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Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
Ghazal
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2014 3:09 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by Ghazal » Mon Nov 03, 2014 3:17 pm

Hi every one,
Here's my essay. Can anyone help me improve it? Any guess about its score?

Numerous conditions play role in selecting an appropriate place to grow up a child. Some features such as better facilities are available in big cities, while some others such as clean air and safe environment exist in small towns.

Living in big cities may have several advantages for bringing up a child. Firstly, there exists a wider range of public and private schools with different educational approaches in big cities. Consequently, one can choose among many alternatives. Secondly, entertainment facilities like toy stores, amusement parks, cinemas, theaters, concerts, sport clubs, etc. are within easy reach in big cities. Finally, medical and healthcare services are of higher quality in big cities. By considering the above reasons, it’s easier to bring up a child in bigger cities.

On the other hand, small towns benefit from cleaner air and environment and that would provide children with healthier environment and would decrease the risks of some diseases. Moreover, the rate of committing crimes is much less in comparison to big cities. Therefore, small towns are safer places to grow up a child. Furthermore, children have to create their own fun. As a result children come up with creative ideas to play games in groups such as hide and seek or hopscotch which are some examples of traditional outdoor games and learn sociability skills in interactions with their peers.

In conclusion, big cities and small towns both offer their own advantages and disadvantages for raising children; and one can decide between them based on his preferences and priorities.

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

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mmg21
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2014 11:13 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by mmg21 » Fri Nov 14, 2014 11:26 am

Hi.. i am going to take ielts on 6th dec,,, Ryan, can you please check my essay and score it...i need to know where i stand and what are my short-comings... in which fields i require improvement..
Some people think that rich countries should help the poor ones by giving them money while others believe that some other efficient forms of international aid are also available for the aid.

What is your opinion ? Explain with reasoning.

__________________________________________________________________
In the modern era, most of the developing countries have to look towards the developed countries for aid and to fulfill their economic needs. Rich countries can do this by funding the poor ones or it can be done in some other ways, which will be discussed in detail in coming paragraphs of the essay.
Firstly, developed countries can offer scholarships for the students coming from the poor countries, so that in the future, they can help their countries themselves. Secondly, economically stable and grooming countries can offer jobs for the citizens of countries with a struggling economy. This can be done in several ways, e.g. specific visas categories can be launched for highly skilled professionals for different projects, and for unskilled people - according to the need of manpower. Thirdly, countries with more organized health care systems can send their health professionals; including medical and paramedics. Either these professionals can do much good for the people on their own or they can train their counterparts in the developing countries, which will have long-term effects. Medicines can also be donated or sold at cheaper rates, as a part of international-aid to the countries who are unable to build their own resources. So, there are multiple options available for rich countries intending to help a needy one.
On the other hand, some people think that rich countries should give funds to help the poor country(s).This can be effective if all the amount is utilized in a properly organized manner. But, as the most of developing countries have high corruption rates in almost all of their departments, it is very difficult to expect a corruption free usage of the granted aid.
After analyzing all the examples, it can be concluded that there are many of the options are available as a part of international-aid. In my opinion big powers of the world should consider all the discussed options rather than handing over the cash and credit to the leaders of developing countries.

irmak
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2015 10:39 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by irmak » Wed Jan 14, 2015 1:03 pm

Would you please assess my eassy?

The topic is some some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others,however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and motivation for commiting it, should always be taken into account when deciding on punishment.

Nowadays, crime rate is getting higher day by day. The most of crimes are comitted by people who are just released from court because of the indicating good motivation and proper language. However, the some people think that punishments should be fixed.

In each crime,people, circumstances and the intentions are different. Some crimes are comitted with extreme desire and some of them are comitted without any bad intention. Giving the same punishment to the suspects in the second case becomes injustice. For example, according to the this , a terrorist and a woman who just wanted to protect herself from her bad husband's violence, will take the same punishment because of the attempting the murder. In this point, is this verdict right? I do not agree this idea.

On the other hand, criminals are good at acting than any actor on the world. After committing crime, they can persuade the jury and judge to believe that it was a mistake and it occured without any bad intention. Furthermore, they do this with proper language. In this point, jury and judge remain under the speech of criminal and jusge gives less punishment than ordinary ones. When the punishment finished, criminals go back their business and complete their mission which was not done previous time and this causes heavier casulities.


In conclusion, different suspects should not take same punishment. Justice must be applied in right way and the jury should not be let under effect of criminal. Judgement should be proceed by professional personality experts.

