in the distant future technology will completely replace the teachers in the classroom. do you agree and disagree with this statement.
technology is increasing rapidly in the modern world.the influence of technology can be seen in the classrooms. Despite that , it is disagreed that technology will replace the teachers in the classroom in the foreseeable future. Analyzing the inability of technology to cater to students and to instill motivation in them.
firstly, teachers which are powered by artificial intelligence would not be able to know the needs and requirements of vulnerable student. for example, they would be able to understand the level of slow learner and intelligent student. it would treat every student in a same way which is not right because every student have their own pace to learn. Hence it is proven that robotic technology is not going to be operational in any time coming future.
Secondly, robotic teachers would not be able to motivate , encourage or affirm children the way today's teachers do. it is also natural that people get discouraged and demotivated when they unable to achieve any thing. Then human beings help them to boost up and pursue toward desired goal again. it is also proven that robotic technology can only follow the commands rather then assisting humans in the way humans do. This makes it clear that robotic teachers are not efficient in teaching profession.
To wind up all,robotic teachers do not have enough knacks and lacks few important things like dynamics and emotional sensation which plays indispensable role to be an perfect teacher.
technology is becoming incresingly prevalent in the world .
-
SyntaxFox
- IELTS Instructor
- Posts: 19
- Joined: Thu Feb 20, 2014 1:38 pm
- Location: London, United Kingdom
- Contact:
Re: technology is becoming incresingly prevalent in the worl
Hi birpal, thanks for posting. I’ve read your work, and I have a few tips for you.
Corrections are in red, and comments are in blue.
----
In the distant future technology will completely replace teachers in the classroom. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Technology is increasing rapidly in the modern world. The influence of technology can be seen in many classrooms. (<-- Saying ‘the classrooms’ implies that you’re talking about one specific school, rather than schools in general.) Despite that, I disagree that (<-- This is your opinion, so you need to make that clear.) technology will replace teachers (<-- No need for the word ‘the’ here.) in the classroom in the foreseeable future. I will analyse the inability of technology to cater to students and to instil motivation in them. (<-- This sentence had poor grammar. It didn’t say who would analyse the information.)
Firstly, teachers that are powered by artificial intelligence would not be able to know the needs and requirements of vulnerable students. For example, they would not (<-- You missed out this word, which changed the meaning of the whole sentence!) be able to understand the different levels of slow learners and more intelligent students. (<-- Again, poor grammar here. You used singular words when you needed to use plural ones.) They (<-- You have just been talking about multiple robots, so you need to continue saying ‘they’ rather than ‘it’.) would treat every student in the same way, which is not right because every student has their own pace of learning. Hence, I believe that robotic technology will not be used in schools in the near future. (<-- Once again, poor grammar here meant that your sentence didn’t make any sense. I have reworded it for you.)
Secondly, robotic teachers would not be able to motivate, encourage or affirm children the way today's teachers do. It is also natural that people get discouraged and demotivated when they are unable to achieve anything. But human beings can help them boost their motivation and pursue their desired goal again. (<-- This sentence was missing a few words, so I added them in to improve the flow.) It is also proven that robotic technology can only follow commands (<-- No need for the word ‘the’ here.) rather than assisting humans in the way other humans do. This makes it clear that robotic teachers are not efficient in the teaching profession.
In conclusion, (<-- ‘To wind up all’ doesn’t make any sense. The phrase ‘to wind up’ is correct, but it’s too informal in this context.) robotic teachers lack several (<-- This didn’t make any sense. It’s incorrect to say ‘have enough knacks’. I wouldn’t recommend using it in academic writing either, because it’s too informal.) important things like dynamics and emotional sensitivity (<-- The word ‘sensation’ didn’t make sense here.) which play an indispensable role for teachers. (<-- Again, poor grammar let you down here. Also, it’s incorrect to say ‘an teacher’. It’s ‘a teacher’.)
----
I have some advice for you. Firstly, watch out for capital letters. I noticed that several times, you had started sentences with a lower case letter. This is incorrect. Every time you start a new sentence, the first word needs to be capitalised.
Secondly, I think you need to review English grammar and sentence structure. Several times, your argument was weakened by sentences that didn’t make sense. In other areas, confusion between singular words and plural ones (e.g. fox, foxes) affected the flow of your writing.
Your answer essentially made sense as a whole, presenting a fairly clear argument. But taking into account the many severe grammar mistakes that made it difficult to understand at times, I would grade this demonstration at 4.5.
Keep practising,
SyntaxFox
Corrections are in red, and comments are in blue.
----
In the distant future technology will completely replace teachers in the classroom. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Technology is increasing rapidly in the modern world. The influence of technology can be seen in many classrooms. (<-- Saying ‘the classrooms’ implies that you’re talking about one specific school, rather than schools in general.) Despite that, I disagree that (<-- This is your opinion, so you need to make that clear.) technology will replace teachers (<-- No need for the word ‘the’ here.) in the classroom in the foreseeable future. I will analyse the inability of technology to cater to students and to instil motivation in them. (<-- This sentence had poor grammar. It didn’t say who would analyse the information.)
Firstly, teachers that are powered by artificial intelligence would not be able to know the needs and requirements of vulnerable students. For example, they would not (<-- You missed out this word, which changed the meaning of the whole sentence!) be able to understand the different levels of slow learners and more intelligent students. (<-- Again, poor grammar here. You used singular words when you needed to use plural ones.) They (<-- You have just been talking about multiple robots, so you need to continue saying ‘they’ rather than ‘it’.) would treat every student in the same way, which is not right because every student has their own pace of learning. Hence, I believe that robotic technology will not be used in schools in the near future. (<-- Once again, poor grammar here meant that your sentence didn’t make any sense. I have reworded it for you.)
Secondly, robotic teachers would not be able to motivate, encourage or affirm children the way today's teachers do. It is also natural that people get discouraged and demotivated when they are unable to achieve anything. But human beings can help them boost their motivation and pursue their desired goal again. (<-- This sentence was missing a few words, so I added them in to improve the flow.) It is also proven that robotic technology can only follow commands (<-- No need for the word ‘the’ here.) rather than assisting humans in the way other humans do. This makes it clear that robotic teachers are not efficient in the teaching profession.
In conclusion, (<-- ‘To wind up all’ doesn’t make any sense. The phrase ‘to wind up’ is correct, but it’s too informal in this context.) robotic teachers lack several (<-- This didn’t make any sense. It’s incorrect to say ‘have enough knacks’. I wouldn’t recommend using it in academic writing either, because it’s too informal.) important things like dynamics and emotional sensitivity (<-- The word ‘sensation’ didn’t make sense here.) which play an indispensable role for teachers. (<-- Again, poor grammar let you down here. Also, it’s incorrect to say ‘an teacher’. It’s ‘a teacher’.)
----
I have some advice for you. Firstly, watch out for capital letters. I noticed that several times, you had started sentences with a lower case letter. This is incorrect. Every time you start a new sentence, the first word needs to be capitalised.
Secondly, I think you need to review English grammar and sentence structure. Several times, your argument was weakened by sentences that didn’t make sense. In other areas, confusion between singular words and plural ones (e.g. fox, foxes) affected the flow of your writing.
Your answer essentially made sense as a whole, presenting a fairly clear argument. But taking into account the many severe grammar mistakes that made it difficult to understand at times, I would grade this demonstration at 4.5.
Keep practising,
SyntaxFox