Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both these views and giver your own opinion.
In the present age, teaching children to be good members of society is playing a pivotal role in our society. But at the same time, controversy has arisen whether parents are responsible for teaching children to be useful members of the society. Some people would contend that the parents should guide offspring to be good members of the community while many others would argue that school is the place for children to learn this. These points of view will be discussed in this order.
It is believed by some that upbringing is a significant influence on our children whether they could be a good citizen of our community or not. For example, teenagers frequently imitate their parents behavior both good and bad behaviors. It is argued that the parents have profound influences on their children’s behaviors; therefore, they should take a responsibility to teach their offspring in order to be good members of the society. Thus, it is clear why some people gravitate towards this point of view.
On the other hand, many argue that the school is the place to let the students to learn how to be good members. For instance, the school is a society in miniature. Thus, teachers can teach their pupils the rule and regulation in order to cultivate them to be good members of the community. After analyzing this point of view, it is clear why many support this claim.
By way of conclusion, the issue of the parents is responsible for guding children to be excellent social members is supported and refuted by many. However, after analyzing these two points of view, I personally believe that parents should teach their descendants to be good members of the community. It is highly recommended the parents to be good models for their children.
pls help and give me a band score! thank you
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rairaichan0323
- Posts: 196
- Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 11:03 am
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allen_zhang
- Posts: 362
- Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am
Re: pls help and give me a band score! thank you
Hi there,
I am not going to review your essay because I am also a student, but I managed to write my essay on the same topic.
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and giver your own opinion.
People have different views about who is responsible for the character education of children. While some people believe that it is parents’ obligation to teach their children on how to be good members of society, some others think schools should take the responsibility. From my point of view, both school and parents should play their role in children’s character education.
On the one hand, parents have their inbuilt advantages in helping their children to form good personality traits and moral value, which can help them to be better integrated into society and to become good citizens in their adult lives. This is because parents tend to be the role models of their children and their teaching and education can have an unprecedented influence on the development of the personality of their children. For example, people grow up in a family with adequate love and attentions from their parents are more likely to consider other people and have a correct moral value. On the contrary, those who are neglected or spoilt by their parents are often have behavior and other problems in their later lives.
On the other hand, schools’ role in children’s education is not restricted to academic education and they should also take the responsibility of character education of students. School is a bridge between the family and society for people and children learn their early social experiences from them. Teachers can teach them on basic rules of social life such as submitting to disciplines, respecting teachers as well as helping others and working as a team, all of which can have a significant impact on children’s growth.
To sum up, it seems to me that parents and schools are equally important on teaching children on how to become good members of society by helping them to form correct moral values and good personalities.
I am not going to review your essay because I am also a student, but I managed to write my essay on the same topic.
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and giver your own opinion.
People have different views about who is responsible for the character education of children. While some people believe that it is parents’ obligation to teach their children on how to be good members of society, some others think schools should take the responsibility. From my point of view, both school and parents should play their role in children’s character education.
On the one hand, parents have their inbuilt advantages in helping their children to form good personality traits and moral value, which can help them to be better integrated into society and to become good citizens in their adult lives. This is because parents tend to be the role models of their children and their teaching and education can have an unprecedented influence on the development of the personality of their children. For example, people grow up in a family with adequate love and attentions from their parents are more likely to consider other people and have a correct moral value. On the contrary, those who are neglected or spoilt by their parents are often have behavior and other problems in their later lives.
On the other hand, schools’ role in children’s education is not restricted to academic education and they should also take the responsibility of character education of students. School is a bridge between the family and society for people and children learn their early social experiences from them. Teachers can teach them on basic rules of social life such as submitting to disciplines, respecting teachers as well as helping others and working as a team, all of which can have a significant impact on children’s growth.
To sum up, it seems to me that parents and schools are equally important on teaching children on how to become good members of society by helping them to form correct moral values and good personalities.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
Re: pls help and give me a band score! thank you
In the present age, teaching children to be good members of society is playing a pivotal role in our society. But(, )at the same time, controversy has arisen whether parents or schools are responsible for teaching children to be useful members of the society. Some people would contend that the parents should guide offspring to be good members of the community while many others would argue that school is the place for children to learn this.( you repeated same point twice, consider removing one) These points of view will be discussed |(in this order).( replace with “ before arriving at a satisfactory outcome”,) sounds more academic
It is believed by some that children upbringing is a significant influence on our children whether they could be a good citizen of our community or not.( make topic sentence clear and concise, even if it is short) For example, teenagers frequently imitate their parents behavior both good and bad behaviors. It is argued that the parents have profound influences on their children’s behaviors; therefore, they should take a responsibility to teach their offspring in order to be good members of the society. Thus, it is clear why some people gravitate towards this point of view.