Cheers :D

pheyferdiana
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 4:29 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by pheyferdiana » Mon Feb 02, 2015 4:39 pm

Hii..

I am Phey, i need your help to give my suggestions on my writing.

question:
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.

Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Answer:
Basically, the pupils start to learn foreign languages at secondary school. However, in globalization era, it is believed to be better introducing them in earlier stages by some educationalists. Furthermore, when it comes to measure its difference, views differ greatly.

The convincing argument in its favour is that young people generally are able to learn languages easier than teenagers because of the fresh of stimulation in their brains. It means that they have an appropriate time to pick up another language as soon as possible. Moreover, nowadays, several languages have been an international language where those have been used by the majority of people in the whole world such as Mandarin, English and Hindi. Afterwards, children are able to generate the opportunity by communicating in the languages.

On the other hand, there will have some disadvantages learning a foreign language at the first step of their school. First of all, the primary teachers may not have the necessary language skills that are able to help their student as the standard of language. Furthermore, there will be a diversity of skills which the secondary school should conduct for standardizing their abilities. However, these issues can be fixed by the regulation from government which would have been made.

By and large, young people is very advised to study other languages at the early stage in primary school because of the velocity of children’s ability to enlarge the knowledge especially on languages, even though there will be a variety of skills each individual but it is still able to be coped by government.

Thank for giving me some advises.

safoora
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2015 6:55 am

Re: Would you please correct it?

Post by safoora » Tue Feb 17, 2015 6:31 am

Environmental pollution is a serious issue and it is important to take steps on an individuals level to reduce it.But now, since it is becoming an international issue, it is time to take environmental protection to a higher level.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Without a doubt, many personal considerations have been taken into action to reduce the environmental pollution level.However, due to the fact that environmental pollution rises to a global level,improvement of defeating methods is required.i totally support this statement and in the following paragraphs I am going to describe my points of view.

Nowadays, the amount of environmental pollution is too high to be overcomed just by people.For example, sometimes in Tehran the level of air pollution rises to its highest degree.In this situation people cannot clean the air because its beyond their abilities.They just should stay at home to take care of themselves.Thus, more serious preventive acts should be st to avoid environmental pollution.

many people because of their own advantages may not act morally to protect the environment.for instance,in Iran many factories drop their wastes into the rivers or seas. instead of destroying them in scientific ways.by doing this the may cut their costs in order to earn more profits. This happen because not all the people care about their environment .So ,strict rules should be set to force people respecting the environment as well as not allowing them to damage their surroundings.

Finally, sometimes the level of environmental pollution is so high that individuals cannot handle it personally.Moreover, some people may take environment for granted and do not pay enough attention to it.hence, the protection level should be improved to a higher one.This may help the reduction of environmental pollution.

jyoti
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:41 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by jyoti » Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:46 pm

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.

Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.

People enjoy watching sports .Sports play important role in the fields of entertainment. Many top athletes are admired throughout their countries and have big fan following. Many people argue that professional athletes make good role models for young people, however, this is refuted by others.These arguments will be analyzed prior to coming to a reasoned conclusion.
Today, it is felt by many people that athletes make role models for young generation and inspired them with their work. Many children like famous professional athletes and want to become like them. This is apparent that many young generation like sport which is good for their health and sports teach many valuable lesson like discipline, teamwork and goal setting. For example, many top professional athletes set an example of great role model for many children in India. Professional athletes demonstrate the importance of hard work in achieving goal and practising regularly to be good at something. This example clearly shows that how professional athletes plays an important part in young generation’s life and make role model for them. Thus, It is easy to see why this argument garnered a lot of support.
On the other hand, it is refuted by others that athletes are not always role models. There are many professional athletes once they reach the level of fame, they are attracted by media attention and large financial benefits and ready to take bribe for sports fixing. For instance,There are many professional athletes who fall for money and cheated on their country. Many children think that fame and money plays an important role in sports because of that children do not learn the valuable attributes of sports . This example shows that how many athletes mislead the young generation. Thus, it is disagreed by many people that professional athletes are always roel models.

After analyzing these two points of views, it is felt that professional athletes plays an important role in young generation’s life. In years to come, professional athelets become a role model for every child if they play well and focus and show positive aspects of playing sports.

jyoti
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:41 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by jyoti » Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:56 pm

Hi every one,
Here's my essay. Can anyone help me improve it? Any guess about its score?

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.

Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.

