Attention first time posters!

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
msasshra
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2013 10:54 pm

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Post by msasshra »

Hello every one
can anybody help with grading my essay

the question is
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?


It is believed that we have thousands of languages all over the world.
And of course each one carries it’s own arts and aspects of science; therefore governments should encourage their peoples to be aware of most of these languages, so they benefit from all these resources of knowledge. Many people think giving children the chance to learn foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school is of great benefit on their mindset. I myself believe that such chance is a double-sided weapon that if used wisely would diminish its risks.
On the one side, a six-months-experimental trial, that has been conducted in 2008 in the United States by Yale University on children aged seven to tweleve years who were divided into two groups, the first learnt a foreign language besides their native one and the second learnt just their mother tongue. After precise analysis of the experiment results, most children in the first group were able to pass the IQ tests with a score much higher than the second one; moreover they could remember and recall more things in the memory tests than the other group. Another evidence that would support such perspective, children who learn a foreign language have the chance to learn about different foreign figures and icons as an effective mean of understanding. To conclude, a strong relationship exists between the development of children’s intellectual abilities and the capacity of their understanding on so many scales as well as the ability to absorb different cultures and learning a foreign language at primary schools.
On the other side, many children who studied one foreign language besides their native one tend to have some obstacles. First, many of them always intrude some foreign words in the middle of their speech, consequently that leads to misunderstanding among the audience. Second, some of those youngsters lean towards foreign cultures and even forget totally about his traditional one, which may lead to loss of nations’ legacy. That proves the drawbacks of learning foreign language during primary school. A suggested solution to elude these problems is to allocate secondary school for foreign language learning, when personalities of youth have been matured enough.
In conclusion, learning different language at primary school has great useful impacts on children and of course its advantages outweigh disadvantages just if been done under control.
Francesc
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Dec 12, 2013 7:43 pm

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Post by Francesc »

guys halp me to develop my writting tanx for comments

In some cultures, children are expected to follow very strict rules of behavior. In other countries, children are allowed to do almost anything they want. What are the merits of each opinion? What is your position on the matter? Include relevant example in your respond.

In today’s world, there is great attention to behavior, almost in everywhere. This has been seen in cultural behavior. In some countries teenager can do anything they want however in other places young people have to strongly pay attention to their cultural rules. It is not an easy question to answer but in the following paragraphs this issue would be analyzed.

By being encounter to countless occasions, most adults in western countries do not take their children under pressure. Take united states for instance, almost all parents in this country allow to their children do everything. Furthermore, they do not ban to their daughters dress short things or drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes to their boys. It is obvious when looking at this example that young people in this kind of countries live their lifetime how they like. From this, it can be concluded that adults in this country give chance to young people for choosing their own life direction, it means anything up to themselves.

In contrast, majority of people in eastern countries look at children behavior seriously. For example, responsibility of older people in this kind of countries showing direction, giving advice to teenagers and also coaching them to real life and of course while teaching them older people have to prohibit numerous things to children. This example makes it clear that teenagers not able to do anything by themselves. Moreover, before doing something they have to get permission from their parents or grandparents. It is obvious that following to cultural behavior is not just for fun but creating respect and personal attitude among young people.

After analyzing, the areas of caring about children behavior and allowing do anything they want. It is felt maybe in some case parents should let to do whatever children want but it is batter to keep them under pressure in order to save respect between each other and continue cultural rules of behavior.
AnnieA
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Nov 30, 2013 2:44 pm

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Post by AnnieA »

Hallo, could you please, please help me by banding(rating) my essay? And of course tell me where my mistakes are? I really want to reach band 7 on academic training.
Some people think that the family is the most important thigh in the world. Other think it is friendship. Which view do you agree with? Use examples to support your position.

