writing task. Please have a look at it

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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Danibizz
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat May 16, 2015 12:17 am

writing task. Please have a look at it

Post by Danibizz »

The table below shows the percentage of adults aged 16 and over who participated in various activities in the four weeks prior to interview in the united kingdom in 2002
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The most popular activity among both genders is by far walking. 49% of Men and 41% of women participate at the walking activities for an average of 45% of the total population.
The activity with the highest gap between the two categories is cue sports, as billiard. It is indeed the second more popular activity among men who registered a percentage of 19%, but is really low popular in the female population where is limited to 4%. Females has registered instead a high percentage in yoga and keep fit (17%), where the male’s participation is limited at 7%.
Is interesting notice how swimming is an appealing sport for both females(16%) and males(13%).
The less popular activities among females is football who hasn’t registered any participation at all while male hit a low in keep fit/Yoga with a percentage of 7%.
Generally speaking we can say that males are more active than females. The first category indeed participated at at least one activity, while the level of participation among females corresponds at 57%
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Dr.Matthew
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Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2015 12:11 am
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Re: writing task. Please have a look at it

Post by Dr.Matthew »

Dear Danibizz, here's a quick revision:

The table below shows the percentage of adults aged 16 and over who participated in various activities in the four weeks prior to interview in the United kingdom in 2002
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The most popular activity among both genders is by far walking. 49% of Men and 41% of women participate [in] the walking activities for an average of 45% of the total population.
The activity with the highest gap between the two categories is cue sports, [such] as billiard. It is indeed the second more popular activity among men who registered a percentage of 19%, but is really low popular in the female population where [it] is limited to 4%. Females [have]registered instead a high percentage in yoga and keep fit (17%), where the male’s participation is limited at 7%.
[It] is interesting notice how swimming is an appealing sport for both females(16%) and males(13%).
The less popular activities among females is football. [Females according to the table], [did not] register any participation at all while male[s] hit a low in keep fit/Yoga with a percentage of 7%.
Generally speaking[,] we can say that males are more active than females. The first category indeed participated at at least one activity, while the level of participation among females corresponds at 57%[.]
By and large, a fairly good effort, "almost" -- in my opinion -- suggesting a band 7, BUT there are a number of careless errors and some awkward phrases. One piece of specific advice is to try and avoid the use of 'attitude markers' (eg: interesting/ly) in Academic Task 1. These suggest a more rhetorical tone and scientists do not engage in rhetoric....well, they have their own rhetoric of course: the rhetoric of understatement and objectivity!!!! Now, if you found this revision useful I would really appreciate a like or two on my FB page (pls see my signature below) as I am trying to build this up :)
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