To fellow IELTs students and teachers, Please grade my GT 1

[sidneyhua]

You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken.
Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter:
• describe the problems with the equipment
• explain what happen when you phone the shop
• say what you would like the manager to do

Dear sir/madam,

I am writing this letter to complain about your low-quality kettle and express my disappointment at your poor company helpline.

First of all, the stainless steel kettle (Reference No: 0847210) I bought from your company last month on the 28th February is found to be unusable. One problem is that the electrical wire which meant to connect the kettle and the power source were not in the box. Another problem was, this expensive stainless steel kettle have a small leakage between the lid of the kettle and the handle, making unsafe to handle when the water is boiled.

Consequently, I immediately reported these problems through your phone helpline system. I was told that the company would deliver a replacement plus a $100 Christmas gift card to my home address in less than 14 days. Thus I was expected to receive before 14th March. Yet, I am STILL waiting for it.

I am suggesting this letter would help to be seriously considered by your helpline service as well as update and give me information regarding your delivery.

Your Faithfully,

John HART.

[yhjsaber]

I would say you would probably score 6.5, 7 at most here is the modified one

Dear Kmart’s manager,


I am writing to complain about your low-quality kettle and to express my disappointment at your poor after-sale service.

First of all, the stainless steel kettle (Reference No: 0847210) I bought from your shop last month on the 28th February was found to be not functioning as expected. One problem is that the electrical wire which meant to connect the kettle and the power source was missing from the package. More unacceptable is that I found a leaking point between the lid and the handle, which makes the kettle unsafe to use when the water is boiled.

I immediately reported these problems to the custom representative through the custom service line. I was told that the company would compensate me with a replacement and a $100 Christmas gift card which I should expect to receive no more than 14 business days. Therefore, it is expected that I was to receive what your custom representative promised to send before 14th March. However, I have yet to receive it 20 days after I filed the complaint.

I hope that this letter would help draw the seriousness of the low-quality product and the poor custom service to your attention and I am more than happy to express my gratitude if my problem is addressed properly. I look forward to your reply at your earliest convenience

Your Faithfully,

John HART.

[Ryan]

You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken.
Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter:
• describe the problems with the equipment
• explain what happen when you phone the shop
• say what you would like the manager to do

Dear sir/madam,

I am writing this letter to complain about the quality of a kettle I recently purchased from you and the extremely poor customer service I received when I called your helpline.

First of all, the stainless steel kettle (Reference No: 0847210) I bought from your company last month on the 28th February is found to be (<--Remove "found to be".) unusable. One problem is that the electrical wire which meant to connect the kettle and the power source were not in the box. Another problem was, (<--Remove the comma.) this expensive stainless steel kettle has a small leak between the lid of the kettle and the handle, making it unsafe to handle when the water is boiled. (<--I would reorganize these. You state in the opening of the letter that the problem is related to product quality. The defective lid is more in keeping with this declaration than the missing cable. Try something like: "The kettle's lid has a sizable crack, which causes water to escape when boiling. As you can imagine, this defect makes using the kettle dangerous. In addition to this, the detachable plug needed to power the kettle was not in the box when I opened it."

Consequently, (<--Change this to: "Upon discovering these issues, ...") I immediately contacted your phone helpline system. I was told that the company would deliver a replacement plus a $100 Christmas gift card to my home address in less than 14 days, but it has been almost a month and I am still waiting for it.

I am suggesting this letter would help to be seriously considered by your helpline service (<--What does this mean?) as well as update and give me information regarding your delivery. (<--This sentence is very awkward. Try: "As you can imagine, the above has left me with a very negative impression of your products and services, and I'm expecting you to expedite my claim for replacement."

Your faithfully,

John HART. (<--Is there a reason why this is all caps? And why the full stop?)

Hi Sidneyhua,

Your understanding of what the task requires and the structure that you have put forth are fairly good. Grammar needs a bit of polish, but the mistakes in this piece do not cause incoherence (aside from the last sentence).

I feel you are capable of writing at a band 7+ level, but the above demonstration does not show this. The couple of areas of awkward wording, occasional weak vocab choices and inner-sentence disorganization show mixed traits from bands 6 and 7, so I feel 6.5 would be an accurate placement.

Good luck with your studies,
Ryan