People say family is the most important thing in the world because its members will be there for you no matter what happened. Other believe that friendship is what we should pay more attention on.
In my opinion, we should not so surely categorize and say that only one of these 2 statements is true and the other is not. It depends of the situation.
Some think, it is too hard or even impossible to find real friends because human beings are egoistic, which is actually expected, because it is provoked by the survival instinct. People firstly think about themselves and then about these who surround them. But what I really want to do now, is to pay attention over the definition "real" in front of "friends". These words usage means that there is a difference between just "friends" and "real friends". The first one is someone, who you have fun with. But second one is a person, who you can call in the middle of the night just to talk to, who will be there and will try to help you no matter what happens. And this one is, for real, hard to find.
On the other hand, there is no guarantee, a member of your family will surely be there when you need to. What do leads me to this conclusion is the fact that nowadays, there are mothers(that are not teenagers), who leave their children. Or as well, parents who do prefer to go out with friends than stay at home and pay attention on their ill darling.
In a conclusion, we all live in a world of insecurity, but this do not mean we should give up of searching and building real relationships, because we do it, we may lose somebody, who is really about to make our life better with his presence.

I also, do have some questions. Can we use ritorical questions? And can we use statements like "This essay is about (to discuss)"?
aijazbasheer
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 5:18 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by aijazbasheer »

Dear Ryan
I have bought your writing task 2 book. But in this essay I deviated from your instructions ;). Kindly give your valuable comments


Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for type of crime. others, however, argue that circumstances of individual crime, and the motivation for committing it , should always to be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both point of view and give your own opinion.


To punish criminals is a major task of any judicial system. While some people believe that there should be no discrimination in penalizing the offenders of same category , in my opinion the circumstances and intentions which persuade any person to commit a felony should be addressed during his or her conviction.

In by and large, human beings are not criminals by birth, these are circumstances and social environment which either rear them up as a responsible citizen or foster them as criminal. Keeping this in view, if a justice system would have started seeking reasons and motives behind every crime then logically circumstances and social environment should have convicted rather than criminals. This nostrum would lead to demise of whole legal system. Since the beginning of time every person is responsible for his deeds either good or bad, regardless of reason behind. Thus it is obvious that criminals should got his comeuppance on the nature of crime rather than their intentions and circumstances.

On the other hand people who support the idea that circumstances should be considered behind the crimes argue, that some time a good and responsible person could have trapped in a situation which apparently proves him guilty. For instance, in Muslim jurisprudence fornication is punitive offence but there is separate punishments for consensual infidelity and rape, although the nature of offense is same. In a nut shell, circumstances and evidences should be taken into account before conviction.
In my opinion, crux of any legal apparatus is to differentiate the criminals on the base of circumstances and environment and punish them accordingly. For same reason in civilized world, for same crime juveniles have different punishments than adults.
margaretdavid
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Joined: Fri Feb 07, 2014 10:04 pm
Location: new york
Contact:

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by margaretdavid »

hi Ryan>>>> ;)

thank for sharing this review..............
FelipedeQueiroz
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2014 9:07 pm

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Post by FelipedeQueiroz »

Firstly, I know How boring it is, to read an essay that is fully of mistakes, but please I need your reorientation in organization and strongly suggestions to write an essay in an academic form.
Could someone check my mistakes on my essay? I need some experienced advice from someone. I am looking forward to that.

My essay it is about a table and it says summarize the proportion of the different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999. Write at least 150 words:

table:
Family type Proportion of people from each household type living in poverty
Single aged person 6% (54,000)
Aged couple 4% ( 48,000)
Single, no children 19% (359,000)
Couple, no children 7% (211,000)
Sole parent 21 %( 232,000)
Couple with children 12% (933,000)
all households 11% (1,837,000)

