Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential.
How could computers be considered a hindrance?
It is undeniable that computers are very useful technological tools in our modern society because computers have many applications in different fields like education, healthcare, business and trade industry. However, some people consider computers more of a hindrance that affects people’s lives. This essay will discuss the negative impacts of computers and how could these be considered a hindrance.
One of the drawbacks of computers is that it could lead to wastage of enormous amount of time and energy. While computers are essential in aiding workers and students, it also diverts their attention to other features computers offer such as games and social networking sites like facebook. It is proven that addiction could arise when people constantly play computer games or routinely use facebook. Furthermore, addiction disrupts people’s work or studying habits that result to poor performance. This clearly shows that improper use of computers wastes enormous amount of time and energy and thus hinder people in performing their tasks.
Another important drawback of computers to consider is that computers replace people’s jobs leading to unemployment. For example, ticket agents are being replaced by automated ticket stands where people can easily get a ticket by simply following a set of instructions. Other examples involve sales people and bank tellers. The increasing popularity of online shopping and online banking is replacing traditional ways of buying consumer goods and handling money. Customers simply register for an online account through the internet using a computer. Through this, customers buy and pay for consumer items via debit or credit accounts online and have their items delivered in their front doors. Also, people are able to check their account balances via a secure online banking or withdraw money conveniently through an ATM machine. These trends do not require customers to go to ticket booths, department stores or banks and as a result fewer personnel are needed for these types of jobs. For this reason, computers are considered more of a hindrance than help.
In conclusion, it is observed that the negative impacts of computers are increasingly becoming evident. It is expected that computers will continue to become more integrated in society and people should not neglect to finds ways to avoid the drawbacks computers give.
essay task 2 - need feedback and possible band score
Re: essay task 2 - need feedback and possible band score
Hi Nathan,
Great work recognizing the nature of the question. Many students would have mistakenly written a discussion essay in response.
Your writing is strong in many areas.
The essay structure is good. You state a clear position and ensure it keeps with the essay question. There is lots of cohesion and several ties back to the central argument of the essay. I would have appreciated seeing an outline sentence in your paragraph to add a little direction, but things seem to move along OK without this.
Your lexical resources are also quite good. There is some awkwardness in areas (although this is often tied to grammar usage), but overall I felt your word and phrase choices were fitting.
Grammar is an area I would like to see polished a bit further. Review plural usage, please. "Computers" in the second sentence should be followed by "they". "...of enormous amount of time" should either be "...of an enormous amount of time" or "...of enormous amounts of time". This error happens in two locations. "...a hindrance than help" should be "...a hindrance than a help". "Internet" is always capitalized.
Your examples are good. I would have appreciated it if you had grouped ticket agents, people in retail and bank tellers and then tied in the points about online shopping. I think this would have allowed you to state everything in a much more succinct manner. Your discussion of the examples is pretty good.
I would gauge this essay at about a band 7. I feel you give a well-rounded response. There are several grammar issues, but these do not hinder the reader's ability to understand what you are saying (although please push yourself to clean up the grammar further).
Good luck.
Great work recognizing the nature of the question. Many students would have mistakenly written a discussion essay in response.
Your writing is strong in many areas.
The essay structure is good. You state a clear position and ensure it keeps with the essay question. There is lots of cohesion and several ties back to the central argument of the essay. I would have appreciated seeing an outline sentence in your paragraph to add a little direction, but things seem to move along OK without this.
Your lexical resources are also quite good. There is some awkwardness in areas (although this is often tied to grammar usage), but overall I felt your word and phrase choices were fitting.
Grammar is an area I would like to see polished a bit further. Review plural usage, please. "Computers" in the second sentence should be followed by "they". "...of enormous amount of time" should either be "...of an enormous amount of time" or "...of enormous amounts of time". This error happens in two locations. "...a hindrance than help" should be "...a hindrance than a help". "Internet" is always capitalized.
Your examples are good. I would have appreciated it if you had grouped ticket agents, people in retail and bank tellers and then tied in the points about online shopping. I think this would have allowed you to state everything in a much more succinct manner. Your discussion of the examples is pretty good.
I would gauge this essay at about a band 7. I feel you give a well-rounded response. There are several grammar issues, but these do not hinder the reader's ability to understand what you are saying (although please push yourself to clean up the grammar further).
Good luck.
Re: essay task 2 - need feedback and possible band score
Hi ryan,
Thank you very much for your positive comments. I feel glad to see a band 7 score from you. I will surely take note of the grammar issues in my essay..
Thank you very much for your positive comments. I feel glad to see a band 7 score from you. I will surely take note of the grammar issues in my essay..