Hi All,
Hope everyone is putting good effort to achieve desire ielts score. Request you please review below essay and grade it. Thanks in advance.
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There is an increasing use of few languages in the world, while other languages are decreasing in use. What is the positive and negative development in this scenario? You are required to share the reasons by giving examples, and your personal experience.
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Advances in technology, transport, communication are the key factors in the phenomenon of globalization. Common languages are essential to exchange information between countries and cultures in a friendly manner. This led to wide usage of few languages such as Arabic, Spanish, Chinese and especially English. There are obvious benefits to this, but the cultural ramifications should not be ignored.
Firstly, the use of one major language as a bridge language is desirable because it enhances cross-culture communication. It presents a clear, accessible standard for everyone to follow be it in movies, books, academic, publications or the internet. For example, if i know the Chinese language, i can easily make Chinese friends though online and learn as much as i can from them.
Secondly, if a country to become globally competitive either in business or the labor market, then it is vital for it to understand and utilize the dominant international language. In my part of world, you will not make any progress in career or business without English because software development and corporate communications are mostly conducted in this language. A business might be succeed locally without it, but to grow in the international market will be curtailed.
However, the dwindling usage or even extinction of many minor languages is an unfortunate result of this phenomenon. This happens when less and less people speak their mother tongue because of extremely concentrating on second language. This is unfortunate because language death means loss of cultural identity. For instance, current generation kids in my city do not have basic knowledge on their mother language. In fact, they are not enjoying few festivals which are tied with mother tongue. As as result, they are slowly loosing their tradition and culture.
To sum up, governments should take steps to preserve their native languages and dialects by funding to the learning institutions. Individuals should continue using their mother tongue and take pride in their distinct cultural heritage.
Essay on increasing few languages in the world. Please grade
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BritFriend
- Grammar Checker
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2014 10:01 am
Re: Essay on increasing few languages in the world. Please g
Hello Prathap, thanks for posting. I’ve read through your work, and I have a few comments for you.
Corrections are in red, and comments are in blue.
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There is increasing use of few languages in the world, while other languages are decreasing in use. What is the positive and negative development in this scenario? You are required to share the reasons by giving examples, and your personal experience. (<-- Double check you've copied this title down correctly, since there are some notable grammar errors in it. I'd imagine it was more like 'There is increasing use of some languages in the world, while other languages are decreasing in use. What are the positive and negative developments in this scenario?')
Advances in technology, transport, and communication are some of the key factors in the phenomenon of globalization.(<-- Don't forget there are other factors you haven't listed. Remember to always use 'and' for the final item in a list) Common languages are essential for exchanging information between countries and cultures in a friendly manner.(<-- 'to exchange' is not technically incorrect but it a very clunky way of phrasing this sentence) This has led to the wide usage of a few languages, such as Arabic, Spanish, Chinese and especially English.(<-- Do not forget the articles here as they are important to the sentence structure) There are obvious benefits to this, but the cultural ramifications should not be ignored.
Firstly, the use of one major language as a bridge language is desirable because it enhances cross-culture communications. It presents a clear, accessible standard for everyone to follow, be it in movies, books, academic publications or the internet.(<-- There's no need for a comma between 'academic' and 'publications' here) For example, if I know the Chinese language, I can easily make Chinese friends though the internet and learn as much as I can from them. (<-- 'Online' is an adjective. In this case we need the noun which the adjective is related to, which is 'the internet'. Don't forget 'I' is always capitalised when using it to refer to yourself)
Secondly, if a country to become globally competitive either in business or the labour market, then it is vital for it to understand and utilize the dominant international language.(<-- 'Labor' is an American spelling. In British English it is spelt with a u - 'labour') In my part of the world, you will not make any progress in your career or business without English, because software development and corporate communications are mostly conducted in this language. A business might be succeed locally without it, but it will be difficult to grow in the international market. (<-- I've rephrased this into a simpler sentence which has the same meaning. Try and avoid complex words like 'curtail' when a simpler version works just as well.)
However, the dwindling usage or even extinction of many minor languages is an unfortunate result of this phenomenon. This happens when fewer and fewer people speak their mother tongue because they are concentrating on their second language.('Less and less' is not technically wrong but 'fewer and fewer' is a more proper way of writing. You need to tell us who is concentrating in the last part of the sentence here. 'Extremely' isn't necessary because 'concentrating' already tells us they are very focused on it') This is unfortunate because the loss of a language can lead to the loss of cultural identity.(<-- 'Language death' is quite a clumsy phrase. I've replaced it with 'the loss of a language' which is less over-the-top and flows better. Also remember that this is not a certain outcome, so be sure to use 'can' and 'could') For instance, children in my city often do not have a basic knowledge of their mother tongue. (<-- 'Kids' is a very informal word that has no place in an essay. Use 'children' instead'. There's no need to say 'this generation' because since they are children, we already know which generation they belong to. 'Mother language' is not a common phrase - you are probably thinking of 'mother tongue' which means the same thing)As a result, they are missing festivals related to their mother tongue, and losing their tradition and culture. (<-- I've combined these two sentences into one to make them read better. Note 'losing' instead of 'loosing' and 'their' mother tongue. Remember to always include who you're talking about in the sentence)
To sum up, governments should take steps to preserve their native languages and dialects by funding learning institutions. Individuals should continue using their mother tongue, and take pride in their distinct cultural heritage. (<-- This is a little abrupt for a conclusion. Maybe go into a bit more detail?)
