Writing task 2,Academic

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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soumyaj89@gmail.com
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Writing task 2,Academic

Post by soumyaj89@gmail.com »

Some people think the main benefit of international co-operation is in protection of the environment, while others think that the main benefit is in the worldwide business. Discuss both views and include your own opinion.



Since the inception of the United Nations the term 'international co-operation' is creating a buzz. This is made clearer with the number of organizations sprouting-up supporting international alliance. On the one hand, it is believed that saving the environment is the main advantage of tie-ups between countries. On the other hand, it is argued that intercontinental business is the major benefit of world co-operation. Both arguments will be critiqued before reaching a conclusion.

It is felt by many that international coalition helps to curb environmental pollution. For example, Kyoto protocol was signed by 191 countries to work together to halt the progression of climate change. Now, these countries work harder to reduce the emission of green house gases from industries and vehicles. Also, they are introducing stricter rules and regulations to manage the environmental issues. This example clearly shows that collaborative approach aids in nature preservation. It is easy to see why this argument has amassed a lot of support.

Others believe that global co-operation contributes to the development of trade. For instance, American company, Apple markets iPhone all over the world. Flexible trading regulations have made it possible. Moreover, business outsourcing has created more jobs for people in developing countries. This illustration proves the perks of global symbiosis on world commerce. Thus, this concept is hard to ignore.

After analyzing these ideas, it is believed that international synergism contributes impartially towards the development of world business and environmental conservation. Undoubtedly, these collaborations would bring in changes in other sectors as well.
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Ryan
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Re: Writing task 2,Academic

Post by Ryan »

Hi Soumya,

I think your main issue here is grammar. Watch your tenses. Sentences that start with 'since' (like your background sentence) should make use of the present perfect. Please also review article and comma usage, as these are clearly weak areas for you.

The lexical resources you demonstrate are good but require further development. "Tie-ups" are typically negative in meaning, for example.

I think you demonstrate a reasonable level of cohesion in your writing, and your examples support your discussion in an appropriate way.

I would guess this essay to score about band 6 or maybe as high as 6.5 (but this is being generous). With more accurate grammar and accurate word use, I think we could expect this mark to jump easily to band 7 and beyond.
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