Attention first time posters!

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
arion
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed May 07, 2014 10:04 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by arion » Thu May 08, 2014 11:11 am

(I am not well in English, but I hope to help you a little bit.)
The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads.
Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Different ways of travelling ought to be supported by global legislation brought in to restrict the use and possession of automobiles. In my opinion, think something has to done, because of the rising levels of CO2 in the atmosphere caused by the increase in traffic on our roads. They are too loudly and polluted. We must save fossil fuels for essential future use. Nowadays, fuel reserves are decreasing and it is a negative thing for us. We need to save. Some people waste their money on their expensive vehicles instead of helping to people who need for them. Other problems are accidents, causing a lot of victims and injuries.
On the other hand, discrimination against poor people is a negative thing. They must have their right to use cars. Those who need their car for their job, e. g a doctor and those living in remote areas. Using cars minimize lost time. In a little time, they can more than one job.
In my country, there are too many cars on our roads. They are noisy and polluted by vehicles. We have a lot of laws, but the police do apply anywhere. Our government should do more. We need to enforce our laws, and then perhaps something will be done. Anyone can drive the cars from 10 years old. It is a very negative thing because our roads are not safe. On contrary, people need vehicles to go to school, work or to use them for travelling. (this is not true, but it is for writing purpose)
In conclusion, it is clear to see that using cars has positive and negative points, but when we use them, we must be careful, and we must decrease using cars to a minimum.
(280 words)

candy07
Posts: 56
Joined: Sat May 03, 2014 4:50 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by candy07 » Fri May 09, 2014 7:06 am

Hi Ryan & everyone in the forum ,
My IELTS requirement is 7 bands in each module in the Academic test.
Kindly review and correct this essay. If possible please give a band score and suggest areas where I need to improve.
I will highly appreciate your effort.
Thanks and Regards

Essay question - Many children today find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention in school . What could you think are the possible causes ? What are the possible solutions .

The power to concentrate and ability to focus are considered to be the major attributes for the success of an individual. However, in the modern world , many children find it difficult to concentrate and pay attention in the school. This is clearly exhibited by the increase in number of cases of attention deficit disorder among children now a days . Distraction caused by electronic gadgets and improper diet are suggested as the possible causes for lack of attention. Solutions such as parental intervention and nutritious diet will be analysed for viability.
Firstly , it is believed that parental strictness will help children to limit the time they spend watching television and surfing internet . For example in a recent survey in U.S. it has been proved that children who spend less than three hours a day watching television have better focus on their studies and acquire good academic grades . Thus , effectiveness of this suggested solution in improving concentration can be clearly seen.
Secondly , to address the issue of improper diet and routine , children should be encouraged to eat nutritious food and follow routine. For instance , in many health related studies the link between lack of certain vitamins and minerals in body and attention deficit disorder has been established . This makes it obvious that good diet plays an important role in increasing concentration . Thus eating nutritious diet is suggested as a promising solution to the problem.
To conclude , it is felt that restricting the time spent on television, internet and having healthy diet will help children to increase the ability to focus , concentrate and pay attention in schools. It is thus hoped that these solutions are put into place as soon as possible so that children may improve their attentiveness in schools and enhance their learning skills.

candy07
Posts: 56
Joined: Sat May 03, 2014 4:50 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by candy07 » Sat May 10, 2014 6:59 am

Hi Ryan and everyone

Please check my reading

Thanks

cranford cliff
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2014 2:54 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by cranford cliff » Tue Jul 01, 2014 5:09 am

candy07
i would suggest your writing is too formal (unusual for an IELTS candidate, I think). The task 2 answer should not be too academic , but should give your personal opinion . In the IELTS materials the appropriate writing style is described as 'semi-academic'-
Solutions such as parental intervention and nutritious diet will be analysed for viability.
is an example of being too impersonal and indirect. Better to write: 'Possible solutions are greater parental guidance and a more nutritious diet'. You are not analysing solutions but providing them /some.


in the conclusion better to write ' I believe' than 'it is felt', ' I hope' rather than 'it is hoped'.

Your 'causes' and 'solutions' are all outside the school , whereas the answer may be more simple : in some countries young children spend far too many hours in class, and then sometimes have extra evening classes, so of course they find it difficult to concentrate. Solution, more free time, more breaks, more varied classes that involve physical exercise.
Knowing 'attention deficit disorder' is very good, but it may be too narrow as the focus of the essay ( ?)

gul
Posts: 10
Joined: Thu Jul 10, 2014 9:20 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by gul » Mon Jul 14, 2014 7:01 am

Dear Ryan!
i want to know that if i post my response to the writing modules 1 and 2,would i be getting the response from you regarding the correction of my essays.would it be assessed........
looking forward to it
thanks in advace

DiyaS
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2014 9:47 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by DiyaS » Thu Jul 17, 2014 12:41 pm

Atiqur786rasel wrote:Hi, I am Atiqur Rahman Rasel..Could someone , experienced , help me by correcting & scoring my following IELTS academic task 2 ?

WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material
possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem
important.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

The world is being changed. The one who are changing the world are humans. They are changing the world in many different ways. But they are also changing themselves in noticeable ways.Humans are having change in their morals,personalities, even in natures . Today , people view and distinguish others by their social status and possessions having forgotten the true values of human such as, honour , kindness and trust . In this essay , I will write in agreement with the opinion stated above .

First of all, humans are natural being . They are rational , creative & social . They have been created to be adaptive . That is why ,humans are forgetting old views & living with the new ones . Strangely enough , nowadays when you go to a village , you can see that if there is any person with most of the assets , that person is respected all over the village .A quintessence from my own village can be given here . Our so-called honorable chairman is a man with no honour let alone kindness . But he owns most of the lands of our villages . So , the villagers have to respect him . Though the villagers respect him on the outside , they resent him in the inside .

Furthermore , many people , though rich , intend to serve richer people than them as a base for their security .It is very natural for those people because you cannot live alone in the midst of a den being a frightened rabbit . To survive , you have to live along with other ferocious animals being nice . Another point can be made from today’s politics in Bangladesh .The people in authority are actually given authority because of tremendous amount of money or assets .They seem to have no eligibility at all. They don’t have any kindness at all . They are not trustworthy too.

In addition , young people with great talent , nowadays don’t get good jobs . Even if they possess unique qualities like kindness & truthfulness , they get rejected . It is because they don’t have any money or authority . A recent quintessence is perfect here . One of my cousins went to have a interview for a prestigious job recently . At one point , after being selected in the interview , the company asked for about 1 million taka in exchange of the job . So my cousin came back home being annoyed with himself . Because he had not enough money.

In conclusion , it is evident that , almost in every fields of life, old-fashioned values are not respected at all . People are revered just because of status and possessions such as money , assets etc. This will probably remain the same in future . Because , it is no longer needed for people to keep “Old” in their dictionary .

Here is my take on the same topic. Re-posting from the thread 'Academic writing Task 2 review'.

In an economy driven my consumers, it is natural to be tempted by material possessions. Owning a mansion and driving a Lamborghini to work every day will definitely make me popular. However when it comes to building a fulfilling life for myself, I think I need much more than a giant house and a fancy car. In my opinion a person’s worth is decided by the quality of his/her relationships which are built on the foundations of sound values.

More often than not success is truly enjoyed when you are surrounded by people who rejoice in your happiness. Happiness truly multiplies when shared. Building healthy and ever-lasting relationships takes values such as honor, kindness and trust, which are nowadays termed ‘old fashioned’. You cannot sell some shares at Wall Street and buy some friends. You have to invest time in people. Be there for them in their good and bad times, share their joys and sorrows. What kind of a person you really are underneath, will decide how well you build your relationships. We often see the lives of rich and famous being documented by the paparazzi. Their lives are depicted as though they are epitomes of success. However only a few years later they have a string of divorces and land up in rehabilitation centers battling alcohol and drug addictions. That is when we realize that they had got their priorities wrong all along.

There is no doubt that material possessions and a enviable social status make life comfortable. But that cannot come at the cost of your personal life. Having integrity, trust and a kind heart will take you a long way in leading a holistic life. Success will just be a by-product of your own traits.

dearjohn
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 12:12 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by dearjohn » Sun Aug 03, 2014 1:10 pm

dear ryan, please check my essay. feedbacks are highly appreciated.

The burning of oil for transport, especially in private cars, is wasteful and environmentally irresponsible. Taxation on petrol and diesel fuel should be increased to very high levels to discourage use of private cars. To what extent would you support or reject this idea?

Environmental problems are continously haunting the human populace up to this time. Many people believe that one predisposing factor to this unfortunate phenomenon is the use of oil to utilize private cars as a mode of transportation. Necessary actions should be realized to address this alarming concern. Increasing the price of petrol and fuel is a wise move to demotivate private car owners to limit the use of their car.

Less car in the road is tantamount to lesser smoke. As a result, the atmospheric air will be cleaner and healthier. This might also improve road traffic in major avenues, consequently, noise and congestion will be avoided. Trimming down the number of cars using oil as a fuel can actually enhance our chance to battle out pollution.

Furthermore, the tax that will be collected from the purchase of oil can be used to develop the country. It can also be used to fund scientific researches to discover energy resources that are environment-friendly and cost-effective. So, this can be of big help with the country's economic status.

However, one can argue that manipulating the cost of oil to avoid the use of private cars is irrational. This does not solve the main problem as a whole. Primarily, private cars are not chiefly the cause of environmental pollutions, and so, it is only a drop in a bucket. Factories that blows out massive toxic wastes, deforestation, and the like are the main contributory factors of the environmental problems we are experiencing now.

In addition, mostly, people who owns private car are rich and able to pay the price if needed. Increasing the price of oil is not an effective strategy as wealthy people could easily adopt to price changes. Car is more of a need rather than a want now.

In conclusion, environmental problems are multifaceted. The need to find effective and logical solutions is demanded.

dearjohn
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 12:12 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by dearjohn » Mon Aug 04, 2014 1:22 am

dear ryan, please check my essay. feedbacks are highly appreciated.