Australian families were living in uncomfortable life in 1999. As in this table demonstrates the difference of type of family. There is a clear correlation between the difference to the families related to the proportion of poverty in Australia in 1999. As it shows 7 sort of family and the three poorest sort of families are, single with no children, sole parent and couple with children and that each of these categories also had by far the largest numerous of people in 1999. Sole parent with the highest percent of living in less financial condition, namely over two hundred thirty thousands peoples in 1999. The single person who has no children hold the second highest rate based on the table, with almost three fifty nine thousand people.
In all different sort of families except aged couple. It can be seen that the higher low_income condition rate. it is interesting that an aged coupled with the lowest percentage of people living in poverty with nearly forty eight thousand its represents four percents in the table. the poverty proportion was the high as in the table shows single aged person namely six percent. Although in the proportion of people from each type of household , health and economic facts crucially involve some differences.
Despite the proportion of household was not approaching equally. Clearly other health or economic factors must be involved. it is therefore interesting to note that in case the number of single aged person was significantly lower than that of couple no children and even single no children, which seems to be a reflection o the fact that in general household.
AhmadMukhtiar
Posts: 32
Joined: Sat Mar 22, 2014 1:51 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by AhmadMukhtiar »

Public transportation is a great way to travel, particularly within a metropolis.
The metro is the most convenient way to get around a city. Do you agree or
disagree?


In recent times, the ways of public transportation has largely
developed. Now-a-days metro is its most recent form which allows an ease
of travel around the city .It is agreed that human mankind has benefitted
largely from the use of public transportation. Not only, it contributes to
a greater saving of public's money but also, effectively can help in preserving
the environment.

Firstly, travelling by a bus or train is very cheap and economical
not only within a city but also in between the cities. For example, if you
would drive a car it could cost you a large amount for the same distances as
travelled in a metro. This shows that travelling not by a bus or train is
not beneficial. Analyzing this fact it is evident that public transportation
would remain a prime choice of travelling.

Secondly, the ability of public transportation in carrying a large
number of passengers has helped at large in preservation of a clean
environment. For example, if every person would use his own car, it could
contribute more to the environmental pollution, as there would be large number
of cars. However, if a large number of people could use metro, it would help
in reduction of environmental pollution. From this it becomes quite evident
that public transport can help in getting a clean environment.

In conclusion, the pivate means of transportation causes a greater
expenditure and can not be termed as environment friendly. Thus it is clear
that the idea of travelling around by these means can not be supported. After
analyzing the merits of public transportation, it is predicted that its usage
will be prevailed for a longer time in future.
mr_brown
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Apr 08, 2014 2:57 am

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Post by mr_brown »

Writing Task 1 in IELTS. Line graph.

The line graph compares the percentage of British children aged 20 or less in four groups over an eleven-year period between 1990 and 2001.

Overall, what stands out from the graph is that there were considerable upward trends in the proportion of both groups aged 5-9 and 10-14. Whilst the youngest age group saw a steady decrease over the period shown. However, the most striking point is that there was a dramatic fall during the first four years followed by a gradual growth in 2001.

Looking at the details, around 24.6% of British children was aged 5-9 in 1990. The data peaked at approximately 26.3% in 1997, then there was a marginal decline to 25.2% over the last four years. By contrast, a downward trend was noticed in the proportion of teenagers (15-19). The figure declined abruptly to just over 23% in 1994 followed by a steady increase to around 25% in 2001.

Despite rising significantly to 26.5% in 1992, the category of infants (0-4) saw a rapid decline to 23.5%, the lowest percentage, in 2001. Regarding the 10-14 age group, the major rise was seen from approximately 23.2% in 1990 to 25% over the letter years, and the final proportion (about 26.3%) remained the greatest.


206 words
hbzezo
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Apr 14, 2014 7:59 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by hbzezo »

hello ryan
this is heba from egypt....i wonder if i can post my writing essays as pictures because i donot have laptop is it ok?
User avatar
Ryan
Moderator
Moderator
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Location: Dubai, UAE

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by Ryan »

hbzezo wrote:hello ryan
this is heba from egypt....i wonder if i can post my writing essays as pictures because i donot have laptop is it ok?
No problem at all.

