could you criticise my beginning essay? (task 2)

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mlkd
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Joined: Thu Jun 04, 2015 11:03 pm

could you criticise my beginning essay? (task 2)

Post by mlkd »

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education?Or is it responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

There is a considerable debate whether rich countries should be responsible to provide their wealth for needy nations via nourishment and educational support,or countries should solve their essential problems by own.It is agreed that wealthy governments should collaborate to aid poorer nations.This will be proven by analyzing why developed countries should be promotive with food and education.

It is an important issue that providing nutritions to poorer countries because,as is known many people from poor governments are starving and even suffering lack of water.Therefore,some problems have been emerging such as unhealthy nutritive habits and epidemic illnesses.If rich countries would share their resources among poorest nations,thus many problems can be prevent remarkably.However,if poorer nations are left them to their own head without any aid or resource sharing,it is possible that people can not struggle by own with such problems as epidemic illnesses or health issues.

Educational aid is second essential issue for poor countries.For instance,education has a strong power to reduce amount of criminal problems.Education help to people in the manner of morality,social rules and psychological wellness.Moreover,people who belong to poor nations may decide on to immigrate to developed countries to reach high quality life standards,therefore rich countries may face to face socioeconomic imbalances in their society.

In conclusion,being supportive by sharing resources among needy countries should be responsibility of wealthy nations.It will make the world more habitable and livable.Furthermore,these aids can be done in a systematic way to be more effective.
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Flick
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Re: could you criticise my beginning essay? (task 2)

Post by Flick »

mlkd wrote:Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education?Or is it responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

There is a considerable debate as to whether rich countries should be responsible for helping needy nations via nourishment and educational support, or countries should solve their essential problems on their own. It is agreed that wealthy governments should collaborate to aid poorer nations. This will be proven by analyzing why developed countries should provide food and education to poorer countries.

It is an important issue that providing nutritions to poorer countries because,as is known many people from poor governments are starving and even suffering lack of water.(<--Reword to: "It is important to provide food to poorer countries because many citizens are starving and suffering from lack of water.") Therefore, some problems have been emerging such as unhealthy eating habits and epidemic illnesses. If rich countries would share their resources with the poorest nations, many problems could be addressed. However, if poorer nations are left to their own devices without any aid or resource sharing, it is possible that people will suffer from epidemic illnesses or health issues.

Educational aid is another essential issue for poor countries. Education has the power to reduce criminal problems. Education teaches people morality, social rules and psychological wellness. Moreover, people who belong to poorer nations may decide on to immigrate to developed countries to have a better quality of life, therefore rich countries may face socioeconomic imbalances in their society.

In conclusion, being supportive by sharing resources among needy countries should be the responsibility of wealthy nations. It will make the world a better place to live for everyone. Furthermore, this aid can be given in a systematic way to be more effective.
mlkd
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Jun 04, 2015 11:03 pm

Re: could you criticise my beginning essay? (task 2)

Post by mlkd »

Flick wrote:
mlkd wrote:Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education?Or is it responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

There is a considerable debate as to whether rich countries should be responsible for helping needy nations via nourishment and educational support, or countries should solve their essential problems on their own. It is agreed that wealthy governments should collaborate to aid poorer nations. This will be proven by analyzing why developed countries should provide food and education to poorer countries.

It is an important issue that providing nutritions to poorer countries because,as is known many people from poor governments are starving and even suffering lack of water.(<--Reword to: "It is important to provide food to poorer countries because many citizens are starving and suffering from lack of water.") Therefore, some problems have been emerging such as unhealthy eating habits and epidemic illnesses. If rich countries would share their resources with the poorest nations, many problems could be addressed. However, if poorer nations are left to their own devices without any aid or resource sharing, it is possible that people will suffer from epidemic illnesses or health issues.

Educational aid is another essential issue for poor countries. Education has the power to reduce criminal problems. Education teaches people morality, social rules and psychological wellness. Moreover, people who belong to poorer nations may decide on to immigrate to developed countries to have a better quality of life, therefore rich countries may face socioeconomic imbalances in their society.

In conclusion, being supportive by sharing resources among needy countries should be the responsibility of wealthy nations. It will make the world a better place to live for everyone. Furthermore, this aid can be given in a systematic way to be more effective.
Thank you! does it get 5.5 ?
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