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dearjohn
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 12:12 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by dearjohn » Thu Aug 07, 2014 2:52 pm

I need a feedback on this essay. PLEASE 8-)

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.


Obesity among children is indeed becoming more common. This condition could negatively impact the young population especially with regards to their health. Many factors could be considered as a cause of this serious issue and efforts done at home and by the government should be shed to address this.

To begin with, obesity in children can be due to their exposure to junk foods in almost all places including schools. Foods such as candies, salty crackers and curls which contains inadequate nutritional value are omnipresent and are usually cheaply sold. As a result, children are tempted to consume these products in large amount as these foods are often appealing to children's tongue. To counteract this cause, the government can implement a law restricting vendors to sell junk foods at school or require food manufacturers to produce nutritious food products. For instance, in the Philippines, junk foods are banned at school and only foods with high nutritional value are allowed to be sold. Moreover, all junk foods are fortified with Vitamin A and other essential vitamins and minerals here in the country.

Furthermore, overweight parents produce overweight children. Children ought to imitate what they commonly observe. In the case of parents who has rather unhealthy lifestyle, their children may eventually adopt this way of living. This could happen as family shares same type of foods and daily routines. In connection to this, change should always start at home. Promoting healthy living is best amplified if parents act as an example. There are enjoyable activities that family could participate in, such as group exercise. Eating healthy food is also important. Parents should serve nutritious foods like vegetable but making it palatable and creative to tickle the interest of the young family members. Also, avoiding foods that are high in fat and sugar can be helpful.

In conclusion, obesity in children as we know can be blamed to the environment they are exposed to. Reasonable changes made by the government and more importantly by parents may decrease the incidence of this alarming health fact.

econoth
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2014 2:35 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by econoth » Fri Aug 29, 2014 9:53 am

Hi
I came across this blog few weeks before my IELTs test.Now, when I have received my result, I am here again. I got overall 7.5, but i need atleast 7 in academic writing as well.
L 9.0, R 7.0 S 7.5 W 6.5
This was my first attempt.When I see how many people have been struggling to cross this '0.5' hurdle, I thank to God and ask for courage and consistency to achieve atleast 7 in academic writing. So I hope Riyan's blog will stay there , helping me to remain consistent and motivated.
In general what I feel about IELTs writing is that you really need to be quick to get a nicely drafted 'final' answer.On the other hand while being in university I can spend more hours to draft to trim the text till get final version that can give me good enough level of satisfaction that atleast I did my best.
Thanks & Regards
Thanks & Regards

saqibali
Posts: 418
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:56 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by saqibali » Mon Sep 01, 2014 5:56 pm

Agree
Limited free classes and unlimited best IELTS material at below link
https://www.facebook.com/pages/IELTS-No ... 3123916148

imtiazarshad71
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2014 6:04 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by imtiazarshad71 » Wed Sep 24, 2014 6:12 pm

Dear,
I am going to appear in my GT IELTS on 2 Oct for the third time. I require 6 band in every module of test.
Can you advise me tips for GT reading and Listenig. I am ok with writing and speaking.

I hope your help will arrive soon.

Imtiaz Arshad

RCLASS
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2014 2:19 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by RCLASS » Tue Oct 07, 2014 4:05 am

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for development of poorer nations. However, the government of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that health, education and trade are basic requirements of all the nations aiming to improve and optimise their country. I would say that providing poor nations with experience to grow is a major role that must be done by richer countries.

Poor nations today seem to face lack of healthcare, effective education system and stable economy. This is definitely bad in some ways because the poor nations should develop the public services such as schools, universities, hospitals, factories and infrastructure. That would make the community civilized, healthy and able to push down the headline of unemployment rate.

If poor nations do not optimise their social services when they are in the beginning stages, it is unlikely that they will be forced to develop these services later in life and the result will be seeing in higher level of illiterate, ill and jobless people. When I was young I had free healthcare, university and part time job to keep me occupied and I am greatful now that I got such support from my government.
On the other hand most of the poor nations suffuring from high population and less of expert officials staff. So, it is important that developed countries hold their responsibilities against underprivileged nations. The financial and educational support provided by high income countries will give the opportunity to improve poor nations.