Sample para: On the one hand, many believe that parents should educate children on how to be a law abiding citizens( repeat question and tell reason why )since it is not only fundamental duty but also their responsibility.( here sentences may be long but its not complex) For example, parenthood, who give birth to young ones, are more responsible to prepare them with acceptable attitude to progress for their future and for the society as a whole. Besides, parents have ample opportunities to mould them while considering the time spent by children at home. Thus, it is clear why some people argue that parents need to teach children.
On the other hand, many argue that the school is the place to let the students to learn how to be good members.( you just repeated form introduction, but where is the reason, without giving reason, don’t go for example) For instance, the school is a society in miniature. Thus, teachers can teach their pupils the rule and regulation in order to cultivate them to be good members of the community. After analyzing this point of view, it is clear why many support this claim. ( not enough discussion)
Best way is ( give reason, explain that reason , give example, conclude with thesis statement in other form)
By way of conclusion, the issue of the parents is responsible for guiding children to be excellent social members is supported and refuted by many.( you changed the topic,it has to be parents or school, but you mentioned “children should be supported by parents or not” However, after analyzing these two points of view, I personally believe that parents should teach their descendants to be good members of the community. It is highly recommended (that )the parents to be good (role )models for their children.
TR ; band 5, because 2 nd supporting para is inadequately developed, not full response , no deep discussions about the reason.
CC band 6, due to wrong word choice and grammar mistakes, sometimes I don’t understand what you trying to say
LR : band 6, because some good vocabularies, but some of them inaccurate
GR & A: band 6, because you have used both simple and complex, but errors are frequent.
Overall : band 5.5
If you extend your reasons with example then you may find yourself in band 6 or 6.5
Structure for supporting para:
1st sentence : tell reason why some believe that option.
2nd : extedn the above reason
3rd give example and short explanation
4th : conclude linking with the view point and thesis.
It is believed by some that children upbringing is a significant influence on our children whether they could be a good citizen of our community or not.( make topic sentence clear and concise, even if it is short) For example, teenagers frequently imitate their parents behavior both good and bad behaviors. It is argued that the parents have profound influences on their children’s behaviors; therefore, they should take a responsibility to teach their offspring in order to be good members of the society. Thus, it is clear why some people gravitate towards this point of view.
Sample para: On the one hand, many believe that parents should educate children on how to be a law abiding citizens( repeat question and tell reason why )since it is not only fundamental duty but also their responsibility.( here sentences may be long but its not complex) For example, parenthood, who give birth to young ones, are more responsible to prepare them with acceptable attitude to progress for their future and for the society as a whole. Besides, parents have ample opportunities to mould them while considering the time spent by children at home. Thus, it is clear why some people argue that parents need to teach children.
On the other hand, many argue that the school is the place to let the students to learn how to be good members.( you just repeated form introduction, but where is the reason, without giving reason, don’t go for example) For instance, the school is a society in miniature. Thus, teachers can teach their pupils the rule and regulation in order to cultivate them to be good members of the community. After analyzing this point of view, it is clear why many support this claim. ( not enough discussion)
Best way is ( give reason, explain that reason , give example, conclude with thesis statement in other form)
By way of conclusion, the issue of the parents is responsible for guiding children to be excellent social members is supported and refuted by many.( you changed the topic,it has to be parents or school, but you mentioned “children should be supported by parents or not” However, after analyzing these two points of view, I personally believe that parents should teach their descendants to be good members of the community. It is highly recommended (that )the parents to be good (role )models for their children.
TR ; band 5, because 2 nd supporting para is inadequately developed, not full response , no deep discussions about the reason.
CC band 6, due to wrong word choice and grammar mistakes, sometimes I don’t understand what you trying to say
LR : band 6, because some good vocabularies, but some of them inaccurate
GR & A: band 6, because you have used both simple and complex, but errors are frequent.