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A few pieces of advice. Remember that it's important to include the article (e.g. 'the', 'a') so that we know what you're referring to. A lot of your sentences don't read smoothly because you're missing these. Try and review your writing structure and perhaps think about going for simpler, easier to articulate sentences. You'll help both yourself and your reader. Your argument is solid and I was still able to understand the meaning behind your writing, but there are still several large grammar and wording mistakes here.
Keep practising!
BritFriend
Corrections are in red, and comments are in blue.
----
There is increasing use of few languages in the world, while other languages are decreasing in use. What is the positive and negative development in this scenario? You are required to share the reasons by giving examples, and your personal experience. (<-- Double check you've copied this title down correctly, since there are some notable grammar errors in it. I'd imagine it was more like 'There is increasing use of some languages in the world, while other languages are decreasing in use. What are the positive and negative developments in this scenario?')
Advances in technology, transport, and communication are some of the key factors in the phenomenon of globalization.(<-- Don't forget there are other factors you haven't listed. Remember to always use 'and' for the final item in a list) Common languages are essential for exchanging information between countries and cultures in a friendly manner.(<-- 'to exchange' is not technically incorrect but it a very clunky way of phrasing this sentence) This has led to the wide usage of a few languages, such as Arabic, Spanish, Chinese and especially English.(<-- Do not forget the articles here as they are important to the sentence structure) There are obvious benefits to this, but the cultural ramifications should not be ignored.
Firstly, the use of one major language as a bridge language is desirable because it enhances cross-culture communications. It presents a clear, accessible standard for everyone to follow, be it in movies, books, academic publications or the internet.(<-- There's no need for a comma between 'academic' and 'publications' here) For example, if I know the Chinese language, I can easily make Chinese friends though the internet and learn as much as I can from them. (<-- 'Online' is an adjective. In this case we need the noun which the adjective is related to, which is 'the internet'. Don't forget 'I' is always capitalised when using it to refer to yourself)
Secondly, if a country to become globally competitive either in business or the labour market, then it is vital for it to understand and utilize the dominant international language.(<-- 'Labor' is an American spelling. In British English it is spelt with a u - 'labour') In my part of the world, you will not make any progress in your career or business without English, because software development and corporate communications are mostly conducted in this language. A business might be succeed locally without it, but it will be difficult to grow in the international market. (<-- I've rephrased this into a simpler sentence which has the same meaning. Try and avoid complex words like 'curtail' when a simpler version works just as well.)
However, the dwindling usage or even extinction of many minor languages is an unfortunate result of this phenomenon. This happens when fewer and fewer people speak their mother tongue because they are concentrating on their second language.('Less and less' is not technically wrong but 'fewer and fewer' is a more proper way of writing. You need to tell us who is concentrating in the last part of the sentence here. 'Extremely' isn't necessary because 'concentrating' already tells us they are very focused on it') This is unfortunate because the loss of a language can lead to the loss of cultural identity.(<-- 'Language death' is quite a clumsy phrase. I've replaced it with 'the loss of a language' which is less over-the-top and flows better. Also remember that this is not a certain outcome, so be sure to use 'can' and 'could') For instance, children in my city often do not have a basic knowledge of their mother tongue. (<-- 'Kids' is a very informal word that has no place in an essay. Use 'children' instead'. There's no need to say 'this generation' because since they are children, we already know which generation they belong to. 'Mother language' is not a common phrase - you are probably thinking of 'mother tongue' which means the same thing)As a result, they are missing festivals related to their mother tongue, and losing their tradition and culture. (<-- I've combined these two sentences into one to make them read better. Note 'losing' instead of 'loosing' and 'their' mother tongue. Remember to always include who you're talking about in the sentence)
To sum up, governments should take steps to preserve their native languages and dialects by funding learning institutions. Individuals should continue using their mother tongue, and take pride in their distinct cultural heritage. (<-- This is a little abrupt for a conclusion. Maybe go into a bit more detail?)
----
A few pieces of advice. Remember that it's important to include the article (e.g. 'the', 'a') so that we know what you're referring to. A lot of your sentences don't read smoothly because you're missing these. Try and review your writing structure and perhaps think about going for simpler, easier to articulate sentences. You'll help both yourself and your reader. Your argument is solid and I was still able to understand the meaning behind your writing, but there are still several large grammar and wording mistakes here.
Keep practising!
BritFriend