Good luck,
Ryan
arion
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed May 07, 2014 10:04 am

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Post by arion »

(I am not well in English, but I hope to help you a little bit.)
The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads.
Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Different ways of travelling ought to be supported by global legislation brought in to restrict the use and possession of automobiles. In my opinion, think something has to done, because of the rising levels of CO2 in the atmosphere caused by the increase in traffic on our roads. They are too loudly and polluted. We must save fossil fuels for essential future use. Nowadays, fuel reserves are decreasing and it is a negative thing for us. We need to save. Some people waste their money on their expensive vehicles instead of helping to people who need for them. Other problems are accidents, causing a lot of victims and injuries.
On the other hand, discrimination against poor people is a negative thing. They must have their right to use cars. Those who need their car for their job, e. g a doctor and those living in remote areas. Using cars minimize lost time. In a little time, they can more than one job.
In my country, there are too many cars on our roads. They are noisy and polluted by vehicles. We have a lot of laws, but the police do apply anywhere. Our government should do more. We need to enforce our laws, and then perhaps something will be done. Anyone can drive the cars from 10 years old. It is a very negative thing because our roads are not safe. On contrary, people need vehicles to go to school, work or to use them for travelling. (this is not true, but it is for writing purpose)
In conclusion, it is clear to see that using cars has positive and negative points, but when we use them, we must be careful, and we must decrease using cars to a minimum.
(280 words)
candy07
Posts: 56
Joined: Sat May 03, 2014 4:50 am

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Post by candy07 »

Hi Ryan & everyone in the forum ,
My IELTS requirement is 7 bands in each module in the Academic test.
Kindly review and correct this essay. If possible please give a band score and suggest areas where I need to improve.
I will highly appreciate your effort.
Thanks and Regards

Essay question - Many children today find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention in school . What could you think are the possible causes ? What are the possible solutions .

The power to concentrate and ability to focus are considered to be the major attributes for the success of an individual. However, in the modern world , many children find it difficult to concentrate and pay attention in the school. This is clearly exhibited by the increase in number of cases of attention deficit disorder among children now a days . Distraction caused by electronic gadgets and improper diet are suggested as the possible causes for lack of attention. Solutions such as parental intervention and nutritious diet will be analysed for viability.
Firstly , it is believed that parental strictness will help children to limit the time they spend watching television and surfing internet . For example in a recent survey in U.S. it has been proved that children who spend less than three hours a day watching television have better focus on their studies and acquire good academic grades . Thus , effectiveness of this suggested solution in improving concentration can be clearly seen.
Secondly , to address the issue of improper diet and routine , children should be encouraged to eat nutritious food and follow routine. For instance , in many health related studies the link between lack of certain vitamins and minerals in body and attention deficit disorder has been established . This makes it obvious that good diet plays an important role in increasing concentration . Thus eating nutritious diet is suggested as a promising solution to the problem.
To conclude , it is felt that restricting the time spent on television, internet and having healthy diet will help children to increase the ability to focus , concentrate and pay attention in schools. It is thus hoped that these solutions are put into place as soon as possible so that children may improve their attentiveness in schools and enhance their learning skills.
candy07
Posts: 56
Joined: Sat May 03, 2014 4:50 am

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Post by candy07 »

Hi Ryan and everyone

Please check my reading

Thanks
cranford cliff
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2014 2:54 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by cranford cliff »

candy07
i would suggest your writing is too formal (unusual for an IELTS candidate, I think). The task 2 answer should not be too academic , but should give your personal opinion . In the IELTS materials the appropriate writing style is described as 'semi-academic'-
Solutions such as parental intervention and nutritious diet will be analysed for viability.
is an example of being too impersonal and indirect. Better to write: 'Possible solutions are greater parental guidance and a more nutritious diet'. You are not analysing solutions but providing them /some.


in the conclusion better to write ' I believe' than 'it is felt', ' I hope' rather than 'it is hoped'.

