One of my first letters, please critique.(need 8)

[terry3218]

Write a letter to a college Principal, where you attended a one day computer course and are unhappy about the way it was conducted. Explain what was the type of the course, what happened and what can be done to make sure this problem never occurs again.

Dear Principal,

I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with the Microsoft Excel course that I recently took at your college. Allow me to elaborate on why I’m so perturbed about the way this course was conducted.

You see, as per the course brochure, the class was supposed to include no more than 5 students. But to my dismay, the class consisted of 20 students. Which caused a great deal of disturbance in the class as the teacher was unable to exercise his authority over such a large group. As a result, I couldn’t imbibe the material that was taught in this course.

My intention in writing this letter is to ask you to allow me to re-sit for this course in the next intake for no extra payment. I have already decided that if I’m not allowed to re-sit for this course without any further charge, I’ll institute legal proceedings to recuperate the fees that I had paid.

Expecting prompt reply.
Sam

[abolik]

... little bit aggressive, but I think yes, it deserves 8

[avijit_05]

Hi,
In my opinion the letter does not address the question part "what can be done to make sure this problem never occurs again"? . If you are allowed to sit in course for free , problem will not get solved, it is still there. Good use of vocab, but i am not sure "You see" is a correct way to write a formal letter to principal.Moreover expecting a prompt reply ? ,. Question is for suggestion not for expecting a reply !!!.
Thx

[terry3218]

Hi,
In my opinion the letter does not address the question part "what can be done to make sure this problem never occurs again"? . If you are allowed to sit in course for free , problem will not get solved, it is still there. Good use of vocab, but i am not sure "You see" is a correct way to write a formal letter to principal.Moreover expecting a prompt reply ? ,. Question is for suggestion not for expecting a reply !!!.
Thx

Nice observations. So what do you recommend? What should I say to make sure that the problem doesn't occur again. I can't think of any suggestions right now. Thanks

[avijit_05]

well in the context which u hv written i feel " strict attendance record should be taken, and people
who who have enrolled in advance should only be allowed to attend the class. No last minute
entry should be allowed, supervisor shd ensure etc " may sound appropriate .

BTW how are when is ur exam and how are you preparing for essay? can u share some tips.
Good luck.

[avijit_05]

Hi
Below is my ans. Pls evaluate.
" Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing this letter to express my dissatisfaction for the recently conducted " Auto CAD design course". This was a hands on experience course conducted by Master Design Institute.

I regret to tell you that the arrangements done for the session was not up to the mark.
For example the Auto CAD software was not installed on the lab computers, the student hand
book was not ready. Moreover, the lab projector and mike was also not working properly.
As this resulted into lot of inconvenience to students, most of them were not satisfied

I would like to suggest to training centre to make all the arrangement in advance.
They can do a set up check at computers before starting the session. Also if possible
they can provide the course booklet during registration process.

I hope if we improve upon the above areas, next session will be hassle free
for students.

Thanks
XYZ

[terry3218]

well in the context which u hv written i feel " strict attendance record should be taken, and people
who who have enrolled in advance should only be allowed to attend the class. No last minute
entry should be allowed, supervisor shd ensure etc " may sound appropriate .

BTW how are when is ur exam and how are you preparing for essay? can u share some tips.
Good luck.

I'm preparing solely from Ryan's YouTube videos and his blog for both essay and letter. I'll probably take ielts towards the back-end of July. And what about you?