In conclusion, I could certainly agree that richer governments must keep a good relationship with poor countries by finance and educate people. I don’t think that all poor nations are too dependent on high income countries but too many difinitely are. We cannot expect though that developed countries will ignore todays responsibilities and it is important that children in poor countries grow up with awareness and understanding of all challenges in economy, health, and education.
I believe it is up to poor nation governments to gide and encourage their people to a reasonable mixture between local and international support.

Slavica
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2014 11:15 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by Slavica » Sat Oct 11, 2014 11:58 pm

I am new to the forum, and I am not sure I am putting my question on the right place..

I have recently found out about the videos made by Ryan, and I think they are very helpful.
I am sorry I didn't see them earlier.
However, seeing the videos about the essays, I became a little confused and I need help in clarifying some issues regarding the Opinion essays or Argument Essays as they are called in the videos.

I have been taking some preparation classes and my professor recommended using the book Successful writing - proficiency by Virginia Evans.

In the videos, Ryan suggest that we take a side, opinion and stick to that opinion, write two paragraphs with well-constructed topic sentences and supported examples and ideas. However, in the mentioned book for the structure of the opinion essays says that we must also include a paragraph presenting the opposing viewpoint and reason why we think it is an unconvincing viewpoint.
Main Body:
Paragraphs 2&3 (viewpoints&reasons&examples)
Paragraphs 4&5 (opposing viewpoints&reasons&examples)

Can somebody help clarifying this issue? What is the correct structure of these essays? Do we need to put opposing views and try to prove them as unconvincing or do we need to stick to our opinion only?

I really need to understand this, because I have been taking IELTS a couple of times and the score is always between 6.5 and 7 and I need higher score..

sinister_rock
Posts: 22
Joined: Sat Aug 16, 2014 8:54 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by sinister_rock » Sun Oct 12, 2014 3:11 am

Hello Slavica,

My advice is that you should ONLY follow what Ryan is teaching you in the videos. It is not only good but it makes so much sense if you compare his teaching with the writing rubric (official IELTS band descriptor).

You should know that you have jumped into the raging river! Here, you will receive 100s of books and 100s of advices. Its upto you what you decide. Whatever you decide, you must stick to it and implement that method in the exam to the best of your abilities. Mixing 10 advice would be a suicidal attempt. Doing so, you would be riding against the tide.

Also, part of the reason is that we are not here to do PhD in IELTS. We have got many more interesting and rewarding things to do in life. If you do not stick to one method, you will ask the trouble for yourself by doing trials and errors. It will cost you both time and money.

Coming back to your referred book. It will be ridiculous to write 6 paragraphs in an IELTS writing test according to your thinking (intro, 2 paras agree, 2 paras disagree, and conclusion). That will put your essay at around 800 words. Also, it is not possible to write coherently for that long in 40 minutes under examination conditions. Why you wanna do that? If you stick to this plan you are bound to fail because he (examiner) has very limited time to look at you. IELTS writing examiners usually target correcting about 10 to 12 papers per hour. That means ONLY 5 minutes per paper with 2 writing tasks. You think you gonna hit 7 bands in this situation with 800 words essay?

Another thing is that you are wasting your energy writing about other side of the argument. Why you wanna do that when the question is asking for your opinion only I.e it is literally asking you about either yes or no, agree or disagree and not both.

If you like to write both ways then you can write a balanced essay meaning intro, agree para, disagree para, and conclusion. So in any case, your essay must have only 4 paragraphs not less not more. Write those coherently, showing examiner the logical progression in your writing by using less common vocabulary (not necessarily adcanced vocabulary from oxford dictionary) you are on your way to get 7+.

So, my advice to you is go back to YouTube, stay there for 4 days. Watch all of Ryan's video without skipping a second. And think over it. After, couple of hours you will notice that it make so much sense sticking to the plan that he teaches you.

Final advice - The band scores of IELTS proves nothing. Its just one document you need to go to the other side of the river (immigration, professional registration, higher studies). So, pass the exam once and for all and move on. You will need a thick luck as well with your preparation. Only preparation will not help. So you need both.

Hope it helps.

balibutt
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Feb 22, 2014 7:32 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by balibutt » Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:20 am

hellow guys plz check and feed back!