Your 'causes' and 'solutions' are all outside the school , whereas the answer may be more simple : in some countries young children spend far too many hours in class, and then sometimes have extra evening classes, so of course they find it difficult to concentrate. Solution, more free time, more breaks, more varied classes that involve physical exercise.
Knowing 'attention deficit disorder' is very good, but it may be too narrow as the focus of the essay ( ?)
gul
Posts: 10
Joined: Thu Jul 10, 2014 9:20 am

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Post by gul »

Dear Ryan!
i want to know that if i post my response to the writing modules 1 and 2,would i be getting the response from you regarding the correction of my essays.would it be assessed........
looking forward to it
thanks in advace
DiyaS
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2014 9:47 am

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Post by DiyaS »

Atiqur786rasel wrote:Hi, I am Atiqur Rahman Rasel..Could someone , experienced , help me by correcting & scoring my following IELTS academic task 2 ?

WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material
possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem
important.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

The world is being changed. The one who are changing the world are humans. They are changing the world in many different ways. But they are also changing themselves in noticeable ways.Humans are having change in their morals,personalities, even in natures . Today , people view and distinguish others by their social status and possessions having forgotten the true values of human such as, honour , kindness and trust . In this essay , I will write in agreement with the opinion stated above .

First of all, humans are natural being . They are rational , creative & social . They have been created to be adaptive . That is why ,humans are forgetting old views & living with the new ones . Strangely enough , nowadays when you go to a village , you can see that if there is any person with most of the assets , that person is respected all over the village .A quintessence from my own village can be given here . Our so-called honorable chairman is a man with no honour let alone kindness . But he owns most of the lands of our villages . So , the villagers have to respect him . Though the villagers respect him on the outside , they resent him in the inside .

Furthermore , many people , though rich , intend to serve richer people than them as a base for their security .It is very natural for those people because you cannot live alone in the midst of a den being a frightened rabbit . To survive , you have to live along with other ferocious animals being nice . Another point can be made from today’s politics in Bangladesh .The people in authority are actually given authority because of tremendous amount of money or assets .They seem to have no eligibility at all. They don’t have any kindness at all . They are not trustworthy too.

In addition , young people with great talent , nowadays don’t get good jobs . Even if they possess unique qualities like kindness & truthfulness , they get rejected . It is because they don’t have any money or authority . A recent quintessence is perfect here . One of my cousins went to have a interview for a prestigious job recently . At one point , after being selected in the interview , the company asked for about 1 million taka in exchange of the job . So my cousin came back home being annoyed with himself . Because he had not enough money.

In conclusion , it is evident that , almost in every fields of life, old-fashioned values are not respected at all . People are revered just because of status and possessions such as money , assets etc. This will probably remain the same in future . Because , it is no longer needed for people to keep “Old” in their dictionary .

Here is my take on the same topic. Re-posting from the thread 'Academic writing Task 2 review'.

In an economy driven my consumers, it is natural to be tempted by material possessions. Owning a mansion and driving a Lamborghini to work every day will definitely make me popular. However when it comes to building a fulfilling life for myself, I think I need much more than a giant house and a fancy car. In my opinion a person’s worth is decided by the quality of his/her relationships which are built on the foundations of sound values.

More often than not success is truly enjoyed when you are surrounded by people who rejoice in your happiness. Happiness truly multiplies when shared. Building healthy and ever-lasting relationships takes values such as honor, kindness and trust, which are nowadays termed ‘old fashioned’. You cannot sell some shares at Wall Street and buy some friends. You have to invest time in people. Be there for them in their good and bad times, share their joys and sorrows. What kind of a person you really are underneath, will decide how well you build your relationships. We often see the lives of rich and famous being documented by the paparazzi. Their lives are depicted as though they are epitomes of success. However only a few years later they have a string of divorces and land up in rehabilitation centers battling alcohol and drug addictions. That is when we realize that they had got their priorities wrong all along.

