Task 2,,Kindly evaluate my essay.

[supriya]

Hi Chi..
I liked your discussion about the grammatical aspects.Could you please evaluate my essay so that I can get a proper idea to present further essays in the coming days.

Thanks and Regards
supriya

[Chi]

Hi Supriya,

Although I don't think I can go through the whole essay, I will try to give some comments.

In today's world, learning a new language is being given a lot of priority.Teaching foreign languages in primary schools embodies this idea perfectly.It is agreed that learning foreign languages at primary schools will be beneficial for their future studies and career. This is because, children's learning skills are more enhanced and they have more time to dedicate to learning a new language. The following points will be analysed below.

I think somehow your sentences read a bit awkward, even though they seem to be alright grammar wise. I think you wanna say with your first sentence: "In today's world, it is very important to know a foreign language." - With a sentence like this, you can elaborate more to make the sentence more complex, such as "In today's world, it is very important to know a foreign language, as it opens up opportunities to connect with people from different countries and cultures."

I don't know how to link to the second sentence, as the question asks you to discuss whether it is primary school or secondary school, I don't think it is a good idea to mention primary school at this stage. And you didn't introduce the debating topic at all but went straight to your thesis. This makes the essay going be "It's good to teach children foreign languages in primary school" rather than "it's better to start in primary school than in secondary school".

Your third sentence is rather awkward, you can write it as: "This is demonstrated by an early start of foreign language programmes not only allows children to dedicate more time to the subject but also helps better develop their learning." I am not sure if I understood what you meant correctly though.

You can just remove the last sentence. But if you wanna keep it, you can just say "These points are going to be discussed in this essay" - but I personally don't think it's necessary.

---I gotta stop now. I hope my correction of the introduction is helpful and I hope that it will give you an idea to rework your body paragraphs. I feel like you have already got a structure, but you need to write more clearly. Pay attention to writing sentences until you are confident with it. Also, when you brain storm, try to pick out strong supporting arguments, and choose strong examples, it will make your essay a lot stronger in task response.

I am going to copy the essay that I wrote on the same topic here, if you want, you can use it as a reference.

Knowing a second language is beneficial, as it opens up opportunities to connect with people from different countries and cultures. In many schools around the world, foreign language has been integrated into the curriculum. However, there is a debate whether children should start learning a foreign language at elementary school or if it would be better to start at secondary school. Some people would argue that forcing children to study at an early age is rather harmful; however, I strongly believe that there are more advantages than disadvantages for children to start learning a foreign language at primary school as it increases the possibility to achieve high levels of fluency and it has positive impact on children’s mental development.

Firstly, children who start learning a second language before their preadolescence are more likely to develop native-like pronunciation and attain high levels of fluency which would be difficult with late start language programs. Studies have revealed that human brains are more open to linguistic development between birth and preadolescence due to the formation of the brain. Children can learn a new language effortlessly during this period. However, people who start a second language after this period have unpredictable attainment and it have to be gained through long and hard traditional learning. Results of these studies clearly show that young children have great advantages in leaning foreign languages and therefore they should start in primary school rather than secondary school.

In addition to this, language learning has an impact on the development of the children’s brain, hence it should be allowed before the brain completes its development. Studies show that human brains complete their development around the age of 8 to 10. Meanwhile, other studies indicate that bilingual children are found to have larger density of “gray matter”, the substance that is responsible for processing information including memory, speech and sensory perception. These studies strongly demonstrate the benefit of learning a second language on the development of young children and consequently it should be taught in primary school.

In conclusion, it is clear that the early start of learning a second language bears great benefits, not only for children’s performance in that particular subject but also for children’s mental development. These advantages by far outweigh the disadvantages. Hopefully parents and schools will let children start learning foreign languages in primary school instead of secondary school.

Written by Chi

Good luck with your studies.

Chi

[supriya]

Thanks alot chi,..
your way of writing essay is commendable,Can you help me out as i am appearing for my exam from china(nantong)Jiangsu.Please can you help me in my writing task???

Thanks and Regards
Supriya