What are the advantages and disadvantages of leaving your country to live or study abroad?
Economically developed countries has prudent education and livelihood. People always seeks high standard of discipline but their lifestyle varies as their culture differs. This makes it a highly contentious topic to discuss pros and cons of this question. In this essay, both sides of this debate will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.
On one hand, many believe that individuals should immigrate to other countries to increase their standard of living and grow oneself academically. For Example, students from Asia, particularly India seeks higher education and better lifestyle in developed countries such as United States and Canada. As a result of this, people from developing countries migrate more towards developed countries. Thus, it is understandable that this point of view has garnered support.
On the other hand, many people support the notion that migrations to other countries leads to eradication of one's culture. For example, to retain their culture and develop economically, countries like UAE develops their education system and other economic sectors. This can be seen by the development of western universities and financial buildings in UAE over past 10 years. Thus, it can be seen clearly that why people prefer to retain their culture instead of living or studying abroad.
The above discussion puts forth several convincing arguments for both sides of this debate. However, in interest of the growth of young people educationally and economically, it is felt that immigration to other countries is beneficial. In doing so, it is hoped that it leads to overall development all over the world.
Please assess my 2nd essay
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harsh_joshi
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Fri Apr 10, 2015 5:53 pm
Please assess my 2nd essay
Last edited by harsh_joshi on Mon Apr 20, 2015 1:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Please assess my essay
Hello Harsh,
I am an IELTS aspirant too. I do not know, if a peer review is permitted on this forum. I am still taking the chance to do so ,hoping that someone corrects my essays and critiques my writing. I have tried to do my best to help.
Thank you for your time,
Regards,
Apbh
Here is my feedback
1) The S-V agreement has to improve. Countries - are , A country is, People seek , A person seeks , Indians are , An Indian is.
2) I wasnt able to comprehend the introduction of the essay.
3) Emigration/ Immigration/ Migration are all different words. Migration is generally used for animals. Immigrates into a country . Emigrates from one country to another. Please check the meanings once for your learning.
Perhaps others could help.
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What are the advantages and disadvantages of leaving your country to live or study abroad?
Economically developed countries has (have) prudent education and livelihood. People always seeks (seek)high standard of discipline but their lifestyle varies as their culture differs. ( I couldn't quite figure the meaning of this sentence ) This makes it a highly contentious topic to discuss pros and cons of this question. In this essay, both sides of this debate will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.
On one hand, many believe that individuals should immigrate to other countries to increase their standard of living and grow oneself academically. For Example, students from Asia, particularly India seeks (seek) higher education and better lifestyle in developed countries such as United States and Canada. As a result of this, people from developing countries migrate more towards developed countries. Thus, it is understandable that this point of view has garnered support.
On the other hand, many people support the notion that migrations to other countries leads to eradication (you could consider erosion. Eradication is more in the sense of wiping out) of one's culture. For example, to retain their culture and develop economically, countries like UAE develops (develop) their education system and other economic sectors. This can be seen by the development of western universities and financial buildings in UAE over(the) past 10 years. Thus, it can be seen clearly that why people prefer to retain their culture instead of living or studying abroad..( The sentence formation is incorrect try- (Thus , it is clear, why some people prefer to stay and to contribute to the growth of their own country. ))
The above discussion puts forth several convincing arguments for both sides of this debate. However, in (the) interest of the growth of young people educationally and economically, it is felt ( I believe) that immigration to other countries is beneficial. In doing so, it is hoped that it leads to overall development all over the world. (Perhaps active voice is preferred over passive voice)
I am an IELTS aspirant too. I do not know, if a peer review is permitted on this forum. I am still taking the chance to do so ,hoping that someone corrects my essays and critiques my writing. I have tried to do my best to help.
Thank you for your time,
Regards,
Apbh
Here is my feedback
1) The S-V agreement has to improve. Countries - are , A country is, People seek , A person seeks , Indians are , An Indian is.
2) I wasnt able to comprehend the introduction of the essay.
3) Emigration/ Immigration/ Migration are all different words. Migration is generally used for animals. Immigrates into a country . Emigrates from one country to another. Please check the meanings once for your learning.
Perhaps others could help.
========================================
What are the advantages and disadvantages of leaving your country to live or study abroad?
Economically developed countries has (have) prudent education and livelihood. People always seeks (seek)high standard of discipline but their lifestyle varies as their culture differs. ( I couldn't quite figure the meaning of this sentence ) This makes it a highly contentious topic to discuss pros and cons of this question. In this essay, both sides of this debate will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.
On one hand, many believe that individuals should immigrate to other countries to increase their standard of living and grow oneself academically. For Example, students from Asia, particularly India seeks (seek) higher education and better lifestyle in developed countries such as United States and Canada. As a result of this, people from developing countries migrate more towards developed countries. Thus, it is understandable that this point of view has garnered support.