Overall : band 5.5
If you extend your reasons with example then you may find yourself in band 6 or 6.5
Structure for supporting para:
1st sentence : tell reason why some believe that option.
2nd : extedn the above reason
3rd give example and short explanation
4th : conclude linking with the view point and thesis.
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
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allen_zhang
- Posts: 362
- Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am
Re: pls help and give me a band score! thank you
Dear Durai,
can you please grade my essay?
can you please grade my essay?
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
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rairaichan0323
- Posts: 196
- Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 11:03 am
Re: pls help and give me a band score! thank you
thank you Durai 
Re: pls help and give me a band score! thank you
hi allen,
I have checked , but it is only my suggestion..
People have different views about who is responsible for the “character education” ( never heard this collocation before) of children. While some people believe that it is parents’ obligation to teach their children on how to be (a)good members of society, some others think (that)schools should take the responsibility. From my point of view, both school(s) and parents ( both word forms should be similar, either school and parent, or schools and parents))should play their role in children’s character education.( check this word form )
On the one hand, parents have their inbuilt advantages( what do you mean by “inbuilt advantage” doesn’t collocates well)this in helping their children to form good personality traits and moral value, which can help them to be better integrated into society and to become good citizens in their adult lives. ( see, here total words for your first sentence is 46 , too.. too.. much, keep the topic sentence every simple, show your vocabulary skills and complex patterns inside the paragraph, if the examiner don’t understand the topic of paragraph, then TR will be graded less) This is because parents tend to be the role models of their children and their teaching and education can have an unprecedented influence on the development of the personality of their children. For example, people grow up in a family with adequate love and attentions from their parents are more likely to consider other people and have a correct moral value. On the contrary, those who are neglected or spoilt by their parents are often (“have behaviour” contradicts , if some have behaviour means they are behaving good)( often misbehave) and other problems in their later lives. ( here in the topic sentence you said parents have some advantages, but I didn’t come across anything while reading)
On the other hand, schools’ role in children’s education is not restricted to academic education and they should also take the responsibility of character education( again check this one) of students. School is a bridge between the family and society for people and children learn their early social experiences from them. Teachers can teach them on basic rules of social life such as (submitting to disciplines( consider reword ), respecting teachers as well as helping others and working as a team, all of which can have a significant impact on children’s growth. ( no central topic in this paragraph)
To sum up, it seems to me that parents and schools are equally important on teaching children on how to become good members of society by helping them to form correct moral values and good personalities.
TR band 5, answer the question is visible but poor structure and ideas not developed.
CC band 5, due to poor word choice and different ideas almost every sentence, no logical flow, readers have to read again to understand, under use of cohesive devices.
LR: band 5 ,word forms and collocations are erroneous in most areas
GR & A band 6, simple and complex structures are attempted, but errors sustain
Overall band 5 to 5.5, could reach 6 if you use simple words than to use complex language.
Suggestions: don’t try complex patterns, try only one clause in a sentence. Give mixture of simple and complex. Keep the ideas clear even it is simple.
Because if you use simple, then examiner understand your points clearly that will help to get more marks for TR, use examples with “if “clause, that will do..
In regards to vocabulary, no need to use some very uncommon words , just don’t repeat the word, that itself shows that you have good LR.
Good luck:
I have checked , but it is only my suggestion..
People have different views about who is responsible for the “character education” ( never heard this collocation before) of children. While some people believe that it is parents’ obligation to teach their children on how to be (a)good members of society, some others think (that)schools should take the responsibility. From my point of view, both school(s) and parents ( both word forms should be similar, either school and parent, or schools and parents))should play their role in children’s character education.( check this word form )
On the one hand, parents have their inbuilt advantages( what do you mean by “inbuilt advantage” doesn’t collocates well)this in helping their children to form good personality traits and moral value, which can help them to be better integrated into society and to become good citizens in their adult lives. ( see, here total words for your first sentence is 46 , too.. too.. much, keep the topic sentence every simple, show your vocabulary skills and complex patterns inside the paragraph, if the examiner don’t understand the topic of paragraph, then TR will be graded less) This is because parents tend to be the role models of their children and their teaching and education can have an unprecedented influence on the development of the personality of their children. For example, people grow up in a family with adequate love and attentions from their parents are more likely to consider other people and have a correct moral value. On the contrary, those who are neglected or spoilt by their parents are often (“have behaviour” contradicts , if some have behaviour means they are behaving good)( often misbehave) and other problems in their later lives. ( here in the topic sentence you said parents have some advantages, but I didn’t come across anything while reading)
On the other hand, schools’ role in children’s education is not restricted to academic education and they should also take the responsibility of character education( again check this one) of students. School is a bridge between the family and society for people and children learn their early social experiences from them. Teachers can teach them on basic rules of social life such as (submitting to disciplines( consider reword ), respecting teachers as well as helping others and working as a team, all of which can have a significant impact on children’s growth. ( no central topic in this paragraph)
To sum up, it seems to me that parents and schools are equally important on teaching children on how to become good members of society by helping them to form correct moral values and good personalities.
