Modern technology - Task 2

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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Dutchgirl
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Feb 23, 2014 11:09 pm

Modern technology - Task 2

Post by Dutchgirl »

Can someone please grade and give some comments on my task 2 essay-thing? I am wondering if I should have written it from a more personal point of view..
I thought the question was pretty vague as well, since it didn't define society... Should you in that case define it yourself or argument that you can't really make such a bold statement about (seemingly) the world as a whole?
Thank you kindly. :)

Present a written argument or case to an educated non-specialist audience on the following topic:

Modern technology is transforming the way we work and is of benefit to all of society.

You should write at least 250 words.

You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience to support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.


It is safe to say that modern technological developments are affecting both the private and the professional lives of people all across the planet. The time I spent living in Guinea-Bissau, for example, has taught me that technological development happens – and is actively being sought after – in the remotest of places. Nearly everyone I met in the country (which ranks as one of the lowest on the Human Development Index) by the end of 2013 carried a mobile phone with them, something which had seemed almost unthinkable as little as three years ago.

Although present-day technological advancements, like most developments in this world, can certainly have their drawbacks for certain groups within a specific society – which is for example the case when we look at the extraction of minerals from already vulnerable natural and social environments for the fabrication of smartphones – its effects for the larger part are of a more positive nature. Communication efficiency has increased drastically since the introduction of e-mail and mobile phones. We can connect to our work in mere seconds when needed. And even the consequences of human activities in for example natural areas can nowadays be analyzed with significant ease and precision through the use of satellite imagery, and predictions for the future can be made on account of this knowledge, allowing us to for example allocate companies to specific regions to protect others. Furthermore modern technology has contributed to the increase of safety in as well as outside the workplace and an ever-continuing stream of innovations in the medical world has improved the general well-being of people all over the world.

Current technological developments have, in short, become an essential influence in all parts of our lives, even if we may not always be aware of it. Technological advancements have made our lives easier, more efficient and even longer. And although these developments do come at a cost in some of the cases and possible solutions to reduce these side-effects definitely need to be explored, the positive contribution they have recently made to a fair share of our world’s inhabitants can not be denied.
njty32
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Mar 05, 2014 6:26 am

Re: Modern technology - Task 2

Post by njty32 »

Hi,
First, I think you can add one more paragraph and some live and specific examples to support your idea, which will help you to fully develop your thesis.
Second, I suggest you to use short, clear, simple sentence to express your topic sentence.
Moreover, this question is asking you to support the idea that modern tech is beneficial, so you do not have to mention the drawbacks in the second paragraph, otherwise your standpoint will be weakened.

good luck.
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