Ielts general Task 2

[rairaichan0323]

Traffic and housing problems in major cities would be solved by moving big companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. Do you agree or disagree?


The past 50 years have seen a considerable increase in traffic and housing issues. But at the meantime, controversy has arisen whether big companies, factories and their employees should be relocated to rural areas. Some people would contend that moving big companies, factories and their employees to the countryside would address the problems of traffic and housing. While there are certainly arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that relocating them would help to resolve those problems.

First of all, it is an indisputable fact that major cities are confronted with overcrowding people. Therefore, relocating people is one of the most effective ways to solving this problem. Also, our resources can be used more efficiently and it can assist to promote the development of the economy of rural areas. Secondly and more importantly, though, rural areas could afford better living environment for employees. Specifically, the renting fees in rural areas are relatively low as well as the houses are bigger than urban areas. Hence, they could be living in a more comfortable living environment.

Admittedly, relocating to rural areas may also have some problems. The reason for this is that it may wreak havoc on the natural resources. Obviously, in order to attract people to relocate to the rural areas, it is necessary for the government to explore some rural areas. This exploration may lead to ecosystem problems. Nonetheless, I would contend that developing countryside will bring undeniable economic prosperity to our country. The benefits of this far outweigh its drawbacks.

By the way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that we should relocate people to rural areas; therefore we can use the resources more effectively. Also, I believe that it seems highly advisable for the government to invest more money in the development of the rural areas.

[durai]

TR : 6
some ideas are not developed in 3rd paragraph, your introduction is clear but topics not discussed with clear examples.

CC: between 5 and 6
improper use of cohesive devices,
some grammar mistakes persists with inappropriate word choice, so,it affects CC.
follow RYAN's model to structure, so it is quite easy to get band 7 for TR and CC even if you are poor in LR and Gr & A.

LR: band 6
rural areas : 6 times
try not to repeat same words, you could have used remote areas, outskirts of city, or use pronoun , these type of areas or these kind of places
some word formations are wrong ; in the meantime, suits well, or at the same time, but not, at the mean time.

GR & A : 6
I see more simple and only couple of complex sentences but some errors exists, majority of sentences should be error free for band 7, however yours not. to get band 7 for GR & A, you may want to write 10 complex sentence patterns if your essay has 15 sentences.

overall looks like band 5.5 to 6.

suggestions : concentrate on grammar , so it impoves word formation and CC , that will move you to 6.5 or 7.

[rairaichan0323]

thank you for advise!!

[rairaichan0323]

would u plse give me comment on my another essay! thank you very much!

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