There is no doubt that material possessions and a enviable social status make life comfortable. But that cannot come at the cost of your personal life. Having integrity, trust and a kind heart will take you a long way in leading a holistic life. Success will just be a by-product of your own traits.
dearjohn
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 12:12 pm

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Post by dearjohn »

dear ryan, please check my essay. feedbacks are highly appreciated.

The burning of oil for transport, especially in private cars, is wasteful and environmentally irresponsible. Taxation on petrol and diesel fuel should be increased to very high levels to discourage use of private cars. To what extent would you support or reject this idea?

Environmental problems are continously haunting the human populace up to this time. Many people believe that one predisposing factor to this unfortunate phenomenon is the use of oil to utilize private cars as a mode of transportation. Necessary actions should be realized to address this alarming concern. Increasing the price of petrol and fuel is a wise move to demotivate private car owners to limit the use of their car.

Less car in the road is tantamount to lesser smoke. As a result, the atmospheric air will be cleaner and healthier. This might also improve road traffic in major avenues, consequently, noise and congestion will be avoided. Trimming down the number of cars using oil as a fuel can actually enhance our chance to battle out pollution.

Furthermore, the tax that will be collected from the purchase of oil can be used to develop the country. It can also be used to fund scientific researches to discover energy resources that are environment-friendly and cost-effective. So, this can be of big help with the country's economic status.

However, one can argue that manipulating the cost of oil to avoid the use of private cars is irrational. This does not solve the main problem as a whole. Primarily, private cars are not chiefly the cause of environmental pollutions, and so, it is only a drop in a bucket. Factories that blows out massive toxic wastes, deforestation, and the like are the main contributory factors of the environmental problems we are experiencing now.

In addition, mostly, people who owns private car are rich and able to pay the price if needed. Increasing the price of oil is not an effective strategy as wealthy people could easily adopt to price changes. Car is more of a need rather than a want now.

In conclusion, environmental problems are multifaceted. The need to find effective and logical solutions is demanded.
dearjohn
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 12:12 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by dearjohn »

dear ryan, please check my essay. feedbacks are highly appreciated.

The burning of oil for transport, especially in private cars, is wasteful and environmentally irresponsible. Taxation on petrol and diesel fuel should be increased to very high levels to discourage use of private cars. To what extent would you support or reject this idea?

Environmental problems are continously haunting the human populace up to this time. Many people believe that one predisposing factor to this unfortunate phenomenon is the use of oil to utilize private cars as a mode of transportation. Necessary actions should be realized to address this alarming concern. Increasing the price of petrol and fuel is a wise move to demotivate private car owners to limit the use of their car.

Less car in the road is tantamount to lesser smoke. As a result, the atmospheric air will be cleaner and healthier. This might also improve road traffic in major avenues, consequently, noise and congestion will be avoided. Trimming down the number of cars using oil as a fuel can actually enhance our chance to battle out pollution.

Furthermore, the tax that will be collected from the purchase of oil can be used to develop the country. It can also be used to fund scientific researches to discover energy resources that are environment-friendly and cost-effective. So, this can be of big help with the country's economic status.

However, one can argue that manipulating the cost of oil to avoid the use of private cars is irrational. This does not solve the main problem as a whole. Primarily, private cars are not chiefly the cause of environmental pollutions, and so, it is only a drop in a bucket. Factories that blows out massive toxic wastes, deforestation, and the like are the main contributory factors of the environmental problems we are experiencing now.

In addition, mostly, people who owns private car are rich and able to pay the price if needed. Increasing the price of oil is not an effective strategy as wealthy people could easily adopt to price changes. Car is more of a need rather than a want now.