The burning of oil for transport, especially in private cars, is wasteful and environmentally irresponsible. Taxation on petrol and diesel fuel should be increased to very high levels to discourage use of private cars. To what extent would you support or reject this idea?

Environmental problems are continously haunting the human populace up to this time. Many people believe that one predisposing factor to this unfortunate phenomenon is the use of oil to utilize private cars as a mode of transportation. Necessary actions should be realized to address this alarming concern. Increasing the price of petrol and fuel is a wise move to demotivate private car owners to limit the use of their car.

Less car in the road is tantamount to lesser smoke. As a result, the atmospheric air will be cleaner and healthier. This might also improve road traffic in major avenues, consequently, noise and congestion will be avoided. Trimming down the number of cars using oil as a fuel can actually enhance our chance to battle out pollution.

Furthermore, the tax that will be collected from the purchase of oil can be used to develop the country. It can also be used to fund scientific researches to discover energy resources that are environment-friendly and cost-effective. So, this can be of big help with the country's economic status.

However, one can argue that manipulating the cost of oil to avoid the use of private cars is irrational. This does not solve the main problem as a whole. Primarily, private cars are not chiefly the cause of environmental pollutions, and so, it is only a drop in a bucket. Factories that blows out massive toxic wastes, deforestation, and the like are the main contributory factors of the environmental problems we are experiencing now.

In addition, mostly, people who owns private car are rich and able to pay the price if needed. Increasing the price of oil is not an effective strategy as wealthy people could easily adopt to price changes. Car is more of a need rather than a want now.

In conclusion, environmental problems are multifaceted. The need to find effective and logical solutions is demanded.

dearjohn
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 12:12 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by dearjohn » Mon Aug 04, 2014 4:16 am

please assess my essay, and give feedbacks :) :D

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Nowadays, in some countries, students are preoccupied to do very well in their studies and consequently looses the opportunity to enjoy themselves. This situation can be rooted from various reasons and for sure there are reasonable solutions to address this concern, as will now be discussed.

One reason why young people ought to have limited leisure time and obsessed with academic studies is because of the popular notion that the world is now rather complicated. People needs to have a competitive scholastic background to increase the probability of getting a job, and so, young people tend to study hard for their future. For an instance, an employer would prefer a student who graduated with honors than a student who have suffering marks.

Another reason is that some students are able to attend school because of scholarships. The need to maintain good grades is often a requirement to stay in the program. This adds pressure to young adults. In connection to this, finding time to have leisure is a challenge.

A way to solve this is by inculcating to young people the importance of holistic nourishment. Not only knowledge is vital, but also skills and attitude are as essential to thrive. Finding time to have play is very beneficial as it develops healthy mind to have a positive outlook in life. The addition of interesting activities in school is also a bright idea where students get to unwind while actually learning practical skills.

Furthermore, government programs should focus on developing the education system in the country for example, here in the Philippines. The provision of assistance for students to attend school up to college without the demand to maintain superior grade is reasonable to implement. The government should realize that an overall healthy population not just merely an intelligent group of people is needed to build a strong nation.

In conclusion, young adults today tends to be very intellectually superior and ought not to do other things but study. Leading them the way is a key for them to change this perception. Moreover, the government should design programs for the betterment of the young citizens.

saqibali
Posts: 377
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:56 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by saqibali » Mon Aug 04, 2014 5:08 pm

dearjohn wrote:dear ryan, please check my essay. feedbacks are highly appreciated.

The burning of oil for transport, especially in private cars, is wasteful and environmentally irresponsible. Taxation on petrol and diesel fuel should be increased to very high levels to discourage use of private cars. To what extent would you support or reject this idea?

Environmental problems are continously haunting the human populace up to this time. Many people believe that one predisposing factor to this unfortunate phenomenon is the use of oil to utilize private cars as a mode of transportation. Necessary actions should be realized to address this alarming concern. Increasing the price of petrol and fuel is a wise move to demotivate private car owners to limit the use of their car[Need rephrasing].

Less car[Un appropriate usage of words] in the road is tantamount to lesser smoke. As a result, the atmospheric air will be cleaner and healthier. This might also improve road traffic in major avenues, consequently, noise and congestion will be avoided. Trimming down the number of cars using oil as a fuel can actually enhance our chance to battle out pollution.[Please rephrase these three sentences]

Furthermore, the tax that will be collected from the purchase of oil can be used to develop the country. It can also be used to fund scientific researches to discover energy resources that are environment-friendly and cost-effective. So, this can be of big help with the country's economic status.

However, one can argue that manipulating the cost of oil to avoid the use of private cars is irrational. This does not solve the main problem as a whole. Primarily, private cars are not chiefly the cause of environmental pollutions, and so, it is only a drop in a bucket. Factories that blows out massive toxic wastes, deforestation, and the like are the main contributory factors of the environmental problems we are experiencing now.

In addition, mostly, people who owns[delete s since you have used are ] private car[s] are rich and able to pay the price if needed. Increasing the price of oil is not an effective strategy as wealthy people could easily adopt to price changes. Car is more of a need rather than a want now.

In conclusion, environmental problems are multifaceted. The need to find effective and logical solutions is demanded.
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