General writing - letters

[allen_zhang]

Can anyone help me to grade my letters below? I just wrote them this afternoon.

You have recently bought a toy over the internet. When it was delivered you have found some problems with it. Write a letter to the toy company manager and say
- Give details of the purchase.
- Describe the problem.
- What do you expect the company to do about it?
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to bring to your attention some problems with a toy I bought recently on your online shop, http://www.toytoy.com.
Last Friday, 12th of September, I made an order of a toy car (model number 1212) from your website. Your delivery was quick and it arrived just 2 days later on Sunday. I tried to play with it right after I got it. It worked just fine and I planned to surprise my son after he back from school. However, just a few hours later when I was trying to show it to my son, the remote stopped working! The red led lights on the remote and car were on, but the car did not move at all. I tried to change the batteries, but it still did not work.
Since I have lost my confidence about this model of toy car, rather than any replacement, I would like to return it and hope you will be able to refund me and pay the extra courier fare.
I look forward to receiving your response.

Yours faithfully,
Allen Zhang

Write a letter to a friend in a foreign country who has invited you to their wedding and say:
- Why can’t you attend the wedding?
- Tell them about the gift you are sending.
- Suggest how you can meet after the wedding.
Dear David,
I am so happy to hear that you are going to have your wedding ceremony next Saturday, and thanks for your invitation to your wedding.

I am just feeling so sorry to inform you that I might be unable to attend your wedding. Currently, my company is on the verge of signing a contract with an important client in Beijing and I am part of the team that is being sent to Beijing to negotiate terms and conditions. So, I will be on my trip to Beijing for the coming two weeks and cannot go to your wedding.

Although I cannot attend your wedding, I already have my gift ready for you. It is a set of decorations which I bought from Japan last week. I hope you will like it.

After I back from Beijing I will arrange a family travel to USA, I will visit you then and give you my gift!

Speak soon
Allen
Write a letter to a moving company that you have used to move your furniture and let them know you have a problem with some of the items. In your letter
- Give the details of your delivery.
- Explain what problems you have experienced with the furniture.
- Say what you expect the company to do.

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to claim some damages caused by your employees during the furniture moving service I have ordered from your company yesterday.

Last morning, at 10 am, I asked your company for moving several pieces of furniture from 12th Riverside Road to my new home, 20th High-Tech Park. Your employees packed all my furniture and delivered them quickly. I had trusted your professional service so much and never expected that there would be any damages. Unfortunately, when I unpacked my furniture later yesterday, I found that one of my desks got one of its legs broken and even worse, there were quite a few obvious scars left in the surface of my dining table. This table is my wife’s favorite piece of furniture and it cost us 500 dollars when we bought it!

Since these damages were caused by your company, I hope you will compensate me for all my loss which includes the full price of my desk and the repairing cost of my dining table.

I look forward to receiving your response.

Yours faithfully,
Allen Zhang

[Chi]

Hi Allen Zhang,

Could I please recommend that you make a different threat for each writing so if someone wants to give feedback on a particular writing, they can do that without being confused or causing confusion.

I am not familiar with the general module of Ielts, but I will try to give some comments.
---------------------------------------------------------
Write a letter to a friend in a foreign country who has invited you to their wedding and say:
- Why can’t you attend the wedding?
- Tell them about the gift you are sending.
- Suggest how you can meet after the wedding.

Dear David,

I am so happy to hear that you are going to have your wedding ceremony next Saturday, and thanks for your invitation to your wedding.

(Chi: I would rewrite it as: I am happy that you are getting married next Saturday. Thanks for the invitation and congratulation!
I think it's just common courtesy to congratulate someone on their wedding.)

I am just feeling so sorry to inform you that I might be unable to attend your wedding. Currently, my company is on the verge of signing a contract with an important client in Beijing and I am part of the team that is being sent to Beijing to negotiate terms and conditions. So, I will be on my trip to Beijing for the coming two weeks and cannot go to your wedding.

(Chi: I am so sorry that I won't be able to attend your wedding. - The rest of the paragraph is fine although I think there's some awkwardness. I only corrected the first sentence because the fact that you wont be able to go is quite certain and "might" is not appropriate in this situation)

Although I cannot attend your wedding, I already have my gift ready for you. It is a set of decorations which I bought from Japan last week. I hope you will like it.

After I am back from Beijing I will arrange a family travel to USA, I will visit you then and give you my gift!

Speak soon
Allen

[allen_zhang]

Hi Chi,
Many thanks for your professional comments!
After your correction, The first sentence sounds more natural!

I agree with the "might" and "will" issue.

Best Regards!
Allen

[allen_zhang]

Can anyone grade my writings?
I need 7 for writing, and I hope these letters are at least 7.5. so, I will be able to do it quickly if met the same topics in the real exam.
last time I just got 6 on writing.