TR band 5, answer the question is visible but poor structure and ideas not developed.
CC band 5, due to poor word choice and different ideas almost every sentence, no logical flow, readers have to read again to understand, under use of cohesive devices.
LR: band 5 ,word forms and collocations are erroneous in most areas
GR & A band 6, simple and complex structures are attempted, but errors sustain
Overall band 5 to 5.5, could reach 6 if you use simple words than to use complex language.
Suggestions: don’t try complex patterns, try only one clause in a sentence. Give mixture of simple and complex. Keep the ideas clear even it is simple.
Because if you use simple, then examiner understand your points clearly that will help to get more marks for TR, use examples with “if “clause, that will do..
In regards to vocabulary, no need to use some very uncommon words , just don’t repeat the word, that itself shows that you have good LR.
Good luck:
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
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allen_zhang
- Posts: 362
- Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am
Re: pls help and give me a band score! thank you
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
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allen_zhang
- Posts: 362
- Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am
Re: pls help and give me a band score! thank you
Durai,
Thanks, are you native speaker?
I got more than 7 on other 3 subjects. Writing is killing me....
Thanks, are you native speaker?
I got more than 7 on other 3 subjects. Writing is killing me....
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
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allen_zhang
- Posts: 362
- Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am
Re: pls help and give me a band score! thank you
"Both schools and parents"
Is this grammatically wrong?
http://www.ioe.ac.uk/62517.html
Check this link. I saw some others write in this way.
Is this grammatically wrong?
http://www.ioe.ac.uk/62517.html
Check this link. I saw some others write in this way.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
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rairaichan0323
- Posts: 196
- Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 11:03 am
Re: pls help and give me a band score! thank you
dear Durai,
can check this essay for me. thank you!
http://www.ieltsnetwork.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=914
can check this essay for me. thank you!
http://www.ieltsnetwork.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=914
Re: pls help and give me a band score! thank you
Hi Allen,
"character education " it says umbrella term, means more generalised meaning, it includes everything .Check with Ryan, because I am not native English speaker, but i know how IELTS exam has been assessed. I was a band 6 candidate 2 months ago, but in the one month I studied full-time to attain band 7 and i got it,
my score 8.5; 8; 7; 6.5 now, i a trying for all 8, don't worry we are on the same boat.
the link you sent doesn't sound like an ielts essay. ielts essay is not just only about grammar , it basically how you use the language to communicate effectively what you know in formal writing. i suggest you to keep looking at the band descriptor, then you will come to know.
if you think you are weak in grammar , you can check on:
http://www.grammarly.com
though, this is not free subscription , but you can use free trial for one email id. You need paypal or credit card , still they wont charge for first trial period. once it get closer, then just unsubscribe ,go next email Id.
good luck
"character education " it says umbrella term, means more generalised meaning, it includes everything .Check with Ryan, because I am not native English speaker, but i know how IELTS exam has been assessed. I was a band 6 candidate 2 months ago, but in the one month I studied full-time to attain band 7 and i got it,
my score 8.5; 8; 7; 6.5 now, i a trying for all 8, don't worry we are on the same boat.
the link you sent doesn't sound like an ielts essay. ielts essay is not just only about grammar , it basically how you use the language to communicate effectively what you know in formal writing. i suggest you to keep looking at the band descriptor, then you will come to know.
if you think you are weak in grammar , you can check on:
http://www.grammarly.com
though, this is not free subscription , but you can use free trial for one email id. You need paypal or credit card , still they wont charge for first trial period. once it get closer, then just unsubscribe ,go next email Id.
good luck
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7