In conclusion, environmental problems are multifaceted. The need to find effective and logical solutions is demanded.
dearjohn
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 12:12 pm

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Post by dearjohn »

please assess my essay, and give feedbacks :) :D

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Nowadays, in some countries, students are preoccupied to do very well in their studies and consequently looses the opportunity to enjoy themselves. This situation can be rooted from various reasons and for sure there are reasonable solutions to address this concern, as will now be discussed.

One reason why young people ought to have limited leisure time and obsessed with academic studies is because of the popular notion that the world is now rather complicated. People needs to have a competitive scholastic background to increase the probability of getting a job, and so, young people tend to study hard for their future. For an instance, an employer would prefer a student who graduated with honors than a student who have suffering marks.

Another reason is that some students are able to attend school because of scholarships. The need to maintain good grades is often a requirement to stay in the program. This adds pressure to young adults. In connection to this, finding time to have leisure is a challenge.

A way to solve this is by inculcating to young people the importance of holistic nourishment. Not only knowledge is vital, but also skills and attitude are as essential to thrive. Finding time to have play is very beneficial as it develops healthy mind to have a positive outlook in life. The addition of interesting activities in school is also a bright idea where students get to unwind while actually learning practical skills.

Furthermore, government programs should focus on developing the education system in the country for example, here in the Philippines. The provision of assistance for students to attend school up to college without the demand to maintain superior grade is reasonable to implement. The government should realize that an overall healthy population not just merely an intelligent group of people is needed to build a strong nation.

In conclusion, young adults today tends to be very intellectually superior and ought not to do other things but study. Leading them the way is a key for them to change this perception. Moreover, the government should design programs for the betterment of the young citizens.
saqibali
Posts: 452
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:56 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by saqibali »

dearjohn wrote:dear ryan, please check my essay. feedbacks are highly appreciated.

The burning of oil for transport, especially in private cars, is wasteful and environmentally irresponsible. Taxation on petrol and diesel fuel should be increased to very high levels to discourage use of private cars. To what extent would you support or reject this idea?

Environmental problems are continously haunting the human populace up to this time. Many people believe that one predisposing factor to this unfortunate phenomenon is the use of oil to utilize private cars as a mode of transportation. Necessary actions should be realized to address this alarming concern. Increasing the price of petrol and fuel is a wise move to demotivate private car owners to limit the use of their car[Need rephrasing].

Less car[Un appropriate usage of words] in the road is tantamount to lesser smoke. As a result, the atmospheric air will be cleaner and healthier. This might also improve road traffic in major avenues, consequently, noise and congestion will be avoided. Trimming down the number of cars using oil as a fuel can actually enhance our chance to battle out pollution.[Please rephrase these three sentences]

Furthermore, the tax that will be collected from the purchase of oil can be used to develop the country. It can also be used to fund scientific researches to discover energy resources that are environment-friendly and cost-effective. So, this can be of big help with the country's economic status.

However, one can argue that manipulating the cost of oil to avoid the use of private cars is irrational. This does not solve the main problem as a whole. Primarily, private cars are not chiefly the cause of environmental pollutions, and so, it is only a drop in a bucket. Factories that blows out massive toxic wastes, deforestation, and the like are the main contributory factors of the environmental problems we are experiencing now.

In addition, mostly, people who owns[delete s since you have used are ] private car[s] are rich and able to pay the price if needed. Increasing the price of oil is not an effective strategy as wealthy people could easily adopt to price changes. Car is more of a need rather than a want now.

In conclusion, environmental problems are multifaceted. The need to find effective and logical solutions is demanded.
Cohesion:Please follow ryan videos for argumentative essay
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dearjohn
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 12:12 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by dearjohn »

I need a feedback on this essay. PLEASE 8-)

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.


Obesity among children is indeed becoming more common. This condition could negatively impact the young population especially with regards to their health. Many factors could be considered as a cause of this serious issue and efforts done at home and by the government should be shed to address this.

