 in case if you are facing problem at my place.
Further, my dog needs a little extra care & tough to handle so bear with him for few days. My pet is very mischievous & runs out of the main door of house very often, hence you need to be careful about it. He mostly eats pedigree for morning; you will find it in the kitchen to the left side. For afternoon & evening he will have food what we eat. In the evening take to jogger’s park he really enjoys being there. On thursday take him to doctor’s clinic for his routine checkup. I had completely forgotten to pay off my electricity bill which is due on 15th March & you can get it from my bedroom’s top shelf. And some of my clothes need to be given for dry cleaning which is in laundry bag in my room. Last one thing is I wanted you to water my plants every alternate day & look after my small garden.
I am once again thankful to you for your help extended & hope to see you soon. I have also planned for a Friday night party so be free for that evening to have a great time together.
With Love,
IELTS writing task 1
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SyntaxFox
- IELTS Instructor
- Posts: 19
- Joined: Thu Feb 20, 2014 1:38 pm
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Re: IELTS writing task 1
Hi swetam, thanks for posting. I’ve read your work, and I have a few tips for you.
Corrections are in red, and comments are in blue.
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A friend has agreed to look after your house & pet while you are on holiday. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter:
1. Give contact details for when you are away
2. Give instruction about how to care for your pet
3. Describe other household duties
Dear Melvin,
Hope you are doing well!
I am so grateful to you for agreeing to look after my pet dog and home (<-- You must always write ‘and’, never just the ‘&’ symbol, in academic work.) for 10 days in my absence. While I am on holiday, (<--It’s incorrect to say ‘out on holiday’.) you can call me at +91 9454565610 if there are any problems. (<-- This didn’t really make sense, so I reworded it.)
My (<-- No need for the word ‘further’. You’d only need it if you were adding to something you already said. You’re actually talking about something different here.) dog needs a little extra care and can be tough to handle, so please (<-- Don’t forget to be polite. Melvin is doing you a favour!) bear with him for a few days. My pet is very mischievous and runs of the main door of the house very often, so (<-- The word ‘hence’ is far too formal.) you need to be careful. (<-- No need for ‘about it’.) He mostly eats Pedigree (<-- This is a brand name, so it needs to be capitalised.) in the morning; you will find it in the kitchen to the left side. For the afternoon and evening he will have whatever food you are eating. (<-- Your sentence didn’t make any sense. I’ve tried to reword it in a similar way, although I’m not sure it’s a good idea to feed a dog human food regularly.) In the evening, please take him to the jogger’s park – he really enjoys being there. On Thursday, (<-- Days must be capitalised.) please take him to doctor’s clinic for his routine check-up.
Also, (<-- I started a new paragraph because this is unrelated to caring for your dog.) I have completely forgotten to pay my (<-- You don’t ‘pay off’ a bill. The expression ‘pay off’ means to bribe someone!) electricity bill, which is due on 15th March. I have left the cheque on my bedroom’s top shelf. Please could you mail it for me? (<-- The way you worded your sentence implied that you wanted Melvin to pay your bill for you, with his own money. I rephrased it to make it clear that you don’t expect him to do that.) Some of my clothes also need to be taken to the dry cleaner. They are in the laundry bag in my room. (<-- Your sentence was quite awkward, so I rephrased it.) One last thing – please could you water my plants every alternate day and look after my small garden? (<-- Melvin is helping you out, so you need to ask nicely, and not assume that he will just do your chores for you.)
I am once again very thankful to you for your help, and I (<-- ‘help extended’ doesn’t make sense.) hope to see you soon. I have also planned a Friday night party, so if you are free for that evening, we could have a great time together. (<-- Don’t tell Melvin what to do! He might not want to go to a party, so telling him that he needs to be free might sound a bit rude to him.)
With love, (<-- No capitalisation needed.)
Swetam (<-- Don’t forget to put your name!)
----
I have some advice for you. Firstly, watch out for ampersands! This ‘&’ symbol must never be used in academic work, even within an informal letter. You always need to write ‘and’.