On the other hand, many people support the notion that migrations to other countries leads to eradication (you could consider erosion. Eradication is more in the sense of wiping out) of one's culture. For example, to retain their culture and develop economically, countries like UAE develops (develop) their education system and other economic sectors. This can be seen by the development of western universities and financial buildings in UAE over(the) past 10 years. Thus, it can be seen clearly that why people prefer to retain their culture instead of living or studying abroad..( The sentence formation is incorrect try- (Thus , it is clear, why some people prefer to stay and to contribute to the growth of their own country. ))
The above discussion puts forth several convincing arguments for both sides of this debate. However, in (the) interest of the growth of young people educationally and economically, it is felt ( I believe) that immigration to other countries is beneficial. In doing so, it is hoped that it leads to overall development all over the world. (Perhaps active voice is preferred over passive voice)
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harsh_joshi
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Fri Apr 10, 2015 5:53 pm
Re: Please assess my essay
Thank you so much apbh
This was my first essay that i have written for IELTS.
Can you please guide me how to improve all these mistakes ?
If you have any preparation material tell me from where to get it or you can send it to harshjoshi211@gmail.com
I will try to put every day one essay here. If you have pastime then please assess it.
Once again thanks a lot.
This was my first essay that i have written for IELTS.
Can you please guide me how to improve all these mistakes ?
If you have any preparation material tell me from where to get it or you can send it to harshjoshi211@gmail.com
I will try to put every day one essay here. If you have pastime then please assess it.
Once again thanks a lot.
Re: Please assess my essay
Hello Harsh,
This is what worked for me.
1) Grammar plays a very important role in writing better. There is a plethora of material available on the internet. Please do take time to read the fundamentals before you start writing an essay. Form concise and correct sentences first.
2) Lots of good IELTS Band 9 essays are available on the internet. Kindly read those and try to imitate how they write. There is no template that one can follow blindly. One has to make modifications ,think and write.
3) Read the essay topic first, write down some points about the topic, organize and then write.
4) Last, do start reading well written articles,just to give you perspective. Forced reading for a short duration will not work wonders, but may help one with ideas.
Please do seek paid help from IELTS examiners if need be.
Thank you,
Apbh
This is what worked for me.
1) Grammar plays a very important role in writing better. There is a plethora of material available on the internet. Please do take time to read the fundamentals before you start writing an essay. Form concise and correct sentences first.
2) Lots of good IELTS Band 9 essays are available on the internet. Kindly read those and try to imitate how they write. There is no template that one can follow blindly. One has to make modifications ,think and write.
3) Read the essay topic first, write down some points about the topic, organize and then write.
4) Last, do start reading well written articles,just to give you perspective. Forced reading for a short duration will not work wonders, but may help one with ideas.
Please do seek paid help from IELTS examiners if need be.
Thank you,
Apbh
-
harsh_joshi
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Fri Apr 10, 2015 5:53 pm
Somebody please assess my essay
2. In some countries, using the internet in schools is getting more popular. Is this a positive or negative development?
Today, mordern world is solely dependent on the internet. For instance, distantly situated people can communicate to each other, monitoring of machine from a distant head office, communication between people via mobile phones or social networking, collaboration of colleagues from different branches, all these are possible only through the internet. It is agreed that use of internet in schools with applied security measures always contributes to positive improvement. This can be shown by how it deepens students' knowledge and keep students updated with latest technologies.
Firstly, introducing internet in schools provides search facility to students about explained topic in the classroom. For example, Central Board of Secondary Education(CBSE) of India provides desktop computers with internet facility in the study hall to each student allowing them to intensify peculiar topic using Google or Wikipedia. This how students can instantly expand their horizon of distinct topic. This clearly shows endowment of the internet in classrooms is a positive approach.
Secondly, promotions of new technology in the market has always been exposed to the internet. For example, Google AdSense shows different advertisements in numerous websites promoting hardware and software giants like Apple and Microsoft about their latest releases. By clicking on these promotions students can have detailed information on that advertisement which indirectly expose them to new technologies. Thus, introduction of internet to classrooms affects positively.
As the above discussion has shown, how internet plays vital role in students life in this mordern world to sharpen their knowledge and be updated with mordern technologies. It is recommended that to develop students and school in positive direction internet should be provided.
Today, mordern world is solely dependent on the internet. For instance, distantly situated people can communicate to each other, monitoring of machine from a distant head office, communication between people via mobile phones or social networking, collaboration of colleagues from different branches, all these are possible only through the internet. It is agreed that use of internet in schools with applied security measures always contributes to positive improvement. This can be shown by how it deepens students' knowledge and keep students updated with latest technologies.
Firstly, introducing internet in schools provides search facility to students about explained topic in the classroom. For example, Central Board of Secondary Education(CBSE) of India provides desktop computers with internet facility in the study hall to each student allowing them to intensify peculiar topic using Google or Wikipedia. This how students can instantly expand their horizon of distinct topic. This clearly shows endowment of the internet in classrooms is a positive approach.
Secondly, promotions of new technology in the market has always been exposed to the internet. For example, Google AdSense shows different advertisements in numerous websites promoting hardware and software giants like Apple and Microsoft about their latest releases. By clicking on these promotions students can have detailed information on that advertisement which indirectly expose them to new technologies. Thus, introduction of internet to classrooms affects positively.
As the above discussion has shown, how internet plays vital role in students life in this mordern world to sharpen their knowledge and be updated with mordern technologies. It is recommended that to develop students and school in positive direction internet should be provided.