please check.I need a 7.0 band score in writing

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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Mohammed
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Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2013 8:25 pm

please check.I need a 7.0 band score in writing

Post by Mohammed »

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have different views about whether it is good to live a life according to the same routine or it is worthwhile to change something frequently. Although there are good arguments in favor of spending a lifetime doing the same things, I personally believe that living in different ways is more beneficial.

The group of people, who does not want to make some changes for a long period of time, argues that it takes a while to learn and get used to something new. For example, if a mechanic is a professional in his field using the conventional equipment, he would probably face some difficulties to use modernized and advanced technology in his work. Unsurprisingly, the mechanic would not accept the new and modern tools, as he may lose his job due to lack of practical knowledge. This trend is occurred more frequently among the older people.

However, those, who are open to any type of changes, life may seem to be boring if they live a monotony lifestyle. They assert that altering things consistently makes life more interesting and colorful. For instance, taking up a new hobby can be a deserving way of spending leisure time. Also, these people often try themselves in new areas such as playing new games, eating dinner out. Besides this, in this case, these people are more likely to be a more experienced citizen, and to have a broader outlook.

To sum up, there are convincing points both for and against to do the same things, but I believe that experiencing some changes is always better.
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Larry
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Re: please check.I need a 7.0 band score in writing

Post by Larry »

Hello Mohammed,

You asked me to have a look at your writing after having a listen to you speaking. So here goes, first I corrected you grammatical mistakes (there weren't that many) and your vocabulary mistakes (there were a few). I tried to keep the corrected essay as close as possible to your original essay. Here is your correct essay:

People have different views about whether it is good to live a life according to the same routine or whether it is worthwhile to change something frequently. Although there are good arguments in favor of spending a lifetime doing the same things, I personally believe that living in different ways is more beneficial.

The group of people who do not want to make changes for a long period of time, argue that it takes a while to learn and get used to something new. For example, if a mechanic is a professional in his field using the conventional equipment, he would probably face some difficulties when using modernized and advanced technology in his work. Unsurprisingly, the mechanic would not accept the new and modern tools, as he may lose his job due to lack of practical knowledge. This trend occurs more frequently among the older people.

However, for those who are open to any type of change, life may seem to be boring if they live a monotonous lifestyle. They assert that altering things consistently makes life more interesting and colorful. For instance, taking up a new hobby can be a fulfilling way of spending leisure time. Also, these people often try activities in new areas such as playing new games, eating dinner out. Therefore, these people are more likely to be a more experienced citizen, and to have a broader outlook.

To sum up, there are convincing points both for and against to doing the same things; but I believe that experiencing changes is always better.


Hope that helps. All in all I thought it was well done. You adequately fulfilled the task given. I don't often see "discuss both views and give your opinion" question types, usually you are arguing for one or the other point of view. But you did a good job discussing both and giving examples. You also clearly stated your opinion. Your thought process was clear and easy to follow with the introduction (opinion), body 1 (avoid change), body 2 (change is good), conclusion (opinion). It was very logical and easy to understand.

I don't usually give feedback on writing, since I focus more on speaking, but since you specifically asked I figured I would give it a shot.

If someone else reads it maybe they can make some other suggestions, but it seemed good to me. I would probably give it at least a 7, but like I said I usually don't deal with writing so I might be missing something.

Anyways, hope that helps!
If you like my advice, you might consider checking out my website IELTS Boot Camp.

There you can find lots of speaking, writing, reading, and listening tips.

You can also find a ton of speaking practice questions.
Mohammed
Posts: 53
Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2013 8:25 pm

Re: please check.I need a 7.0 band score in writing

Post by Mohammed »

thanks Larry for everything
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