People enjoy watching sports .Sports play important role in the fields of entertainment. Many top athletes are admired throughout their countries and have big fan following. Many people argue that professional athletes make good role models for young people, however, this is refuted by others.These arguments will be analyzed prior to coming to a reasoned conclusion.
Today, it is felt by many people that athletes make role models for young generation and inspired them with their work. Many children like famous professional athletes and want to become like them. This is apparent that many young generation like sport which is good for their health and sports teach many valuable lesson like discipline, teamwork and goal setting. For example, many top professional athletes set an example of great role model for many children in India. Professional athletes demonstrate the importance of hard work in achieving goal and practising regularly to be good at something. This example clearly shows that how professional athletes plays an important part in young generation’s life and make role model for them. Thus, It is easy to see why this argument garnered a lot of support.
On the other hand, it is refuted by others that athletes are not always role models. There are many professional athletes once they reach the level of fame, they are attracted by media attention and large financial benefits and ready to take bribe for sports fixing. For instance,There are many professional athletes who fall for money and cheated on their country. Many children think that fame and money plays an important role in sports because of that children do not learn the valuable attributes of sports . This example shows that how many athletes mislead the young generation. Thus, it is disagreed by many people that professional athletes are always roel models.

After analyzing these two points of views, it is felt that professional athletes plays an important role in young generation’s life. In years to come, professional athelets become a role model for every child if they play well and focus and show positive aspects of playing sports.

ielts_barry
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2015 11:31 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by ielts_barry » Fri Feb 27, 2015 11:46 am

Please critic my ielts task 2 essay. Thanks

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

Child obesity is one alarming issue that every country is facing these days. Clearly, this particular health problem has been long linked to more serious complications. To control such epidemic, people must be educated on ways it occurs and how to overcome it.

To begin, one reason why obesity is becoming more and more common in children is their unsupervised eating habits. Such instance can be observed at school cafeterias where a lot of junk foods are being sold. Children at schools, without their parents to guide them, might be tempted to eat these junk foods uncontrollably. Another cause of child obesity is the lack of knowledge on health and wellness. Some parents who cannot afford to send their children to schools, where health education is being taught, is one reason of such dilemma. Apparently, they have no one who can teach them how to lead a healthy lifestyle.

In order to prevent and overcome obesity in children, people must come up with vital solutions. Schools should reinforce the importance of good health by offering more nutritious food at cafeterias. If not possible to completely eliminate, junk foods should only be sold in controllable amounts. This way, children will be exposed to more healthful choices. Meanwhile, those less privileged children can still be educated about wellness. With the help of the government, there must be programs that focus on such issue. Health- related projects like Health Education will encourage verbalization of concerns and questions to help them acquire more knowledge.

To conclude, obesity among children has become a worldwide phenomenon. Although it is becoming more and more prevalent due to a number of reasons, a joined effort of parents, schools, and the government can be done to make the world a healthier place to live in for children.

meridithbream
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2015 5:59 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by meridithbream » Mon Mar 02, 2015 6:01 am

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tudureandavid
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2015 7:44 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by tudureandavid » Sun Mar 08, 2015 12:00 pm

Hello everyone , i would like to share with you my academic writing task 2 , and if there is somebody to correct it i would appriciate it a lot.
The question task is : Excessive traffic has made cities unpleasant places to live and work in.For this reason,private cars should be completly banned from city centers
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Nowadays, many people believe that cities have changed their aspect due to extreme traffic. This has caused the creation of an unsupportable atmosphere to live or even work in. For this to be solved, private cars must be interdicted in city centers. Nonetheless I somewhat disagree with this statement.

The main reason I agree with the statement is because of the emitted exhaust gases of cars which represents a problem for an urban environment.Also a high level of pollution can disturb the daily people's behavior.Firstly, a major contribution on deterioring the air it's done by CO2.Not only that damage our city's atmospher and creates a dense fog,as in the case of many chinese cities but also affect the whole ozone layer.Secondly,our healthy it's putted in danger, as a result ,people find it difficult to manage with this lifestyle.

However, the reason why I disagree with the statement is because if men would ban private cars from city centers,then they will face difficulties in transportation.Despite of all the fresh air they may get,citizens will need to let their cars away from the city and then coming back to town would require special transportation.Similarly, the big distances between one place and another which a man would be forced to travel on foot would become too much exhausting.

To sum up ,I somewhat agree that cars are doing real damage to our city environment.Nonetheless,I believe that although the cars are harmful for our lives , it would not be an efficient thing to forbid them in city centers.

250 words . Any opinion is well welcome.

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