Can anyone please leave some comments on my Writing task I?

[blacxx]

( The question is taken from Cambridge IELTS 7, test 1 )

(185 words)

The table demonstrates the percentage of citizen’s expenses on different categories in 5 various countries in 2002.
It is distinct that food, beverages, and tobacco were spent the most in Turkey, compared to the other countries, reaching 32.14%. Following Turkey, Ireland had 28.91% in the category spent by people.

Regarding apparels, including costume and footwear, the numbers in all regions were rather low, as they were all under 10%. Italy, for example, had the biggest number, yet just 9%. In addition, the proportion in Turkey, Spain, and Ireland was almost similar, 6.63%, 6.51%, and 6.43% respectively. Whereas, the least was in Sweden with just below 6% (5.40%).

Entertainment and education contained the least proportion of money spent on the three categories in the question in all 5 countries. Turkey had the highest number (4.35%). And, it was only 1.98% in Spain, which was regarded as the lowest number in this category.

Overall, from most to least, food, beverage’s, and tobacco gained the most popular, followed by apparel and footwear. Lastly, leisure and education obtained the least popularity. The trend was applicable to all 5 countries.

Please evaluate in the band scores and I'm please to hear some comments.

Thank you.

[Dr.Matthew]

The table demonstrates the percentage of citizen’s expenses on different categories

categories of what?

in 5 various

[is 'various' really needed here?

countries in 2002.
It is distinct that food, beverages, and tobacco were spent the most in Turkey, compared to the other countries, reaching 32.14%. Following Turkey, Ireland had 28.91%

in the category spent by people: sorry, just a little awkward here

.

Regarding apparels???, including costume and footwear, the numbers in all regions

were rather low, as they: I think you could delete this phrase

were all under 10%. Italy, for example, had the biggest number, yet just 9%. In addition, the proportion in Turkey, Spain, and Ireland was almost similar, 6.63%, 6.51%, and 6.43% respectively. Whereas, the least was in Sweden with just below 6% (5.40%).

these previous two sentences obtain the appropriate register and directness expected of task 1 writing; pls bear in mind that 'just' is a little casual...'slightly' is a better choice of modifier here

Entertainment and education contained the least proportion of money spent on the three categories in the question in all 5 countries. Turkey had the highest number (4.35%). And, it was only 1.98% in Spain, which was regarded as the lowest number in this category.

Overall, from most to least, food, beverage’s, and tobacco gained the most popular, followed by apparel and footwear. Lastly, leisure and education

obtained: I am not sure if you can obtain the 'least' popularity...not a phrasing one would expect to see in a technical analysis of a table/graph. In other words, would an economist/scientist use this term in his/her expert/professional analysis...probably (most likely!) NOT. So, you shouldn't either

the least popularity. The trend was applicable to all 5 countries.

[blacxx]

I'm appreciate that. Thank you very much