To begin with, obesity in children can be due to their exposure to junk foods in almost all places including schools. Foods such as candies, salty crackers and curls which contains inadequate nutritional value are omnipresent and are usually cheaply sold. As a result, children are tempted to consume these products in large amount as these foods are often appealing to children's tongue. To counteract this cause, the government can implement a law restricting vendors to sell junk foods at school or require food manufacturers to produce nutritious food products. For instance, in the Philippines, junk foods are banned at school and only foods with high nutritional value are allowed to be sold. Moreover, all junk foods are fortified with Vitamin A and other essential vitamins and minerals here in the country.

Furthermore, overweight parents produce overweight children. Children ought to imitate what they commonly observe. In the case of parents who has rather unhealthy lifestyle, their children may eventually adopt this way of living. This could happen as family shares same type of foods and daily routines. In connection to this, change should always start at home. Promoting healthy living is best amplified if parents act as an example. There are enjoyable activities that family could participate in, such as group exercise. Eating healthy food is also important. Parents should serve nutritious foods like vegetable but making it palatable and creative to tickle the interest of the young family members. Also, avoiding foods that are high in fat and sugar can be helpful.

In conclusion, obesity in children as we know can be blamed to the environment they are exposed to. Reasonable changes made by the government and more importantly by parents may decrease the incidence of this alarming health fact.
econoth
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2014 2:35 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by econoth »

Hi
I came across this blog few weeks before my IELTs test.Now, when I have received my result, I am here again. I got overall 7.5, but i need atleast 7 in academic writing as well.
L 9.0, R 7.0 S 7.5 W 6.5
This was my first attempt.When I see how many people have been struggling to cross this '0.5' hurdle, I thank to God and ask for courage and consistency to achieve atleast 7 in academic writing. So I hope Riyan's blog will stay there , helping me to remain consistent and motivated.
In general what I feel about IELTs writing is that you really need to be quick to get a nicely drafted 'final' answer.On the other hand while being in university I can spend more hours to draft to trim the text till get final version that can give me good enough level of satisfaction that atleast I did my best.
Thanks & Regards
Thanks & Regards
saqibali
Posts: 452
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:56 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by saqibali »

Agree
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imtiazarshad71
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2014 6:04 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by imtiazarshad71 »

Dear,
I am going to appear in my GT IELTS on 2 Oct for the third time. I require 6 band in every module of test.
Can you advise me tips for GT reading and Listenig. I am ok with writing and speaking.

I hope your help will arrive soon.

Imtiaz Arshad
RCLASS
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2014 2:19 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by RCLASS »

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for development of poorer nations. However, the government of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that health, education and trade are basic requirements of all the nations aiming to improve and optimise their country. I would say that providing poor nations with experience to grow is a major role that must be done by richer countries.

Poor nations today seem to face lack of healthcare, effective education system and stable economy. This is definitely bad in some ways because the poor nations should develop the public services such as schools, universities, hospitals, factories and infrastructure. That would make the community civilized, healthy and able to push down the headline of unemployment rate.

If poor nations do not optimise their social services when they are in the beginning stages, it is unlikely that they will be forced to develop these services later in life and the result will be seeing in higher level of illiterate, ill and jobless people. When I was young I had free healthcare, university and part time job to keep me occupied and I am greatful now that I got such support from my government.
On the other hand most of the poor nations suffuring from high population and less of expert officials staff. So, it is important that developed countries hold their responsibilities against underprivileged nations. The financial and educational support provided by high income countries will give the opportunity to improve poor nations.

In conclusion, I could certainly agree that richer governments must keep a good relationship with poor countries by finance and educate people. I don’t think that all poor nations are too dependent on high income countries but too many difinitely are. We cannot expect though that developed countries will ignore todays responsibilities and it is important that children in poor countries grow up with awareness and understanding of all challenges in economy, health, and education.
I believe it is up to poor nation governments to gide and encourage their people to a reasonable mixture between local and international support.
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