Some people like to do only what they already do well. Other people prefer to try new things and take risks. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

There are different groups of people in this universe. Nature has blessed everybody with distinct features and characteristics. It is argued that many like to do the same type of work, while other believers in adaptability and take calculated risks. it can strongly be agreed that illustrates well a particular type of work the craft which is achieved through discipline, persistence and determination. These points will be elaborated in following paragraphs.
Firstly, Drill and continuity is a vital source to achieve excellence.
Repeating certain sort of labor results in far better outcome.
Take an acknowledged singer as an example, if he is perfect singing, he would not try to adopt another profession or carrier. He would simply like to keep and maintain it.If he would develop habits of persistence and will follow a certain set of rules he would remain at peak.
Secondly, determined mind leads to achievement. If one is not energetic or full of potential neither he would attain nor achieve desired goal.
History has proved that great skilled workers of certain kinds of art were the winner.
Finally, it can be said that community of certain people loves to work specifically in their field of interest. Some try to do many things at the same time, but the chances of their success are very unlikely.
On the other hand, punctuality and repetition of a certain work produce champions. I strongly recommend and support the group of people who do identical or same type of work in their life.

balibutt
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Feb 22, 2014 7:32 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by balibutt » Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:23 am

Some people like to travel with a companion. Other people prefer to travel alone. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Travelling is always a healthy activity in people.
It is a source of recreation and learning. It is argued that accompanying a buddy on a trip add embellishment to it.A buddy creates great company which triggers entertainment and discussion. These points will be proven in following paragraphs.
Firstly, a journey gives us a feeling of joy and fun. Life is the name of livelihood and enjoyment. We can enjoy the nature around us by visiting different touring points with a friend. For instance, going on vacation with a friend to the hill station was a magnificent experience for me.
We both enjoyed our journey towards that area, which was interesting and amazing.
We played card games and chess, which kept us so engaged that we did not even realized when we reached our desired station.
Secondly, one can easily share his feelings and experience with somebody during his company. During the trip I told my friend about every single thing which allured me. There was an immense exchange of ideas and thoughts between us. Discussing our experiences gives us a splendid contentment. This exercise was not possible without a partner during the trip.
To sum it up, it can be said that going out with someone on a journey is a vital source of happiness and catharsis of our thoughts. It makes distance, seemingly short and refreshing. This is only possible in part with somebody.
I strongly recommend a partner while on a journey.
Looking forward for ur suggestions mates......

balibutt
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Feb 22, 2014 7:32 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by balibutt » Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:34 am

msasshra wrote:Hello every one
can anybody help with grading my essay

the question is
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?


It is believed that we have thousands of languages all over the world.
And of course each one carries it’s own arts and aspects of science; therefore governments should encourage their peoples to be aware of most of these languages, so they benefit from all these resources of knowledge. Many people think giving children the chance to learn foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school is of great benefit on their mindset. I myself believe that such chance is a double-sided weapon that if used wisely would diminish its risks.
On the one side, a six-months-experimental trial, that has been conducted in 2008 in the United States by Yale University on children aged seven to tweleve years who were divided into two groups, the first learnt a foreign language besides their native one and the second learnt just their mother tongue. After precise analysis of the experiment results, most children in the first group were able to pass the IQ tests with a score much higher than the second one; moreover they could remember and recall more things in the memory tests than the other group. Another evidence that would support such perspective, children who learn a foreign language have the chance to learn about different foreign figures and icons as an effective mean of understanding. To conclude, a strong relationship exists between the development of children’s intellectual abilities and the capacity of their understanding on so many scales as well as the ability to absorb different cultures and learning a foreign language at primary schools.
On the other side, many children who studied one foreign language besides their native one tend to have some obstacles. First, many of them always intrude some foreign words in the middle of their speech, consequently that leads to misunderstanding among the audience. Second, some of those youngsters lean towards foreign cultures and even forget totally about his traditional one, which may lead to loss of nations’ legacy. That proves the drawbacks of learning foreign language during primary school. A suggested solution to elude these problems is to allocate secondary school for foreign language learning, when personalities of youth have been matured enough.
In conclusion, learning different language at primary school has great useful impacts on children and of course its advantages outweigh disadvantages just if been done under control.


you must watch ryan video on choosing an easy route while writting easy.
a mid way esssay is difficult to write.i suggest always choose simple style either on agreement or disagreement

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