(Task 2) Essay: several jobs

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
Post Reply
KrK
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2015 1:51 pm

(Task 2) Essay: several jobs

Post by KrK »

Although nobody has replied to my previous posts, I keep trying :) Could you correct this essay, please?

These days, people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?


Nowadays, in many cases, people have to make lots of decisions regarding their career. Some people prefer to work in many places and gain life experience, others argue that this is not always optimal. Is it really beneficial to be involved in many occupations or is it better to follow your dream path having only the favourite job? In this essay, both advantages and disadvantages of having many jobs will be reviewed and the author's opinion provided.

I will start by analyzing the advantages of changing career several times during lifetime. One of the greatest benefits of having more than one job is that it is easier to earn money. Generally speaking, many students find an occupation so as to be able to become independent from their parents in terms of money. Although they find some trivial jobs, such as being a cleaner, they can become professional specialists after having finished their studies.

Another major positive is that people are able to focus on their main job and additionally do something else after their work which might be more interesting. In my experience, I used to work as a software developer for an enterprise and read lectures at university. It was beneficial due to fact that I earned enough money and it was exciting to share my knowledge with students.

On the other hand, there are some disadvantages too. One of them being the inability to concentrate on your career goals. For instance, it can be pretty difficult to devote yourself to the work that is the most important to you because either you may not prioritize your jobs or you lack time. Therefore, noteworthy is the fact that it becomes much harder to acquire the required experience.

Another significant drawback of having many jobs is that the life-work balance deteriorates. For example, for many, people feel inferior if they lack qualification in their new occupation. It is quite a frequent situation as it is tough to gain a wide variety of work experience.

In conclusion, the pros and cons of having and switching many jobs were described. In my view, the disadvantages outweigh advantages and it is suggested that people should work in many places only if they need much money or temporarily due to other causes.
saqibali
Posts: 452
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:56 am

Re: (Task 2) Essay: several jobs

Post by saqibali »

The essay can be tuned more precisely to its topic by a second review.
May I suggest you to check Ryan style?
Limited free classes and unlimited best IELTS material at below link
https://www.facebook.com/pages/IELTS-No ... 3123916148
shuvro
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2015 7:16 pm

Re: (Task 2) Essay: several jobs

Post by shuvro »

That is a nice argue mental writing by you karolis. you have written well. But I think you should use synonyms in your writing however this is a quite good essay. Your Grammar is also good. keep writing karolis. it help us too.
Dr.Asba7i
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Mar 10, 2015 7:40 pm

Re: (Task 2) Essay: several jobs

Post by Dr.Asba7i »

KrK wrote:Although nobody has replied to my previous posts, I keep trying :) Could you correct this essay, please?

These days, people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?


Nowadays, in many cases, people have to make lots of decisions regarding their career. Some people prefer to work in many places and gain life experience, others argue that this is not always optimal. Is it really beneficial to be involved in many occupations or is it better to follow your dream path having only the favourite job? (.)In this essay, both advantages and disadvantages of having many jobs will be reviewed and the author's opinion provided. ( I think it's better not to refer to anyone like you say : it's believed or it's going to be discussed with no specific subject)

I ( here again TRY to avoid " I" or " WE" in the essay question ) will start by analyzing the advantages of changing career several times during lifetime.( Background sentence should be general introduction to the paragraph meaning it's general aspect of the idea BUT here you just say I am going to do something which highly NOT RECOMMENDED ) One of the greatest benefits of having more than one job is that it is easier to earn money. Generally speaking, many students find an occupation so as to be able to become independent from their parents in terms of money. Although they find some trivial jobs, such as being a cleaner, they can become professional specialists after having finished their studies.

Another major positive is that people are able to focus on their main job and additionally do something else after their work which might be more interesting. In my experience, I used to work as a software developer for an enterprise and read lectures at university. It was beneficial due to( the) fact that I earned enough money and it was exciting to share my knowledge with( my) students.

On the other hand, there are some disadvantages(,) too. One of them being the inability(being unable to) to concentrate on your career goals. For instance, it can be pretty difficult to devote yourself to the work that is the most important to you because either you may not prioritize your jobs or you lack time. Therefore, noteworthy is the fact that it becomes much harder to acquire the required experience.

Another significant drawback of having many jobs is that the life-work balance deteriorates. For example, for many, people feel inferior if they lack qualification in their new occupation. It is quite a frequent situation as it is tough to gain a wide variety of work experience.

In conclusion, the pros and cons of having and switching many jobs were described. In my view, the disadvantages outweigh advantages and it is suggested that people should work in many places only if they need much money or temporarily due to other causes.

GENERAL COMMENTS :

- I think it's better to use quite short sentences . Precise and clear is always better
- you have a good range of vocabulary
- you need to watch Rayan's videos for writing essay structure, that would be so beneficial for your weak points . I think your weakness is in the structure more than the vocabs and the grammar

THANK YOU
sos1947
Posts: 28
Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2015 5:22 pm

Re: (Task 2) Essay: several jobs

Post by sos1947 »

My 2 cents

I have not seen a question in Introductory paragraph for an academic style writng. I would probably avoid it. The way I would have written the introduction is like this ( again I am also learning not perfected it ...)


Undoubtedly, modern lifestyle demands people to work harder in their jobs. Further, in today's world individuals often take multiple jobs and choose different career streams in their life. The obvious support in favor of multiple jobs is the additional income and the wide spectrum of learning which comes with the different careers. However, the disadvantage is that such people lead a busy and tough lifestyle. Following, this essay will discuss these merits and the demerits in more detail.
Post Reply