Please give me comment. Thanks a lot!

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pieter harms
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Mar 07, 2014 2:30 pm

Please give me comment. Thanks a lot!

Post by pieter harms »

One of the most pressing problems facing the world today is overpopulation. What
policies do you believe governments should adopt to address the causes and
effects of this problem?




Because the world’s population is still growing it is generally clear that nowadays world encounters a principal problem. The growth causes not only food problems but also environmental issues. Many world leaders argue about the fact if this should be influenced by the government or even with legislation. But the main question is what a government should do to control both the causes of the overpopulation and the consequences of this problem.

First of all, the best way to handle the problem is to prevent the growth. The government should make it a responsibility of the whole community by addressing that one or maximum two children is enough to maintain the population at its level. As a result small families would be trending. A good example of this solution has been introduced in China years ago. Another way to reduce the growth is lowering financial benefits of having more children. Or even introduce a tax for children.

However the growth and its problems are already there. Therefor something should be done with its consequences. One of the major problems is food shortages in certain countries. One of the continents with this problem is Africa. On the other hand there are also continents with overproduction of nutrition like rice and grain. Many countries end up giving this valuable food to their animals. But it would be better that those overproducing countries would offer it for free to those parts of the world who really are in need.

In conclusion, the overpopulation is a serious matter. In my opinion governments should take there responsibility. They should restrain the growth of the population with a birth control program. At the same time they should focus on the consequences which are already there. To resolve food problems, overproducing countries should share nutrition with other countries.
saqibali
Posts: 452
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:56 am

Re: Please give me comment. Thanks a lot!

Post by saqibali »

pieter harms wrote:One of the most pressing problems facing the world today is overpopulation. What
policies do you believe governments should adopt to address the causes and
effects of this problem?




Because the world’s population is still growing it is generally clear that nowadays world encounters a principal problem[why to use "a"]. The growth causes[inappropriate word selection] not only food problems but also environmental issues. Many world leaders argue about the fact if this should be influenced by the government or even with legislation[Though leaders are divided on two most debated solutions; solution lies with government or legislation]. But the main question is what a government should do to control both the causes of the overpopulation and the consequences of this problem.[Government can control the reasons and consequences of overpopulation by introducing and monitoring implementation of legslation]


First of all, the best way to handle the problem is to prevent the growth. The government should make it a responsibility of the whole community by addressing that one or maximum two children is enough to maintain the population at its level[Reasonably, government can introduce and implement a legislation, stricting parents on one child policy]. As a result small families would be trending[the phrase or sentence is awkward]. A good example of this solution has been introduced in China years ago. Another way to reduce the growth is lowering financial benefits of having more children. Or even introduce a tax for children[A bit out of topic].

The rest essay has same repeting problems.

However the growth and its problems are already there. Therefor something should be done with its consequences. One of the major problems is food shortages in certain countries. One of the continents with this problem is Africa. On the other hand there are also continents with overproduction of nutrition like rice and grain. Many countries end up giving this valuable food to their animals. But it would be better that those overproducing countries would offer it for free to those parts of the world who really are in need.

In conclusion, the overpopulation is a serious matter. In my opinion governments should take there responsibility. They should restrain the growth of the population with a birth control program. At the same time they should focus on the consequences which are already there. To resolve food problems, overproducing countries should share nutrition with other countries.

Below are my tips for improvement.

Please read topic and previously written sentence before you write any new sentence, so that you stick to main point.
Revise your sentences many times before you put it on paper.This will help you avoid awkward sentences.
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