Secondly, consider the context of the letter you’re writing. In this case, you were writing to a close friend who was going to stay in your house. This is a very kind thing to do, so you need to be very polite. If you need him to take care of your pet or your laundry, you should ask him nicely – with the word ‘please’. You should express how very grateful you are, too. Also, don’t tell him what to do! As I wrote above, it’s impolite to order someone to come to your party.
Finally, watch out for capitalisation. Names of places, people, days / months, and companies should always be capitalised.
Keep practising,
SyntaxFox
Corrections are in red, and comments are in blue.
----
A friend has agreed to look after your house & pet while you are on holiday. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter:
1. Give contact details for when you are away
2. Give instruction about how to care for your pet
3. Describe other household duties
Dear Melvin,
Hope you are doing well!
I am so grateful to you for agreeing to look after my pet dog and home (<-- You must always write ‘and’, never just the ‘&’ symbol, in academic work.) for 10 days in my absence. While I am on holiday, (<--It’s incorrect to say ‘out on holiday’.) you can call me at +91 9454565610 if there are any problems. (<-- This didn’t really make sense, so I reworded it.)
My (<-- No need for the word ‘further’. You’d only need it if you were adding to something you already said. You’re actually talking about something different here.) dog needs a little extra care and can be tough to handle, so please (<-- Don’t forget to be polite. Melvin is doing you a favour!) bear with him for a few days. My pet is very mischievous and runs of the main door of the house very often, so (<-- The word ‘hence’ is far too formal.) you need to be careful. (<-- No need for ‘about it’.) He mostly eats Pedigree (<-- This is a brand name, so it needs to be capitalised.) in the morning; you will find it in the kitchen to the left side. For the afternoon and evening he will have whatever food you are eating. (<-- Your sentence didn’t make any sense. I’ve tried to reword it in a similar way, although I’m not sure it’s a good idea to feed a dog human food regularly.) In the evening, please take him to the jogger’s park – he really enjoys being there. On Thursday, (<-- Days must be capitalised.) please take him to doctor’s clinic for his routine check-up.
Also, (<-- I started a new paragraph because this is unrelated to caring for your dog.) I have completely forgotten to pay my (<-- You don’t ‘pay off’ a bill. The expression ‘pay off’ means to bribe someone!) electricity bill, which is due on 15th March. I have left the cheque on my bedroom’s top shelf. Please could you mail it for me? (<-- The way you worded your sentence implied that you wanted Melvin to pay your bill for you, with his own money. I rephrased it to make it clear that you don’t expect him to do that.) Some of my clothes also need to be taken to the dry cleaner. They are in the laundry bag in my room. (<-- Your sentence was quite awkward, so I rephrased it.) One last thing – please could you water my plants every alternate day and look after my small garden? (<-- Melvin is helping you out, so you need to ask nicely, and not assume that he will just do your chores for you.)
I am once again very thankful to you for your help, and I (<-- ‘help extended’ doesn’t make sense.) hope to see you soon. I have also planned a Friday night party, so if you are free for that evening, we could have a great time together. (<-- Don’t tell Melvin what to do! He might not want to go to a party, so telling him that he needs to be free might sound a bit rude to him.)
With love, (<-- No capitalisation needed.)
Swetam (<-- Don’t forget to put your name!)
----
I have some advice for you. Firstly, watch out for ampersands! This ‘&’ symbol must never be used in academic work, even within an informal letter. You always need to write ‘and’.
Secondly, consider the context of the letter you’re writing. In this case, you were writing to a close friend who was going to stay in your house. This is a very kind thing to do, so you need to be very polite. If you need him to take care of your pet or your laundry, you should ask him nicely – with the word ‘please’. You should express how very grateful you are, too. Also, don’t tell him what to do! As I wrote above, it’s impolite to order someone to come to your party.
Finally, watch out for capitalisation. Names of places, people, days / months, and companies should always be capitalised.
Keep practising,
SyntaxFox